A Time For Everything

"The season of mourning is over." Those words from Papa God, whispered to me a few days ago were a bit of a surprise to me, but not entirely, and they were powerfully confirmed to me this morning during the message by our guest speaker who encouraged us to "let go of the old and step into the new" and "let go of the grief, pain and sorrow and step into the future," etc. Don't you love the way God orchestrates things so that He speaks to so many of us at the same time in the same way, yet with each of us in different situations? I am sure that many in the room this morning were making their own transitions into the future even as I was. Only Papa could have made sure that I was here in Houston, today, to hear Joshua Mills say those words on the one year anniversary of Jettie's departure!


So this will be the last time that I address anything specifically related to the journey of sorrow related to Jettie's death. These are random thoughts, too, so there may be some repetition from previous posts, but I wanted to put in one place some of the most important things I have learned.


First, I have definitely learned that "ain't over until it's over." I smiled (and sighed) as I looked back at my words on April 29 where I was celebrating how healed up I already was. Maybe I was healed up a lot at that time, but I can assure you that the season of mourning continued on for several more months after that date! Now, however, I can tell that it really is time to move ahead. Why I thought I could speed up the one year process of "firsts" is a mystery to me, but I am a humbled and better instructed man now! When God says something is over, it's over, but not before. 


Second, we know that healing is happening when we are able to enjoy life without guilt and remember things without sorrow. This is how I know that I have indeed finally turned a corner and entered a different season. At the same time I heard those words from Papa about the season of mourning being over, a dear older friend of mine gently told me that I was still holding onto Jettie in some way. That triggered a highly important time with Papa that led to some final surrender that I cannot even explain, but on the other side of it, I knew I was in a different place because I stopped feeling guilty for enjoying the new life that is unfolding for me here in Houston. And only in the past couple of days have I noticed that I can remember things about life with Jettie without sadness. Maybe some folks can get to that place sooner, but it has taken me until now to do so. But I know from both experience and from my reading about grief that enjoying life and remembering without sorrow are big milestones in this journey. And I am so grateful for what God has done (and continues to do) as He brings me into a "time to laugh" and a "time to dance."


Third, I have said this before but I need to say it again: regret is a real hindrance to getting on with life and into wholeness. Thankfully, God addressed this early on in my journey, but it's amazing how many times He had to re-address it before I finally let go of it for good. I realize now that regret is a subtle form of shame, and shame keeps us terribly locked into self-focus and bound up in the past. Jesus died to take away our shame, including the shame of "I wish I had" and "I could have" and "I should have," etc. 


Fourth, God is the best grief counselor in the Universe, but He uses His people as part of His healing process. I could write volumes about this, and maybe some day when I write my book about the journey, I will. For now I simply elaborate on these two points. 1) God will for sure lead you through the grieving process as you lean into Him, collapse onto Him, cry out to Him, listen to Him. Some of my deepest healing moments have come after I wept and even shouted at Him but then stopped and listened to Him--amazing! And He has led and continues to lead this entire journey. The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, really is the best counselor in all of creation! He alone can lead us into the truth that sets us free. 2) God also heals us through other people. One of the things people naturally do during grief is isolate themselves from others (for many reasons), but I don't know of anyone who has been healed up in a truly healthy manner apart from lots of interaction with and support from others. The illustration of the input from my older and wiser friend (thanks, Ray!) is just one example of dozens of how this has been true for me. So I encourage the grieving to reach out, I encourage those who are not grieving to reach out as well, even if all you are able to do is weep with those who weep and hold their hearts close to yours.


Finally, the past year has only made me appreciate more than ever what an amazing woman Jettie was and is. I will always respect, honor and esteem her and always be thankful to God for giving me 41 years with her. But I will not cling to her, live in regret nor fail to move into my future (that would actually dishonor her). And so I step into the future, treasuring the memories while living in the joyful fullness that life in Jesus always brings.


Tom, one of Abba's children