Why do I write so much about healthy relationships? Several reasons come to mind. First and most important: Jesus Himself said that healthy relationships among His followers would be the number one indicator to the world that we are His followers. "You are to live in healthy relationship with one another as I have with you. Everyone will know that you are my followers by the healthy relationships you have with one another." (paraphrase of John 13:34-35 that de-spiritualizes the word "love.") That the early believers understood this to be true is evident in the emphasis that the writers of the New Testament place upon healthy relationships. John, Paul and Peter to name a few, all spend far more time talking about relationships than about personal righteousness.
The second reason I write so often about relationships is that I see so little evidence of emotionally healthy relationships among US Christians. Many recent conversations have made this painfully obvious to me once again. So many "Christian leaders" are driven, "people-using" persons! I sometimes wonder if these "Christian leaders" have read the gospels and seen how Jesus lived! He said to "Love one another as I have loved you," not "use one another as I have used you." And He clearly stated more than once that Christian leaders were to "look, act and feel like slaves" to those they lead: "Whoever wants to become the first among you must serve all of you like a slave." (Mark 10:44, NCV). Again, the NT writers caught this concept and lived it out. In 2 Corinthians 4:5 Paul writes, "For we do not proclaim ourselves; we proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord and ourselves as your slaves for Jesus' sake." (RSV).
The third reason I write so often about healthy relationships give today's entry its title: there is tremendous healing in healthy relationships (health begets health, wholeness gives birth to wholeness). This has been brought home to me once again as I have (again) been reviewing Bo's Cafe in preparation for a season of ministry in California. Healthy relationships and the "environment" that nurtures them are wonderfully defined via the story in Bo's Cafe, which I have written about before, of course. Everybody needs a Bo's Cafe! Ideally, every expression of the church would be so organic that that would be the norm for God's people, but until it is, I will be a fervent evangelist for believers being intentional about forming their own "Bo's Cafes." I wonder what the world would see if every follower of Jesus was part of a community who had people in it like Andy, the main "mentor" in the story? I close with a few excerpts from Andy's email to young Steven. These are some of the best descriptions I have ever found of the kind of safe and whole person who facilitates Bo's Cafe experiences. (from pages 104-108).
"I don't want your trust for my benefit, but for yours. I will never demand it... I can only ask your permission to earn it. Trust is a right response to another's love."
"Do I see others as sinners trying to be saints, or as saints who still sometimes fail? Is it my goal that something will get conquered or fixed, or that nothing will remain hidden? That one's huge...There are very few places where the value of no hiding is placed above getting the other person 'better.'"
"You see, nobody ever arrives. I certainly haven't. We just learn to depend and trust better. Eventually we can grow more mature and become better friends to others. We can learn how to love while learning to be loved. And we can learn how to offer protection in exchange for permission."
Ah, Papa! Raise up many "Andys," I pray! Ah, Papa! My heart so longs to see the power of your wholeness expressed through healthy community. Keep me tender, strongly gentle and humble before others that I may lead as a slave!
Tom, one of Abba's little boys
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