I was "born again" ("born from above" is closer to what the term means) when I was a Bible college freshman (better late than never!). From that day to this, Papa has placed in me a longing for genuine encounters with Him and especially for His people to be truly awakened! I became an early and devoted student of spiritual awakenings, and my reading the stories of what God has done and is doing even now has only served to increase my hunger.
Perhaps this is the reason why I am most at home with those who share this passion, regardless of their church tribe or format. I love being around people who are so hungry for God that their continuing cry to God is "We want more of you! More of your presence, more of your power, more!"
Some, I suppose, would question the legitimacy of asking God for more of Himself, since in some ways we already have Him living inside of us and we live in Him, but there is clear biblical precedent for asking God to saturate us with His Spirit. Paul's passionate hunger to know Christ (in resurrection power and in His sufferings) comes to mind. There is no doubt that Paul's words here are speaking of ongoing encounters with Jesus. And then there's his admonition to the Ephesians not to get drunk on wine but to "be being filled with the Spirit." That sounds like "We want more!" to me, especially since the context implies an experience similar to the Day of Pentecost. And since Paul was definitely one whom we would describe as already full of the Spirit, his instruction has special weight. This is the man who prayed in tongues more than all of the Corinthians! This is the man who was caught up into the third heaven. This man, writing late in his life, encourages his readers to be seeking to "be being saturated" with God's Spirit.
Church history also gives encouragement to seeking ongoing and increasing encounters with God. Every great spiritual awakening was preceded by intense hunger for God as well as a spirit of repentance. And the descriptions of what transpired when God answered the desperate cries for more of Him are remarkable (and scary for those for whom God is an idea rather than a Person whom you regularly encounter!).
So I cry out with many of kindred spirit, "Lord Jesus! Saturate me, inundate me, overwhelm me with your Spirit!" I am not seeking a mere experience, but I am expecting encounters that leave no doubt that God has touched me at levels beyond my comprehension.
An infinite God always has more of Himself to give to us, dear ones. And biblical encounters with God are always attended by experiential evidence (often overwhelming) that He has revealed Himself in a special way.
“But some who want more
don’t give it away very well. They don’t deserve more, do they?” Yes, it's true that some people seem to be "experience junkies," and it's rather annoying to some folks that God keeps on touching them! But no one
deserves grace! God gives us Himself to us, He overwhelms us with His embrace and pours His Spirit out upon us, not because we deserve it but because it’s
His nature, and because He loves us with an unconditional love. Unconditional love will
always give more—no strings attached. And it's my opinion that anyone who gets
really "saturated" will eventually overflow. Some people stop short of saturation because they
feel unworthy or because they stop listening and get stuck somewhere short of maturity. But the
scandalous “wastefulness of grace” will keep giving more until we get it.
And so we cry out for more! And I will do so until I see His Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, until what I have read about in history becomes our reality!
It is written about Smith Wigglesworth that he wept when he saw Niagara Falls and cried out, "Like that, Lord, like that!" I weep even as I think of his passion, and I marvel that I understand it! And we are so close, dear ones! Just last Sunday Father said to me that what we have experienced so far is just a thimbleful, and that what He has ahead for more than Niagara Falls, it is Iguaçu Falls! (Largest average annual flow of water in the world!).
So I will unashamedly align myself with the desperate but expectant ones who say, "We want more!"
Tom, one of Abba's thirsty little boys
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Please Don't MOGWOG Me!
"What then is Apollos? And what is Paul? They are servants through whom you believed, and each has the role the Lord has given. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." (1 Corinthians 3:5-7 HCSB).
For reasons not entirely clear to me, Christians universally seem to have a tendency to MOGWOG those who serve them (Man Of God, Woman Of God). That is, they place them on a pedestal and give them undue honor (there is, of course, a place for honoring folks, but not in the way that places them in a superior position in one's mind, hence my use of "undue." See Danny Silk's Culture of Honor for more.).
There are so many dangers in this tendency to MOGWOG people that I don't know where to begin, so let me simply list a few and trust the Holy Spirit to bring you whatever insight you personally need from these thoughts. Here we go.
For reasons not entirely clear to me, Christians universally seem to have a tendency to MOGWOG those who serve them (Man Of God, Woman Of God). That is, they place them on a pedestal and give them undue honor (there is, of course, a place for honoring folks, but not in the way that places them in a superior position in one's mind, hence my use of "undue." See Danny Silk's Culture of Honor for more.).
There are so many dangers in this tendency to MOGWOG people that I don't know where to begin, so let me simply list a few and trust the Holy Spirit to bring you whatever insight you personally need from these thoughts. Here we go.
- MOGWOGing people leads to our dividing from others who choose to MOGWOG someone else. This is Paul's major concern in the first part of the 1 Corinthian letter. Whenever we exalt a person we inevitably set ourselves up to not esteem others, and in typical human fashion we end up "choosing sides" based on whom we MOGWOG. See Paul's horror at this in 1 Corinthians 1:10-17, and the first part of his answer to it in verses 18-31 of the same chapter (he reminds the Corinthians of God's supremacy, of the frailty of all humans, of the remarkable "equalizing effect" of the Gospel, etc.)
- MOGWOGing people also causes us to miss what someone else may have to contribute to our life. We see this a lot, don't we? It's seen in the long prayer line in front of the "mighty Man of God/Woman of God." It's seen in people choosing to read only from a few select sources, etc. How sad to miss a treasure simply because it came through someone not recognized as a MOGWOG! And how contrary to how Jesus wants His Body to function when it's the Holy Spirit who distributes through whomever He wishes for the common good (including many whom others may not "exalt" as a MOG or WOG). I could write pages on this, but for now, take a look at 1 Corinthians 12 and see if you get what I am hinting at.
