Still Learning How to Live Loved

I am in meetings all day tomorrow, so I am writing my entry tonight. What I write, I write with some trepidation since I am giving you a very personal glimpse into my life over the past few days. I still struggle at times to live lost in Papa's love and have just come through a season of lots of "ah ha!" moments (epiphanies) where God continued to reveal both His ways and His love in remarkable ways. I hope this stuff isn't too personal or presumptuous. If it sounds that way, forgive me. I really just wanted to encourage you by giving you a glimpse into my relationship with my beloved Abba. The following is a day by day summary of some of the larger points.

November 18: I cannot ever get past living loved. You said on that day, “You cannot ever get past this, child, and it’s when you lose sight of my love, for whatever reason, even ‘good ones,’ that you falter.” Papa, I know now that I have only barely begun to understand how much you love me, love each one of us!
November 21: This new understanding came the day after I read about your focused listening, Jesus, in Jan Johnson’s latest book. The epiphany on this day that you, O God, are always listening intently to each of us like a doting father or dear friend was revolutionary. But now, Papa, I realize how easy it is to lose such treasure as insights like this. Help me to guard and meditate and keep until it is a permanent part of my conscious life.
November 22: On this day I realized two very important things: first that you listen not only to our words, but also to our thoughts. I have known this, of course, but it made a deep impact on me in a way never before experienced. Second, I realized that you have indeed fulfilled your promise in July 2007 to take my heart and face into your hands and keep them turned towards you—amazing! It becomes harder and harder not to think about you! I also realized anew that I still try to control the growth process at times but that you are making me more and more aware of this so that I can quickly repent.
November 23: There is so much on this day that I bookmarked it with the date, but in a nutshell I was first blown away by ___'s email which led to my pondering the deep changes you have made in me (and continue to make). Then there was the renewal of the quest for the supernatural (we have barely tasted what you have for us in that regard). There was the reminder about peace and purity as essentials and then from 2 Timothy 2:22 a reminder to pursue righteousness, etc. And following that there came the realization that I am now better than ever to discern my motives as to why I am ministering to someone (my heart is to keep me out of it altogether! And now I can at least begin to see when that isn't the case!).
November 24: This one is best summarized by quoting here part of what you said to me. “You asked me to show you my ways—whenever it becomes easy to be distracted and hard to connect with me, whenever your peace goes away, stop and let me search your heart. I will always show you the obstacle, the sin, the attitude, and I will quickly forgive and draw you back to me.”
November 25: Papa, looking at this summary reveals how incredibly kind you have been to me! There is an almost constant stream of revelation of late. On this day came the simple but transforming realization that we are to listen to you for direction even while we are in the process of being tempted—"lead us not into temptation" implies that we are listening. And the second major thing this day was the reminder from Brother Lawrence to do everything out of love for you. I think I am just beginning to understand the implication of this, Papa!
November 26: This day’s treasure is best summarized by a quote I inserted from November 25, 2007. “I see more clearly than ever that your original call to me simply grows larger and more pervasive, rather than changing its nature. So the discipline and focus of my life is always to be only on the one thing.” So as I wrote back then, the one theme is how pervasive and all-consuming your Psalm 27:4/2Cor. 3:18 call to me is!
November 27—from my writing: “You have raised up for me several huge things of late: you are always listening to me, I am to aspire to do everything because of love for you, I am to live a life of worship. And I see so clearly this morning, Abba Pai, that I have not, these past few days, really ‘waited’ on you.” This day I saw a reminder to “wait” for you—something I still struggle with, Abba, as you know.
November 28: Ah, Papa! This day, this date, I saw your love in a huge new way. This was the day that you took me back to Brother Lawrence’s quote that I carry (the King who loves us even as we confess sin), and from there to Andrew Murray, Emma Murray quotes and finally to the Graham Cooke Prophecy (in Approaching the Heart of Prophecy). This day I realized that I can at least part of the time see your love as Brother Lawrence and Andrew Murray did! I gaze upon your beauty with fresh awe and wonder.

Okay, I guess I will find out if being this transparent has any value to you. I can count on some of you to let me know.

And the quote from Brother Lawrence I reference in this post can be found in my earlier post on March 26 of this year. Click here if you want to take a peek at it.

Keep listening and watching for His love,

Tom, Abba's little boy