As I reflected in your presence this morning, Father, I realized that our envy of people who are more “successful” than we are grows out of our own insecurity and self rejection. If we reject who it is that you have made us to be, and if we view life in terms of performance rather than obedience, then we will inevitably feel bad about those who achieve more than we do. But if we accept ourselves and become free from self rejection and self disgust; if we come to a place of true humility where we joyfully slip into the little spot you have for us in the grand scheme of things, then we rejoice at the success and the honor of others with complete sincerity and no envy or personal regret. I ask then, Father, that you heal in me whatever wounds are left, whatever “father wounds” are there that make me so afraid to look at my life and so afraid to accept myself and my role. I ask for this not out of self absorption but out of a desire to be free from self once and for all, so that I can indeed “gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek Him in His temple,” so that I can seek you and you alone and live only for your glory, completely secure in my role in my destiny; completely free to rejoice in the success, prosperity and achievements of others.
Abba, as you answer my prayer based on Psalm 139: 23-24, and as I become more and more aware of your love and acceptance of me in spite of my abysmal sinfulness, I am undone by your love and the extent of your grace, and I faintly begin to see how the great saints of the past could refer to themselves as the "blackest of sinners"! (“Holy Obedience,” in A Testament of Devotion, page 67). Thank you for your amazing grace, Papa!
No comments:
Post a Comment