- MOGWOGing people can lead to personal discouragement in our own spiritual life. When I designate someone as a "mighty Man/Woman of God" I either imply that they are exceptional in some way and have by their own efforts achieved some sort of elite status that most people cannot attain, or I imply that God has somehow shown them special favor not available to others. I don't know about you, but for me this is discouraging! I look at the few abilities and life experiences I have and think, "Well, I guess I can never really amount to much, since I am not like MOGWOG over there."
- MOGWOGing people can also lead to our depending upon the MOGWOG instead of Papa God. This is a big one, I think, and one that keeps folks stunted in their spiritual growth (perhaps that's what Paul was getting at in the verses above, eh?). If we think a MOGWOG has a special inroad into God's favor or a special elite ability to hear God better than most, it's almost inevitable that we would take the spiritual and emotional shortcut of looking to the MOGWOG for that which Holy Spirit wants to supply to us through our own exercise of taking the time and discipline needed to hear/see it.
- MOGWOGing people is not good for the person we are MOGWOGing! Not that this is a big issue for an obscure person like me, but please don't MOGWOG me! I struggle enough with the tendency to pride (born out of insecurities waiting to be healed and an insufficient view of Papa's love). I don't need your "help" through your thinking I am special. Yes, encourage me, love me, forgive me, rejoice with me at what Papa's grace does in and through me, but don't MOGWOG me or anyone else you love. I really do want to be just Abba's little boy, and it's struggle enough to stay there without fighting of the misguided accolades of those who need to MOGWOG someone. (But you are forgiven if you have done so! :-).
Okay, so this is sort of tongue in cheek today. But please catch my heart and what I trust Papa wants to say to you through these simple thoughts. Maybe I will write more later, but for now, may there be many brothers and sisters in Jesus in your life, and yes, even a few mothers and fathers, but no MOGWOGs!
Slipping off the pedestal....
Tom, One of Abba's little boys
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Living Loved????
I have, I think, written before about the sum of our life in Jesus being to live loved, listening and saturated (by Holy Spirit), but that phrase has come back to me again and again in recent days because of my (our?) subtle tendency to return to performance-based living.
I continue to be amazed at how easy it is, even 7 1/2 years into this journey, to occasionally revert to behavior that is based upon a paradigm of needing to earn/deserve what God wants to freely give. Last week I wrote about how God wins us and woos us into trusting Him, and I continue to see Him do that, of course, even as I still sometimes suffer amnesia as it relates to His unconditional love for us.
God's unconditional love for us means that it's never a question of deserving or earning by doing in order to receive from Him. I can always receive from Him the very best by simply asking, resting and trusting. Yes, real love sometimes says "No" or "Not yet" to what we ask, because love will supply us what we really need, not just what we want or think we need! But the question of deserving is once for all settled by the infinite extent and unconditional nature of God's love for you/me. Clearly, then, the more we can learn to live fully aware of God's love for us, the more likely we are to live lives that are maturing, peaceful, wholehearted and a genuine blessing to others.
But we do forget! And I wonder if sometimes the reason you and I "forget" how to live loved is that our church culture (every form of it) has in it a subtle tendency to shift our focus away from Papa's love (and His sovereign working out of that love in human history) and back onto us. It seems that I often hear subtle distortions that say something like this, "Yes, you are loved unconditionally and live only by grace, but if you really want to position yourself to be blessed by God you need to do _____." For some reason those of us who live under the New Covenant (by grace, always by grace, because of love, always because of love to which we respond and which we receive but cannot strive for), seem to think we still live under the Old Covenant ("If you do ____, then I will do ___.") This Old Covenant thinking is apparently fed by the common failure to read the Old Testament through the filter of the New Testament. And the problem with it is that an emphasis on "I must/should..." inevitably leads into self-focused and self-conscious behavior and us away from simple childlike trust that alone leads to wholeness and maturity.
Another subtle thing that seems to feed this tendency to forget God's love is that Christians sometimes seem to imply that God somehow needs us to do things. "If we don't pray then He won't work." "If we don't, He won't" Even if we don't say these things this blatantly, such thinking seems to color our view of things, doesn't it? But not only is such thinking totally at odds with how God really works (Ephesians 1:11 says, "God works everything out according to His predetermined purpose." (italics mine), it also shifts the focus back to our responsibility and then back on to performance.
But God doesn't need you or me to do anything to accomplish His perfect will. Yes, He does invite us to join Him in what He is doing. But we are joining Him because He wants us to share in His joy as He works, not because He needs us to accomplish what He is doing! I pray you can see the difference that this little tweak in thinking will make in how we view our walk with Him. It releases us to enter into His joy by following Him while also freeing us from the self-focus that inevitably comes from a warped sense of responsibility. The joy of doing God's will is that it is God's will, and He will accomplish all that He intends. When we understand that we are simply joining Him in His inevitable and unshakeable purposes, we are free from self-focus, measuring the wrong thing, jumping to conclusions, etc. No wonder, then, that Jesus was, because of His awareness of Abba's love, constantly watching for what His Father was doing! (John 5:19)
"But wait," you say! "What about the principle of sowing and reaping?" "What about "as each part does its work" in Ephesians 4:16? "Don't these suggest that there is doing involved?" Yes, but when we live loved, the motive for doing is different: I am doing, sowing--whatever--from a place of deep awareness of Father's love for me and others, not from a fearful place of false responsibility and striving. This type of thinking keeps me focused in utter fascination on a loving Father's face, whereas the other type of thinking causes me to always be checking progress and performance. I highly recommend the first one!
Perhaps this tendency to forget God's unconditional love is why Paul prayed that very familiar prayer for the Ephesians, "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge –that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (3:17b-19 NIV). Paul knew, as experience teaches us, that we need constant infusions of Papa's love, poured out by His Spirit, imprinted on our lives in a million ways, to keep us on the journey towards wholeness and destiny.
