Today, a very personal and perhaps stretching entry for some of you. Please know that I offer it to you with a tender and childlike heart!
I gave up working for God on July 2, 2004. That was when my journey into intimacy with Papa God commenced with unprecedented force and reality. Now, almost 5 years later, I think I am just beginning to understand what the difference is between working and bearing fruit.
When God called me into this "Secret Place Journey" or this life of "abiding," His first words to me (in response to my reading Exodus 33:15) were, “This is to be your pattern from now on, son. Don’t leave until you know my presence goes with you.” I was soon to realize that what He meant was literally a continual and conscious awareness of His presence--something that up to that point seemed beyond comprehension!
On the next day, as I basked in the wonder of what I was beginning to understand, I asked, "Are you doing this in me because You are up to something, Lord, or is this how it should always be?" and He answered me, “Both! This is how I want all my children to walk, but my people have so lost this that I have to restore it before I can bring my next great move on the earth. I am calling you and many others to experience this and then lead others to the same place. I am raising up an army of those who know me so intimately that I can guide them with my eye.” I am sure that you can imagine how blown away I was this statement at the time, yet I knew that I was hearing His voice.
Later that same month, as I struggled to understand how to live this amazing, childlike, surrendered life and was berating myself for my failures, He said, “What part of ‘nothing’ don’t you understand? Apart from me you can do nothing—should do nothing. Read again John 15! Fruitfulness comes from me, from our relationship. Return to the ‘ancient paths,’ my son and turn not aside from them. I will be with you, I AM with you!”
Since that time it has been a rather bumpy journey at times, as I reverted again and again to self effort, to self-accusation, well...to self! It is incredibly counter-intuitive to live in such a way that you are consciously aware of God's presence and instantly aware of when you have turned away from Him and again seized control of your life! But as Father continued to woo me back and change me deeply, I began to notice that the "practice of the Presence" was becoming if not continuous, at least remarkably consistent, with fewer and briefer seasons away from this life.
And recently I had a day when I could sense His presence in a palpable way almost the entire day, and it was remarkably “fruitful” and filled with ongoing communication between God and me. Then this morning, at His leading, I reviewed Isaiah 30:15 ff and my entry in my journal. I was amazed at what I read there. I again quote directly from my journal. "What wonder is this? For my noon time Secret Place you lead me to John 15, and there I see more clearly than ever the connection between abiding and fruit bearing. Wuest makes the connection between vv. 5 and 8 especially clear, and also verse 5 says that the one 'maintaining a living communion with me bearing fruit.' This on top of yesterday's reading (in chapter 21 in Andrew Murray's With Christ In the School of Prayer) and today on page 99 (same book) are filling me with gratitude and awe. What you have told me from the beginning, and I am now just beginning to live, is being overwhelmingly confirmed." The discovery today of what Wuest's translation is really saying continues to amaze me: bearing fruit IS the absolutely predictable and certain outcome of maintaining living communion with Jesus!
And my friends, trust me. Compared to one year ago, the confirmation and the actual living out of this kind of life is even greater. Not that I have "arrived" by any means, but I now see how badly we have missed what was for the early followers of Jesus the normal "Christian" life!
So does this mean that we do nothing? It’s not that we don’t do anything, check out Colossians 1:28-29, rather it’s a matter of whose power and direction we are depending upon, and for me, I must sense His presence in genuine actuality (I remind you that Andrew Murray told us long ago that this is possible as did his wife, Emma--search for Murray on my blog and you will find their words about this). For me, then, as I go through the day, the questions I am asking myself are, "Who am I trusting right now? Who is in charge right now? Who am I depending on right now?"
For me to even approach living this way has required much time with God, constantly renewed surrender, learning more and more to live loved (deeply aware of His love), and seeking to be "being filled with the Spirit" (some call it soaking but it's more than that--you actually get so still and tender that you sense Him coming upon you and welling up from within you). And all along the way, He is the One who is carrying me along as I yield and yield and yield to His love and seek to be constantly inundated by His Spirit.
Again, I have not perfected this—I have just finished a season where I “lost it” to some degree. But I no longer “lose it” like I used to (there is an almost continuous inner focus on Father's smiling face in my life now), and as I do live in this place, sin has very little grip on me and the supernatural becomes increasingly natural. It's wonderful, amazing and explains why the Gospel is indeed Good News.
Hmmm. This is a long one. I trust that it's at least sort of clear. And my purpose in presenting this to you is not to suggest that I am farther along on the journey than others. Rather I want everyone to know that this kind of life is possible, normal and what God has planned for each of us. Yes, how it unfolds will look different in each of us (not everyone has the luxury of extended times with Father as I do), but it is the norm, I believe, for all who wish to bear fruit and give up once and for all "working for God"!
