I meditate on it all day long...

A few years ago I discovered an incredible treasure trove that I had forgotten about: in one of our moves I found all of Jettie's love letters to me from the summer before we were married (in typical fashion she carefully numbered each one of them). It's hard for me to describe the feelings that washed over me when I found them--and even now tears come easily as I write this. And I am sure I don't have to tell you that these letters are of indescribable value to me. Why? Not because of the ink and paper they are made of, not even because of the words themselves. No, these letters, "The Word of Jettie" are treasures to me because of the love relationship that she and I share.

And so it is with God's word. I think it was Andrew Murray who first helped me recognize that Psalm 119 is an incredible prayer not so much about God's word, but about God Himself and the deep, deep love the Psalmist felt from God and for God. In other words, God's law (precepts, statutes, word, etc.) was precious to the writer of Psalm 119 because God was infinitely precious to him.

I write this after having a tender and fierce dialog with God this morning about the dearth of His word in my life. It was not a condemning conversation, but I ended up deeply aware that I along with most western believers lack not only God's overwhelming power in my life but that I have very little of His word "hidden in my heart." No wonder then, that I am still vulnerable at times to fear, to attack from the enemy, to creating an improper image of what God is like in my mind (an idol), etc.!

You see, about 5 years ago I sensed God telling me to put away lots of scripture in my heart, and one of the passages He led me to was Psalm 119 (yikes!). I did indeed start memorizing that psalm (more on that in a moment), but somewhere along the line I gave up. Now, I did memorize other passages (thankfully one of them was Psalm 91 which has been the mainstay in the battle Jettie and I have had for her healing), but Psalm 119 remains to this day only partially in my heart. But that is changing, I trust, with God renewing a few days ago His admonition and invitation to memorize this psalm. And with that admonition came the powerful time of reflection this morning about how little of my thinking is really shaped by God's Word because when I started memorizing the psalm I began in the middle, with verse 97. Verse 97 says, "Oh how I love your law; I meditate on it all day long." Wow. It hits me like a ton of bricks that we cannot meditate on something that isn't committed to memory and that what I therefore end up meditating on is more likely to be the jumbled assortment of truth and lies that assault all of us in the twisted culture of this world.

And so I "repented," not with the shame-based "repentance" of religion, but with the love-based attitude of someone who realizes that he has wounded a friend and missed a great treasure. So I am asking God to create in me a longing for His word that grows out of our love relationship. I am asking Him to help me treasure His word far more even than I treasure those love letters from Jettie. I doubt that this hunger will reach its maximum level overnight, but it's already growing in me, along with a renewed longing simply for Him.

And I am reflecting now on the state of the western church--we carry Bibles in our hands, on our cell phones, on our computers. I wonder if it's really a blessing to do so! If I have it with me, somehow I may come to believe that it's in me! And I wonder if the reason spiritual awakening hasn't happened is due as much to unfamiliarity with God's Word (and therefore with the God who gave us His word) as it is a lack of His inundating power.

Just wondering, praying, thinking...

Tom, one of Abba's children