And how encouraging it is to know that God is still answering that prayer! God's love for you and me is not passive. Rather He is pursuing us with His love, chasing us down with goodness and mercy (the real meaning of Psalm 23:6). And His unrelenting persistence in loving us in this way, will, I pray, eventually win our hearts!
"Papa, love us away from self-focused performance into the joyful dance of childlike trust, I pray!"
Tom, one of Abba's dearly loved children
I continue to be amazed at how easy it is, even 7 1/2 years into this journey, to occasionally revert to behavior that is based upon a paradigm of needing to earn/deserve what God wants to freely give. Last week I wrote about how God wins us and woos us into trusting Him, and I continue to see Him do that, of course, even as I still sometimes suffer amnesia as it relates to His unconditional love for us.
God's unconditional love for us means that it's never a question of deserving or earning by doing in order to receive from Him. I can always receive from Him the very best by simply asking, resting and trusting. Yes, real love sometimes says "No" or "Not yet" to what we ask, because love will supply us what we really need, not just what we want or think we need! But the question of deserving is once for all settled by the infinite extent and unconditional nature of God's love for you/me. Clearly, then, the more we can learn to live fully aware of God's love for us, the more likely we are to live lives that are maturing, peaceful, wholehearted and a genuine blessing to others.
But we do forget! And I wonder if sometimes the reason you and I "forget" how to live loved is that our church culture (every form of it) has in it a subtle tendency to shift our focus away from Papa's love (and His sovereign working out of that love in human history) and back onto us. It seems that I often hear subtle distortions that say something like this, "Yes, you are loved unconditionally and live only by grace, but if you really want to position yourself to be blessed by God you need to do _____." For some reason those of us who live under the New Covenant (by grace, always by grace, because of love, always because of love to which we respond and which we receive but cannot strive for), seem to think we still live under the Old Covenant ("If you do ____, then I will do ___.") This Old Covenant thinking is apparently fed by the common failure to read the Old Testament through the filter of the New Testament. And the problem with it is that an emphasis on "I must/should..." inevitably leads into self-focused and self-conscious behavior and us away from simple childlike trust that alone leads to wholeness and maturity.
Another subtle thing that seems to feed this tendency to forget God's love is that Christians sometimes seem to imply that God somehow needs us to do things. "If we don't pray then He won't work." "If we don't, He won't" Even if we don't say these things this blatantly, such thinking seems to color our view of things, doesn't it? But not only is such thinking totally at odds with how God really works (Ephesians 1:11 says, "God works everything out according to His predetermined purpose." (italics mine), it also shifts the focus back to our responsibility and then back on to performance.
But God doesn't need you or me to do anything to accomplish His perfect will. Yes, He does invite us to join Him in what He is doing. But we are joining Him because He wants us to share in His joy as He works, not because He needs us to accomplish what He is doing! I pray you can see the difference that this little tweak in thinking will make in how we view our walk with Him. It releases us to enter into His joy by following Him while also freeing us from the self-focus that inevitably comes from a warped sense of responsibility. The joy of doing God's will is that it is God's will, and He will accomplish all that He intends. When we understand that we are simply joining Him in His inevitable and unshakeable purposes, we are free from self-focus, measuring the wrong thing, jumping to conclusions, etc. No wonder, then, that Jesus was, because of His awareness of Abba's love, constantly watching for what His Father was doing! (John 5:19)
"But wait," you say! "What about the principle of sowing and reaping?" "What about "as each part does its work" in Ephesians 4:16? "Don't these suggest that there is doing involved?" Yes, but when we live loved, the motive for doing is different: I am doing, sowing--whatever--from a place of deep awareness of Father's love for me and others, not from a fearful place of false responsibility and striving. This type of thinking keeps me focused in utter fascination on a loving Father's face, whereas the other type of thinking causes me to always be checking progress and performance. I highly recommend the first one!
Perhaps this tendency to forget God's unconditional love is why Paul prayed that very familiar prayer for the Ephesians, "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge –that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (3:17b-19 NIV). Paul knew, as experience teaches us, that we need constant infusions of Papa's love, poured out by His Spirit, imprinted on our lives in a million ways, to keep us on the journey towards wholeness and destiny.
And how encouraging it is to know that God is still answering that prayer! God's love for you and me is not passive. Rather He is pursuing us with His love, chasing us down with goodness and mercy (the real meaning of Psalm 23:6). And His unrelenting persistence in loving us in this way, will, I pray, eventually win our hearts!
"Papa, love us away from self-focused performance into the joyful dance of childlike trust, I pray!"
Tom, one of Abba's dearly loved children
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Won To Trust
I finished reading The Cure (by John Lynch, Brice McNicol and Bill Thrall) this week, and it was as good as I expected it to be. Its treatment of various subjects (like forgiveness, how we must receive love in order to give love--and the definition of love, the importance of a safe and accepting community, how healing leads to maturity which leads to destiny, the difference between trusting God versus pleasing God as motivation for believers, etc.) is among the best I have ever seen.
Reading it was a good way to end the year, I think, since I often reflect on things at this time of the year. (Maybe you do, too). Last year I was too devastated, I suppose, to do any truly useful reflection, but God has done a lot of healing in me so that I trust my "reflector" is working a little better now.
