Where Our Confidence Lies

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah (Psalm 46:1-3)

I didn't want to go there, back 5 months in my journal where Papa was leading me, because I knew that was right at the start of the terrible/wonderful journey into healing that Jettie has been on. I knew I would read there many reminders of just how weak and how much pain my beloved was in at that time. But Father was gently insistent, so I found the entry for August 21, 2009, and I was riveted by what I saw there, especially the reference to Psalm 46.

You see I have been pondering for several days now the undeniable fact that true wholeness and rest can only be found when we learn to place our confidence in God alone, and I mean in God alone (not what He does, not what He gives, etc.). Others have said this along the way, of course (starting with the Psalmist!). A.W. Tozer, in his towering work, The Knowledge of the Holy, talking about Abraham's faith in receiving the promise of a son, says: "so do we base our hope in God alone and hope against hope till the day breaks. We rest in what God is" And Graham Cooke can often be heard telling us that our confidence must lie only in "Who God is, not what He does; in His nature and character, not His actions."

This is not to say, of course, that faith is blind. As I have written earlier, God very much shows up in tangible ways to reveal Himself when the Gospel is properly presented. But because biblical faith is the trust that grows out of our deepening intimacy with God, it by definition can only rest on God Himself (a person) and His character, not on our perception of His "behavior." I am convinced, as you probably are, that what God is doing is always good, very good, but the fact is, my understanding is so limited that I am likely to misinterpret what He is doing even when it "looks good" from my perspective. And when things don't look good from my perspective, I find myself blind to His work and prone to despair if my confidence rests anywhere besides in Him, who He has revealed Himself to be.

Now the challenge with this, of course, is that circumstances are so much easier to experience and see than the intangible goodness of God. And this material world with its experiences good and bad seems so very real! How then am I to trust in an invisible God? Yes, I can look at His acts in the past to see a pattern of His faithfulness, and I can read about his faithfulness and goodness in Scripture, but at some point I am face to face with a decision to cling simply to Him, not my understanding of these things.

So how do you do this? Perhaps it's different for everyone, but I am learning to give expression to my fears to Him (even when it feels like He is not there). And I am learning to collapse into Him even when I cannot sense His presence. I simply choose as best I can (which is often a pretty shaky choice) to come, rest, collapse, lean on, wait. And then He comes...often not as I expect but He always comes... And I find myself again quoting Psalm 94:17-19 (see my entry for September 17, 2009).

But it can't be that simple, can it? Ah, but it is. It has to be simple because God wants to be accessible to the simplest and most childlike of us. "When I said, 'My foot is slipping!' your love, O LORD, supported me." (Psalm 94:18). "You came near when I called you, and you said, 'Do not fear.'" (Lamentations 3:57).

How does this apply to you? Part of that only you can answer. But I am also convinced that God is giving western Christians a huge gift in the shaking of everything unreliable that we have typically placed our confidence in (money, political process, knowledge, etc.). And whenever everything is shaken He stands ready to receive us and personally be our refuge.

Note that you can sort of tell where your confidence really lies by what keeps coming up as your recurring fear! (Think about it). You can also determine where your confidence really lies by where you run to first in times of trouble. I mention this not to condemn you but to invite you to examine your fears, taking them into Papa's presence and allowing Him to shift your confidence to Him. :-)

Just "thinking out loud" this time, I guess. I hope you hear Father's invitation to examine where your confidence lies so that you can rest in Him.

Finally, just so you know, Jettie's symptoms are gone and we live in the expectancy that the doctors will soon certify her healing. We thank you for and welcome your continuing prayers.

Learning to place my confidence in Him alone.

Tom, one of Abba's children