Friday, September 17, 2010

Finding love as it's given


I don't know that I have ever written anything quite like today's blog, but here goes.
Like many (most) people, I grew up with some "father" (and mother) wounds and by God's grace I have been healed of many of those and have grown to know Father more as He really is instead of how my perceptions of a "father" looked. But lately, perhaps because I have been getting older and perhaps because I have seen the wounds I inflicted as a father, I have been able to "find love as it was given" to me by my dad (who is still with us at 85 and a truly remarkable man). It's not wise or healthy, of course, to expect a child to perceive love when it's given in ways other than how the child needs it, but as we get older and more whole, it's good, I think, to look and see it in the form it was given. My dad loves me. He always has. And although he wasn't able to express it very well through words, warmth and encouragement when I was a child, I have been blessed to have Papa God show me the many ways that my dad showed love to me. And as a tribute to my daddy, I write some of these here.
My father's love for me showed up often in fishing, hunting, boating and camping expeditions. My dad taught me to love the outdoors and he loved to spend time with us in outdoor activities. And even as I write this, I see how my dad so wonderfully expressed love to us in his pleasure when we caught a fish, bagged our first whatever, set up the tent correctly (at last!), etc. Thanks, Dad, for loving me so well! I see it now even if I took these things for granted when I was young.
My daddy also showed his love for me by teaching me lots of things. He was deeply committed to being sure that his children were prepared to meet the world with competence and character. I remember especially his encouragement to us to show initiative and self-reliance (in the good sense). Sometimes he pushed us into initiative a little too soon (I remember having a meltdown when he sent me to buy ice cream at age 4 and they didn't have my favorite flavor), but in those times he was quick to rescue us. Thanks, Dad, for loving me so well. I see it now...
My dad also demonstrated love for me by involving himself in the things he wanted me to be involved in. Thus when I became a boy scout, I found my dad there with me, with him eventually serving as scoutmaster in spite of his heavy business schedule. Thanks, Dad, for loving me so well, taking time to be with me and showing me how to serve others in the process.
My dad also showed love for me by inviting me along on some of his trips, both business and recreational. It really made me feel special to be taken along on some of those business trips. My dad demonstrated a level of trust in me that built my confidence and laid the foundation for my own leadership later in my life. Thanks, Dad, for loving me so well.
Even my father's correction, sometimes rather severe, I can now see as an expression of his love. Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." My dad strongly believed this (and the entire Bible) and put it into practice in the way he himself had experienced. Thanks, Dad, for loving me enough to correct me instead of letting things slide!
My dad also loved me by modeling core character traits like integrity, a strong work ethic and generosity. My father started his own business in 1947 and that business is still going today. One of the bedrock values of my father's business dealings was integrity. Did he practice it perfectly? I doubt it, but there was no question about his commitment to living a life of integrity, hard work and great generosity, and I caught these things and never let go of them. Thanks, Dad, for modeling for me what it means to be a man of honor, generosity and service. Your example was a remarkable expression of your love for me, and I am the man that I have become partly because you showed me the way. Thanks for loving me in this way, Dad.
I could go on, but I will stop here. My point is that love can sometimes be more prevalent than we realize, and as we mature we are able to see it because we no longer require it to be given in the way we think it should be given (is true love ever like that? Seems that love sometimes does just the opposite of what one feels is loving!). And I have found something deeply transforming about looking at life through these different lenses that God has provided. Perhaps your life will look more whole as well, if you try them on as well :-)
Finding love that was always there...
Tom, one of Abba's little children

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