So as I reflected on things today, the phrase "Won to Trust" came to mind. Against the backdrop of my own life experience (which I write about only if it benefits others, I hope), I realized how aggressively Papa has pursued me through every means possible encouraging and inviting me to trust Him more deeply than ever before. I realized how much the enemy has stolen from us in his battle against our knowing God in His goodness. In my own life the scars of grief and loss, the rebirth of fears long buried, the strain of unanticipated transition all combined to create a "trust vacuum" in my heart. I don't think I will ever grasp how large this trust gap was, but I do know that as Papa has addressed it He has done so not by chiding me to "suck it up and just believe Him." Instead, in a million different ways He has shown kindness to me. He has, as He tells us to do, overcome evil with good. At every point where fear and mistrust have entered in, He has wooed me back to trust (and continues to do so, of course) by negating the lies of our adversary by revealing His goodness over and over and over.
I wrote about this today in my journal and I will put a little of it here: "Father, your words to me on July 30 are a perfect description of what has been the course of my life this entire year! You have been and continue to 'smother me with grace and shower me with kindness.' And how intriguing, yet right in line with this entire Secret Place journey, that you say to me that it’s in your doing so that I will for sure learn to trust you. I see this, Papa, I think. I see that your strategy against the enemy’s attack on my life is to counterattack with blessing upon blessing upon blessing—to reveal your goodness so persistently and unmistakably that I cannot but help be healed and deepened in my trusting relationship with you!"
I trust that you can see as I did this morning how counter this thinking is to much of how Christians think and act. Instead of our striving to do better, trust harder, and overcome the enemy by doing the right things, having the right attitude, God instead destroys the enemy's work in our lives by overwhelming us with kindness. In other words, just as a man would seek to win the trust of the woman he loves, so God seeks (in infinitely better ways) to win our trust.
"But wait," you say, "I have seen many instances where there seemed to be little evidence of God's goodness and much evidence of evil instead." And I would answer, "I have felt that way as well and have experienced evil, up close and personal, as readers of this blog know." But hindsight on my painful journey has given me a new perspective, one that has redefined God's kindness in such a way as to open my eyes to His goodness in a way that overpowers the darkness. I have seen how patient Father has been with me, how generous, how persistent in His holding onto me even when I couldn't begin to hold onto Him. I have seen how instead of correcting me in my weakness, He kept wooing me with His gifts and kindness. I kept waiting for Him to tell me that it was time to strive again, but those words never came. Yes, He has challenged me to make good choices when I finally had the capacity to do so, but even when I occasionally failed to do so I found Him chasing me with love, ready to embrace me in my failure just as warmly as in my successes. Like Brother Lawrence, to my surprise I found my King gracious beyond belief or description. I first put this quote from his second letter in my blog from March 26, 2008, but it bears repeating: "I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King; touched with a sensible regret I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands, that He may do what He pleases with me. This King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence."
Can this really be true? I think so. And I see, too, that my view of everything is changing because of this. I tweeted this just a couple of days ago: "I see, now, Papa, that your kindness doesn't mean the absence of pain but rather the presence of your love and grace in the midst of it." It's hard for me to explain how this one little insight opened my eyes to things I couldn't see, but it has done that very thing. So more than ever I see that God is wooing and wowing me into trusting Him ever more deeply, overcoming the enemy's evil with overwhelming displays of His goodness! Who could not trust One like Him?!!
Ah...but we have to have eyes to see, Papa. Give all of us eyes to see (Ephesian 1:17-21 comes to mind)!!!
Being won to trust,
Tom, one of Abba's children
Reading it was a good way to end the year, I think, since I often reflect on things at this time of the year. (Maybe you do, too). Last year I was too devastated, I suppose, to do any truly useful reflection, but God has done a lot of healing in me so that I trust my "reflector" is working a little better now.
So as I reflected on things today, the phrase "Won to Trust" came to mind. Against the backdrop of my own life experience (which I write about only if it benefits others, I hope), I realized how aggressively Papa has pursued me through every means possible encouraging and inviting me to trust Him more deeply than ever before. I realized how much the enemy has stolen from us in his battle against our knowing God in His goodness. In my own life the scars of grief and loss, the rebirth of fears long buried, the strain of unanticipated transition all combined to create a "trust vacuum" in my heart. I don't think I will ever grasp how large this trust gap was, but I do know that as Papa has addressed it He has done so not by chiding me to "suck it up and just believe Him." Instead, in a million different ways He has shown kindness to me. He has, as He tells us to do, overcome evil with good. At every point where fear and mistrust have entered in, He has wooed me back to trust (and continues to do so, of course) by negating the lies of our adversary by revealing His goodness over and over and over.
I wrote about this today in my journal and I will put a little of it here: "Father, your words to me on July 30 are a perfect description of what has been the course of my life this entire year! You have been and continue to 'smother me with grace and shower me with kindness.' And how intriguing, yet right in line with this entire Secret Place journey, that you say to me that it’s in your doing so that I will for sure learn to trust you. I see this, Papa, I think. I see that your strategy against the enemy’s attack on my life is to counterattack with blessing upon blessing upon blessing—to reveal your goodness so persistently and unmistakably that I cannot but help be healed and deepened in my trusting relationship with you!"
I trust that you can see as I did this morning how counter this thinking is to much of how Christians think and act. Instead of our striving to do better, trust harder, and overcome the enemy by doing the right things, having the right attitude, God instead destroys the enemy's work in our lives by overwhelming us with kindness. In other words, just as a man would seek to win the trust of the woman he loves, so God seeks (in infinitely better ways) to win our trust.
"But wait," you say, "I have seen many instances where there seemed to be little evidence of God's goodness and much evidence of evil instead." And I would answer, "I have felt that way as well and have experienced evil, up close and personal, as readers of this blog know." But hindsight on my painful journey has given me a new perspective, one that has redefined God's kindness in such a way as to open my eyes to His goodness in a way that overpowers the darkness. I have seen how patient Father has been with me, how generous, how persistent in His holding onto me even when I couldn't begin to hold onto Him. I have seen how instead of correcting me in my weakness, He kept wooing me with His gifts and kindness. I kept waiting for Him to tell me that it was time to strive again, but those words never came. Yes, He has challenged me to make good choices when I finally had the capacity to do so, but even when I occasionally failed to do so I found Him chasing me with love, ready to embrace me in my failure just as warmly as in my successes. Like Brother Lawrence, to my surprise I found my King gracious beyond belief or description. I first put this quote from his second letter in my blog from March 26, 2008, but it bears repeating: "I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King; touched with a sensible regret I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands, that He may do what He pleases with me. This King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence."