Stay lost in His love, inundated by His power!
Tom, one of Abba's little boys
3 comments:
Hi, Tom,
What you wrote is wonderful, although you know my story, this is the only life I have known. I want to share a little of it again with you.
Having truly hit rock bottom in my life at the age of 19, this has been my Spirit led walk now for 22 years. I became a believer at the age of 5; however, I do not count those years because I was not Spirit filled and Spirit led. Having hit rock bottom and being Spirit filled I learned nothing compare to knowing Him, and pursued to develop a live of intimacy with Him (Phil. 3:7-16). He became my reason for being and all I lived for and I found my purpose was to live a life of worship for Him 24/7/365.
I learned from the beginning of my Spirit filled walk to live my life dwelling in the presence of God continually, and He would manifest His presence to me (John 14:21).This was almost daily encounter with the manifest presence of God, just being in His presence and continues to be so now. This is what it means to enter His rest which is available to all, but the cost is steep, death to self and full, total and complete surrender to Him. As we surrender our will and desires to Him and His will we learn to live a Spirit led life. I was led by the Spirit to read some of Andrew Murray’s books and Practicing His Presence which only confirmed what the Spirit had already taught me. These books not only encouraged me as the Spirit ministered to me through them, but gave me a starting point to express and explain my Spirit filled walk experience with others.
Bottom line is if we choose to walk in the flesh or we choose to learn to walk in the Spirit. If we choose to walk in the flesh then we struggle with the sins of the flesh, and also like the Pharisees struggle serving God from self, selfishness, and self-effort, or wrong motives. All selfishness including loving acts of kindness, or ministry done from selfish ambitions comes from self and is sin and will be burnt up (1Cor. 3:11-15; 2 Cor. 5:9-11).
The Key is we as individual believers must learn to die to self and to truly surrender to Him, then we can truly learn to be led by the Spirit in our daily lives. This is when we truly love God more than self and other and has first place in our hearts and then manifest, reveals Himself to us (John 14:21). This is so simple, and yet so few have experience the living reality of God (John 16:13; 1 John 2:27).The Spirit led life is the only way to live real before the Lord and know to are loved, comforted, and taught by the Spirit.
I love “Son-ning” myself in His presence, so I am going to go and “Son” myself in His presence and get a glorious glow about me as He manifests His presence to me. Have you “Sonned” yourself today?
Live loved resting in His presence!
His nothing,
Jeff
Hi, Tom,
Earlier, I made a comment that said something to this effect. All selfishness including loving acts of kindness, or ministry done from selfish ambitions comes from self and is sin and will be burnt up (1Cor. 3:11-15; 2 Cor. 5:9-11).
The statement loving acts of kindness are those acts coming for selfish love. Example, sinners or Christians who are in love with someone they choose to fornicate or commit adultery. Many things appear to be loving acts of kindness such as giving to charities, but come from sinful motives.
I just wanted to clear that up. Thanks! Still swamped?
Grace and peace,
His nothing,
Jeff
Hi Tom,
Thank you so much for your openness. I must say that it is one of the most notable traits that this journey with Abba is manifesting in us!
It is certainly true that Abba is up to something. I recently had an encounter with Him that I want to put on the SC network. I was in southwest VA working with a friend who has just learned of having cancer. We had some wonderful times of basking in His presence while talking and praying about how he was going to handle it. This particular afternoon I was in the barn alone doing some work. I was singing praises and working along when I became extremely aware of His presence. I spoke out loud, "I'm looking for you Jesus!", then continued praising him and working. A few moments later I had a strong sense that someone was in the barn. As I lifted up my head I caught an image out of the corner of my eye. It was the very tail-end of something that looked like a bright white robe darting around the corner of the barn door. Such joy filled my heart. I immediately was reminded of Song of Solomon. Then the thought, "Jesus is playing hide-n-seek with me! It was an incredible time of joyful fellowship with Abba.
I know that there is a deeper purpose than making us "feel" good--although it is the most incredible feeling. I liked what you said about the Lord leading us with His eyes. To me it speaks of the deepest longing of His heart. His desire is to bring His children back into that garden relationship so that once he sends us into the harvest field of our world, He will only have to glance at someone--we will automatically know that that is the one we are to share Abba's love with at that moment in time. My Baptist friends are using a phrase, "Living Sent." I like another thing you mentioned that echoes that. "Living Loved." Once we come into that kind of relationship with our wonderful Father, we can't help but spread His love to our lost and dying world.
Thank you for being papa's little boy who includes his friends in the things that papa is doing in and through you!
blessings on you.
ron
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