The Power of Healthy Transparency

     Anyone who reads this blog or my Facebook posts knows that I very much believe in and practice transparency. Big revelation, eh? :-)
     Why am I so transparent? Because I believe that healthy transparency is an essential gift to others. My deep conviction is that as a leader I need to model reality and give hope to others. Being artificial gives a false view not only of me, but of life in Jesus. If I appear to be better than I am then I portray something about the Christian walk that may be unattainable or at least unrealistic for most people. What a cruel thing to do! If I appear to have it all together, which is certainly not true, then I make others feel terribly defective. Another negative outcome of such artificiality is that others put me on a pedestal thinking that by some great power of achievement I have attained what they can never hope to attain. I cannot tell you how distasteful all of this is to me. Thankfully, I have many good examples in Scripture to encourage me in being transparent: David comes to mind (talk about transparent--some of his psalms are scorching examples of what he was feeling, thinking and doing at the time!). And Paul's letters are filled with remarkably transparent insights into his life and emotions. So...I will be transparent as a gift of encouragement to others and as a testimony of Papa's grace at work in my very ordinary life. 
     On the other hand, I once heard a very prominent pastor claiming to advocate transparency by stating that he believed in being transparent but only about things he had already gained victory over. I remember thinking at the time that something was very wrong with that statement. Now I know that what he was describing isn't even being transparent! To allow people only to see the victories God has granted us is not transparency. The truth is that we are always fighting something, I think, and sometimes allowing others to peer into the battle is the healthiest thing we can do, both for them and for us.
     Perhaps you have noticed that I am writing here about "other-oriented" transparency. There is, of course, healing that comes to us through our being transparent. In fact, we cannot make real progress in our Jesus journey without being transparent with some trusted others. That's what the books, Truefaced and Bo's Cafe describe so well. (By the way, Truefaced has now been rewritten and will be released around Thanksgiving under the title, The Cure. I am looking forward to reading it). I love this amazing description of a healthy culture of transparency in Bo's Cafe (p. 74): "What if there was a safe enough place where you tell the worst about yourself and not be loved or respected less, but more? You know what happens...? Hidden junk we've been carrying around for years begins to melt away. People come alive. They start to discover who they really are. They start doing good stuff with their lives. They find their future. They stop needing to be right. They stop trying to fix their symptoms, and pushing everyone away.... They get loved."  
     But I haven't seen many folks write about the blessing to others that transparency brings, so I thought I would highlight it today. Healthy transparency becomes more about you than me as I mature. Healthy transparency is filled with hope, not just misery. As I mature my transparency becomes more and more infused with the promises of God and awareness of His faithfulness even as I also reveal my struggles to lay hold of them. Healthy transparency is as much about you as it is about me, and it is laced through with hope and God's fingerprints! Healthy transparency is strategic in that it matches the ability of others to handle and benefit from it rather than just blurting out anything to anyone. Healthy transparency is shared without the need for a positive reaction from everyone (those still hiding are not comfortable around transparent people, for obvious reasons). I could go on, but you get the picture, I think.
     Note, however, that we don't get to the place of healthy transparency overnight. For most people "sharing their stuff" and being accepted instead of rejected because of it is such a new and wonderful experience that at first they just blurt it out. (Because I am so safe I often have people offload everything and then say in amazement, "I don't know why I told you all of this!" I just smile. :-)) But as they heal up some they realize that transparency is indeed as much about others as about them, and healthy sharing begins to become the norm for them. It's a beautiful thing to see that happen. Papa's fingerprints are wonderfully prominent!
     What about you? Do you have a safe group of friends who love you more not less as you are vulnerable and transparent? I certainly hope so. And are you learning to see that your transparency, wisely exercised, is a gift to others? This is certainly my hope and prayer for you. Let it be, Papa, let it be so!

Transparently... 


Tom, one of Abba's transparent children