Can this really be true? I think so. And I see, too, that my view of everything is changing because of this. I tweeted this just a couple of days ago: "I see, now, Papa, that your kindness doesn't mean the absence of pain but rather the presence of your love and grace in the midst of it." It's hard for me to explain how this one little insight opened my eyes to things I couldn't see, but it has done that very thing. So more than ever I see that God is wooing and wowing me into trusting Him ever more deeply, overcoming the enemy's evil with overwhelming displays of His goodness! Who could not trust One like Him?!!
Ah...but we have to have eyes to see, Papa. Give all of us eyes to see (Ephesian 1:17-21 comes to mind)!!!
Being won to trust,
Tom, one of Abba's children
Saturday, December 24, 2011
By This Shall All Men Know, part 2
It's Christmas Eve, and even I don't like working on Christmas Eve! But I did want to keep my promise from last week's blog about sharing a few things Papa has brought into my life that have helped me learn to communicate in a way that leads to healthy relationships (i.e., in a way that loves others as He loves me). By the way, I did rewrite part of last week's entry to make it clearer. Sometimes I forget to edit my posts after I write them!
Perhaps the most important ongoing thing that God has done in my life that helps me listen well and send messages in a more "other-centered" manner is to bring me even closer to Himself in experienced intimacy with Him. I hinted at this last week when I wrote about living in awareness of His presence. This intimacy has come into my life primarily through two things: by God's leading me away from performance-based living to grace-based living, and by my taking time as often as needed to "seek His face" until the Holy Spirit saturates me to the point of experienced awareness of His Presence.
The first part of this, living grace-based, is something most of us need ongoing refreshing in, especially when things rock our worlds (as mine has been). My most recent refresher for the grace life has come through reading The Cure, a wonderful rewrite of TrueFaced, by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol and John Lynch (Kindle version). If you still tend to live a performance, behavior-oriented Christian life, I highly recommend that you read this book (I recommend it highly, anyway, but especially if you don't really get God's love for you.). Another good book for this is He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen, and the list could go on. And yes, I know that reading books won't change you--you need the Holy Spirit's work in you in a life-on-life community for that. But I can't write about that today.
The second part of this, seeking God's face until awareness of His Presence and His peace comes, I have written about many times before. I will take time over the next few weeks to see if I need to collect, condense and elaborate on this some more. All I know is that my experiential encounter with God 7.5 years ago, whereby He led me deeper and deeper into inner stillness and peace, is the key to everything else He has done in my life, and I find that this is true for most folks both historically and currently.
There are other things, too, though, that God has done in my life that have helped me learn to communicate differently. I won't take time to elaborate on these today, but I will list them. If I get any response to this blog requesting further elaboration I will write more about them. :-) Some of these things are...
Perhaps the most important ongoing thing that God has done in my life that helps me listen well and send messages in a more "other-centered" manner is to bring me even closer to Himself in experienced intimacy with Him. I hinted at this last week when I wrote about living in awareness of His presence. This intimacy has come into my life primarily through two things: by God's leading me away from performance-based living to grace-based living, and by my taking time as often as needed to "seek His face" until the Holy Spirit saturates me to the point of experienced awareness of His Presence.
The first part of this, living grace-based, is something most of us need ongoing refreshing in, especially when things rock our worlds (as mine has been). My most recent refresher for the grace life has come through reading The Cure, a wonderful rewrite of TrueFaced, by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol and John Lynch (Kindle version). If you still tend to live a performance, behavior-oriented Christian life, I highly recommend that you read this book (I recommend it highly, anyway, but especially if you don't really get God's love for you.). Another good book for this is He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen, and the list could go on. And yes, I know that reading books won't change you--you need the Holy Spirit's work in you in a life-on-life community for that. But I can't write about that today.
The second part of this, seeking God's face until awareness of His Presence and His peace comes, I have written about many times before. I will take time over the next few weeks to see if I need to collect, condense and elaborate on this some more. All I know is that my experiential encounter with God 7.5 years ago, whereby He led me deeper and deeper into inner stillness and peace, is the key to everything else He has done in my life, and I find that this is true for most folks both historically and currently.
There are other things, too, though, that God has done in my life that have helped me learn to communicate differently. I won't take time to elaborate on these today, but I will list them. If I get any response to this blog requesting further elaboration I will write more about them. :-) Some of these things are...
- Get healed up! Deal with your stuff! Many of us are very wounded and need some inner healing to break harmful patterns, change faulty paradigms, etc. I think this is self-evident, but just in case...
- Ask Holy Spirit to help you become more “self aware.” Ask Him to help you with the following.
Ask Him to help you sense when anxiety is rising or your peace is leaving you. When that's the case, it's best to stop and allow Him to show you what's really happening in you. Then you can re-surrender to Him and invite Him to flood you again with His love. Obviously, when you are feeling anxious is not a good time to talk about hard and touchy subjects, but as God alerts you to what's happening inside of you, you can ask the other person to give you time to process, etc., and then take time to return to the place of peace. (And yes, I know some of you reading this don't have much peace, ever, but I am hoping to intrigue you into exploring a new way to live!).
Ask Him, too, to help you become more aware of your body language when you are talking! Most of you know that a very large percentage of our sending messages is not directly related to the words we use. Most of our communication to another is rather by means of vocal inflection, facial expressions, body position, gestures--you get the picture. So if Holy Spirit doesn't help us become aware of these other sending channels, we may be saying one thing with our mouths while denying it with the rest of our "communication devices."
- Listen far more than you talk but when you do talk, listen while you talk.
- Communicate about communication! In your key relationships, talk about communication! It's amazing how that will help.
- Get help from a loving community, a wise and trusted friend, a counselor/coach, etc. I could write more about this, but maybe later. Again, The Cure, Bo's Cafe, et al. can help you grasp how this works.
Okay, enough said for today. I think I am rambling anyway, probably trying to stuff too much into too short a space! And who reads blogs on Christmas Eve anyway!! But I offer this in love to any who happen by.
Joyful, Wonder-filled Christmas to you,
Tom, one of Abba's kids
Friday, December 16, 2011
By This Shall All People Know...
The Christmas season sometimes gets me to thinking about how Christians are quick to go after the lesser things while missing the larger ones. It's especially puzzling to me how quick we are to fight to keep Christ in Christmas while being less likely to fiercely contend for the thing that will most change our culture: the healthy relationships that Jesus can create among His people who lived loved and listening.
Jesus gave only one commandment that He called a "New Commandment," so I assume that it's probably one of the most important ones, especially because He said that our living this one out would most clearly identify us as His people. But I need to paraphrase it, I think, to deChristianize it. "I give you a new commandment. Be in healthy relationships with one another. Just as I have related in a perfectly healthy way to each and all of you, so you must relate to one another. By this will everyone know that you are my followers, by the healthy relationships you have with one another." (John 13:34-35, Tom's paraphrase). But wait, Tom! You downgraded "loving one another" by stating it this way. Well, not really. The problem is that when we say "love one another" we do strange, "Christian" things with Jesus' meaning and miss His point that loving one another leads to noticeably healthy relationships. It's far too easy to spiritualize the word "love," even though it's clearly defined by Jesus' life, by God's actions, by Paul's writings, etc. So bear with me, please, and consider what Jesus was aiming for: a healthy unity among all of His people, modeled first and most effectively in families ("Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church," comes to mind). No wonder the enemy has worked so hard to hide the truth that healthy relationships are not only possible but essential if the world is to see Jesus in us!
So today I want to write about just one aspect of living in healthy relationships: healthy communication. These are just a few thoughts today, of course. Books have been written on this subject. But these come from a lifetime of experience and interaction with God's word and I trust are distilled down a bit to make it easier for you pack them away so Holy Spirit can shape you with them.
But first, as that sentence implies, these are not principles to be applied in your own strength but tools for you to offer to the Holy Spirit for Him to use to shape you and lead you into healthier communication with those closest to you. Once you know, for example, that listening for understanding is the most important key to healthy communication, you can invite Holy Spirit to prompt you when you need reminding of that! I think you get the picture. So let's look at a two keys to offer Holy Spirit as He teaches you how to become healthier in your relationships by being healthier in your communication skills.
First, the underlying foundation of good communication is to remember that the purpose of communication is to reach mutual understanding. Note that I didn't say agreement, but understanding. If we make agreement our target, we are moving away from nurturing the relationship towards controlling the other person. Agreement often comes, of course, when understanding is achieved, but it can't be the goal.
This underlying foundation is why the first and most important key to healthy communication is listening to the point of understanding. There is a reason, of course, why the Apostle James said, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." (James 1:19 NIV). Understanding is built on good listening more than artful speaking! There are, of course, many challenges to our putting this into practice, beginning with all of the "filters" we put words through when we hear them. But God's Spirit is wonderfully able and willing to help us become aware of our filters as well as helping us to hold our reactions in check if we ask Him! I could write volumes on this, I think, especially because I am a coach and coach trainer, but for now I will simply suggest that you try really listening on for a while. Start with those closest and invite them to share with you until you both know that you have reached mutual understanding. This one thing will revolutionize your relationships as God enables you to put it into practice more and more.
The second key to healthy communication does have to do with the "sending part" of communication. Mutual understanding obviously requires mutual listening and mutual sending. The important thing here, though, is to try to send in the way that's most likely to result in the other person really understanding what you say. This means that scriptures like Ephesians 4:15, 25 and 29 come into play. These are the only two I am going to address today because of time constraints. Verses 15 and 25 speak of being truthful in our communication in the context of love for the one receiving the message. Truthfulness is essential for trust to develop between people, of course. And transparency is also an essential part of intimate relationships when it is strategically exercised (i.e., not "letting it all hang out" all the time, but sharing what needs to be shared at the appropriate time in an appropriate manner for understanding to be attained). But it's verse 29 that is for me the gem of the sending part of communication: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV). Paul here reminds us that communication works best when our "sending" is other-oriented to the max. This doesn't mean that we don't share our hearts, dear ones, because others do need to know who you are. Others are built up by hearing your hurts, joys, etc. That's what relationships are all about. But if I am other-oriented in my communication then I will ask God to help me be sensitive to the other person in terms of timing, how I phrase things, what my body language is saying, etc. Most of us know that there are hundreds of ways to communicate a need to another, but usually there's only one that doesn't trigger a reaction rather than the response we were looking for! For example, I try never to use the word "Why" in sharing with people because it almost always puts them into defensive mode. Good coaches know that "Help me understand..." or "Could you help me understand" are better ways to ask a person about motives. Sigh...I could go on and on here, but this is a blog, not a book! For now I simply suggest that you meditate on Ephesians 4:29 and ask Holy Spirit what it would look like in your closest relationships.
Hmmm. This is already getting too long, so I think I will wait until next week to share some of the ways I have learned to cooperate with God in making these more and more a part of my life. (I will give you a hint--living aware of His Presence, living in His peace, paying any price to stay there, is a major part of it!)
I close with two more thoughts. First, no one I have ever met has gotten communication perfected, so another major part of healthy relationships is the constant exchange of forgiveness :-) More on that later, I guess. Second, one thing that really helped me in my listening to others was a wise man pointing out to me that it's a myth that people say what they really mean when they are angry. The truth is that people are least likely to say what they want to say when they are angry. Think about it and you will get it, I trust. So if you are wondering if those angry words are really what the other person thinks or feels, rest in the fact that the answer is almost certainly "No." What they really think and feel is most likely to be communicated when they are calm and in control. That was good news for me when I heard it, and I felt led to share it here, so I trust it will serve someone.
More later...for now, I invite you to "keep Christ in Christmas" by living in the kinds of relationships that make His Presence in your life unavoidably obvious!
Learning to listen...
Tom, one of His little children
Jesus gave only one commandment that He called a "New Commandment," so I assume that it's probably one of the most important ones, especially because He said that our living this one out would most clearly identify us as His people. But I need to paraphrase it, I think, to deChristianize it. "I give you a new commandment. Be in healthy relationships with one another. Just as I have related in a perfectly healthy way to each and all of you, so you must relate to one another. By this will everyone know that you are my followers, by the healthy relationships you have with one another." (John 13:34-35, Tom's paraphrase). But wait, Tom! You downgraded "loving one another" by stating it this way. Well, not really. The problem is that when we say "love one another" we do strange, "Christian" things with Jesus' meaning and miss His point that loving one another leads to noticeably healthy relationships. It's far too easy to spiritualize the word "love," even though it's clearly defined by Jesus' life, by God's actions, by Paul's writings, etc. So bear with me, please, and consider what Jesus was aiming for: a healthy unity among all of His people, modeled first and most effectively in families ("Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church," comes to mind). No wonder the enemy has worked so hard to hide the truth that healthy relationships are not only possible but essential if the world is to see Jesus in us!
So today I want to write about just one aspect of living in healthy relationships: healthy communication. These are just a few thoughts today, of course. Books have been written on this subject. But these come from a lifetime of experience and interaction with God's word and I trust are distilled down a bit to make it easier for you pack them away so Holy Spirit can shape you with them.
But first, as that sentence implies, these are not principles to be applied in your own strength but tools for you to offer to the Holy Spirit for Him to use to shape you and lead you into healthier communication with those closest to you. Once you know, for example, that listening for understanding is the most important key to healthy communication, you can invite Holy Spirit to prompt you when you need reminding of that! I think you get the picture. So let's look at a two keys to offer Holy Spirit as He teaches you how to become healthier in your relationships by being healthier in your communication skills.
First, the underlying foundation of good communication is to remember that the purpose of communication is to reach mutual understanding. Note that I didn't say agreement, but understanding. If we make agreement our target, we are moving away from nurturing the relationship towards controlling the other person. Agreement often comes, of course, when understanding is achieved, but it can't be the goal.
This underlying foundation is why the first and most important key to healthy communication is listening to the point of understanding. There is a reason, of course, why the Apostle James said, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." (James 1:19 NIV). Understanding is built on good listening more than artful speaking! There are, of course, many challenges to our putting this into practice, beginning with all of the "filters" we put words through when we hear them. But God's Spirit is wonderfully able and willing to help us become aware of our filters as well as helping us to hold our reactions in check if we ask Him! I could write volumes on this, I think, especially because I am a coach and coach trainer, but for now I will simply suggest that you try really listening on for a while. Start with those closest and invite them to share with you until you both know that you have reached mutual understanding. This one thing will revolutionize your relationships as God enables you to put it into practice more and more.
The second key to healthy communication does have to do with the "sending part" of communication. Mutual understanding obviously requires mutual listening and mutual sending. The important thing here, though, is to try to send in the way that's most likely to result in the other person really understanding what you say. This means that scriptures like Ephesians 4:15, 25 and 29 come into play. These are the only two I am going to address today because of time constraints. Verses 15 and 25 speak of being truthful in our communication in the context of love for the one receiving the message. Truthfulness is essential for trust to develop between people, of course. And transparency is also an essential part of intimate relationships when it is strategically exercised (i.e., not "letting it all hang out" all the time, but sharing what needs to be shared at the appropriate time in an appropriate manner for understanding to be attained). But it's verse 29 that is for me the gem of the sending part of communication: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV). Paul here reminds us that communication works best when our "sending" is other-oriented to the max. This doesn't mean that we don't share our hearts, dear ones, because others do need to know who you are. Others are built up by hearing your hurts, joys, etc. That's what relationships are all about. But if I am other-oriented in my communication then I will ask God to help me be sensitive to the other person in terms of timing, how I phrase things, what my body language is saying, etc. Most of us know that there are hundreds of ways to communicate a need to another, but usually there's only one that doesn't trigger a reaction rather than the response we were looking for! For example, I try never to use the word "Why" in sharing with people because it almost always puts them into defensive mode. Good coaches know that "Help me understand..." or "Could you help me understand" are better ways to ask a person about motives. Sigh...I could go on and on here, but this is a blog, not a book! For now I simply suggest that you meditate on Ephesians 4:29 and ask Holy Spirit what it would look like in your closest relationships.
Hmmm. This is already getting too long, so I think I will wait until next week to share some of the ways I have learned to cooperate with God in making these more and more a part of my life. (I will give you a hint--living aware of His Presence, living in His peace, paying any price to stay there, is a major part of it!)
I close with two more thoughts. First, no one I have ever met has gotten communication perfected, so another major part of healthy relationships is the constant exchange of forgiveness :-) More on that later, I guess. Second, one thing that really helped me in my listening to others was a wise man pointing out to me that it's a myth that people say what they really mean when they are angry. The truth is that people are least likely to say what they want to say when they are angry. Think about it and you will get it, I trust. So if you are wondering if those angry words are really what the other person thinks or feels, rest in the fact that the answer is almost certainly "No." What they really think and feel is most likely to be communicated when they are calm and in control. That was good news for me when I heard it, and I felt led to share it here, so I trust it will serve someone.
More later...for now, I invite you to "keep Christ in Christmas" by living in the kinds of relationships that make His Presence in your life unavoidably obvious!
Learning to listen...
Tom, one of His little children
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Don't Be Afraid!
I missed writing last week because Charlie's mother did in fact pass peacefully into the embrace of Jesus early Thursday morning, December 1. Thank you for the many of you who have been praying and encouraging Charlie and her family. We welcome your continuing prayers.
Today my thoughts run to a repeated theme of the Christmas season in Luke's Gospel. Three times we read there of an angel saying, "Don't be afraid." Christmas, then, seems to be to be a good time to consider what real courage looks like--over the years I have learned that it doesn't look like what I thought!
In a nutshell I have learned what I tweeted today: Courage isn't a feeling, it's a decision based upon deeply held convictions that runs over or through feelings of fear. This is seen even in the three admonitions in Luke's Gospel. The literal translation of this phrase is, "Stop fearing," not "don't feel afraid"! In other words, when the Bible tells us to "fear not" it's not telling us to change how we feel (afraid), but to choose to put our focus on something other than our fearful feelings: God's faithfulness, love for us, commitment to us, etc., and then choose to move past our fears to do that which is right and good.
I am fairly passionate about helping folks understand this, I guess, partly because we live in a such a feeling-based culture. If we aren't careful, the idea that feelings are how we should measure life and its quality can creep into our lives as believers. Indeed, I am quite sure that is the case for many of us. How often do we catch ourselves evaluating something based on how it made us feel? How often do we make decisions based on whether something makes us feel good or feel better or feel whatever? I am not asking this question to add shame or guilt to anyone's life, dear ones. Rather I am simply suggesting that we stop and ask God to help us practice true courage, asking Holy Spirit to help us evaluate what we are basing our decisions on, especially when we are feeling afraid (worried, anxious, etc.).
I am also not suggesting here that we deny our feelings, of course, but that we put them into their proper place in our lives. I am glad that I can feel God's touch, feel happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction and pleasure! Yup, I am am glad for all those feelings and many more. But if I base my choices in life on how I am feeling or how something will make me feel, I end up all over the map, and at no time is this more evident than when I am feeling afraid!
I want to be courageous, don't you? If so, then we will do well to understand that courage is an act of the will: a decision to do that which is good and right and loving, rooted in our conviction that God can be trusted. And God is not absent in the midst of our choice to be courageous, dear ones. If you look and listen you will realize that the message of the Christmas angels is still echoing in the halls of time: "Stop fearing." I think I can hear them even now, whispering encouragement to your heart as well as to mine: "Don't be afraid. Choose the courageous way!"
So I will press on, not waiting for the feelings of fear to go away or for feelings of courage to come, but in the power of God's Spirit, choosing that which is good, right, wise and best. Papa, help us to be truly courageous, strong in your strength, as we choose to trust you and not our fickle feelings!
Learning to trust,
Tom, One of Abba's children
Today my thoughts run to a repeated theme of the Christmas season in Luke's Gospel. Three times we read there of an angel saying, "Don't be afraid." Christmas, then, seems to be to be a good time to consider what real courage looks like--over the years I have learned that it doesn't look like what I thought!
In a nutshell I have learned what I tweeted today: Courage isn't a feeling, it's a decision based upon deeply held convictions that runs over or through feelings of fear. This is seen even in the three admonitions in Luke's Gospel. The literal translation of this phrase is, "Stop fearing," not "don't feel afraid"! In other words, when the Bible tells us to "fear not" it's not telling us to change how we feel (afraid), but to choose to put our focus on something other than our fearful feelings: God's faithfulness, love for us, commitment to us, etc., and then choose to move past our fears to do that which is right and good.
I am fairly passionate about helping folks understand this, I guess, partly because we live in a such a feeling-based culture. If we aren't careful, the idea that feelings are how we should measure life and its quality can creep into our lives as believers. Indeed, I am quite sure that is the case for many of us. How often do we catch ourselves evaluating something based on how it made us feel? How often do we make decisions based on whether something makes us feel good or feel better or feel whatever? I am not asking this question to add shame or guilt to anyone's life, dear ones. Rather I am simply suggesting that we stop and ask God to help us practice true courage, asking Holy Spirit to help us evaluate what we are basing our decisions on, especially when we are feeling afraid (worried, anxious, etc.).
I am also not suggesting here that we deny our feelings, of course, but that we put them into their proper place in our lives. I am glad that I can feel God's touch, feel happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction and pleasure! Yup, I am am glad for all those feelings and many more. But if I base my choices in life on how I am feeling or how something will make me feel, I end up all over the map, and at no time is this more evident than when I am feeling afraid!
I want to be courageous, don't you? If so, then we will do well to understand that courage is an act of the will: a decision to do that which is good and right and loving, rooted in our conviction that God can be trusted. And God is not absent in the midst of our choice to be courageous, dear ones. If you look and listen you will realize that the message of the Christmas angels is still echoing in the halls of time: "Stop fearing." I think I can hear them even now, whispering encouragement to your heart as well as to mine: "Don't be afraid. Choose the courageous way!"
So I will press on, not waiting for the feelings of fear to go away or for feelings of courage to come, but in the power of God's Spirit, choosing that which is good, right, wise and best. Papa, help us to be truly courageous, strong in your strength, as we choose to trust you and not our fickle feelings!
Learning to trust,
Tom, One of Abba's children
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