Sadly, the Western Church has often missed the Kingdom’s life-on-life design. One of the clearest examples is the “bigger is better” mindset, which allows gifted speakers to appear spiritually impressive while neglecting or even harming those closest to them.
But that’s not how God’s Kingdom works. True transformation begins in our closest relationships. The people nearest us should experience the greatest evidence of God’s work in our lives—and from there, it flows outward to others.
I don’t need to cite examples—this problem is all too common in today’s church culture. Just tonight over dinner, Jettie and I were talking about a well-known mega-church pastor who constantly loses staff. And sadly, this kind of pattern repeats itself again and again—often with consequences far worse than staff turnover. (Remember, I live in Colorado Springs—I’ve seen plenty.)
How did we get so far off track? Life in Jesus can only be passed on through close, personal relationships. Integrity means we must live most authentically with those nearest to us. That’s why Paul could say more than once, “You know how I lived,”—something possible only when people live life-on-life.
Jesus modeled this perfectly. When He called the twelve, Mark 3:14 says he chose them “that they might be with him”and then sent them out. Their transformation didn’t come just from his teaching—it came from being with him. His life shaped theirs. Read the Gospels with that lens, and you’ll see it clearly.
The Apostle Paul carried on in this same way. Consider the towering passage in 1 Thessalonians 2:5-12 NIV (This was his earliest letter). I have highlighted certain phrases to make the point.5 You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness.
6 We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you,
7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.
8 We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us
9 Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.
10 You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed.
11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children,
12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
And then there's 1 Corinthians 11:1, which virtually requires constant life-on-life contact, and the list could go on (check out Acts 20:18 ff. and 2 Timothy 3:14 for examples).
So what does this mean? In my case, it means that my wife, above all others, should benefit most from God's transforming work in my life. Those closest to me should most clearly see Christ being formed in me. And for you? Fill in the blanks.
This is upside down from much of current church culture, isn't it? Most of the time, those who minister are judged on "anointing" (something every believer has!) or eloquence or the ability to persuade or impress others. But true Kingdomlife requires us to look deeper and live more deeply. As I like to say, "Come live with me. Treat your spouse the way I treat mine. Treat the server the way I treat him/her. Treat those who can't hear what I am saying about them the way I treat them." You get the point. Not that I have perfected any of this, but may my life, far more than my words, be a constant challenge to live loved, surrendered and loving.
There you have it. What do you think?
Tom, one of Abba's little boys
6 We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you,
7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.
8 We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us
9 Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.
10 You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed.
11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children,
12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
And then there's 1 Corinthians 11:1, which virtually requires constant life-on-life contact, and the list could go on (check out Acts 20:18 ff. and 2 Timothy 3:14 for examples).
So what does this mean? In my case, it means that my wife, above all others, should benefit most from God's transforming work in my life. Those closest to me should most clearly see Christ being formed in me. And for you? Fill in the blanks.
This is upside down from much of current church culture, isn't it? Most of the time, those who minister are judged on "anointing" (something every believer has!) or eloquence or the ability to persuade or impress others. But true Kingdomlife requires us to look deeper and live more deeply. As I like to say, "Come live with me. Treat your spouse the way I treat mine. Treat the server the way I treat him/her. Treat those who can't hear what I am saying about them the way I treat them." You get the point. Not that I have perfected any of this, but may my life, far more than my words, be a constant challenge to live loved, surrendered and loving.
There you have it. What do you think?
Tom, one of Abba's little boys
5 comments:
May my wonderful wife and partner forgive me for the times I haven't done as you say. But, as I am learning to walk in His love, it is so much easier, or maybe I should say natural to overflow that love to her.
gary s chapman
www.garyschapman.com
Hey Tom,
Blog reader #2 here checking in ...
So, let me get this straight, you are saying that as a leader in the Body of Christ, we should actually get so close to people that they know who we really are? I personally find this very threatening. I would prefer to find a platform for my gifting whereby I can bless God's people "from afar" so to speak. I think it is best to keep a safe distance from the people you actual minister to on a regular basis, because frankly, we do not want them to see God's appointed leadership in the church as those who suffer, struggle, and stumble all the way to Jesus' feet. I am quite certain that would give them license to sin unabashedly, or something like that, because really when it comes down to it, how can I entrust them to Christ when I cannot even trust myself?
Tom, There must be more than 5! We just don't always comment :) Since this is my first, bear with me. My thoughts are; you are right on the mark. I think of how this is, can and will become more of a reality in the body as we sink further into the Fathers acceptance of who we are enough to not care about what others think of us. Then the pretence and/or protection can stop and we truly will be able to be a light and they will "know we are Christians by our love"! And not just for the ones in distant lands or at arms length but for those closest to us, the ones that matter most and who people take note of how we treat and are, or hopefully are, drawn to Christ by the difference they see we have in our relationships. Those opportunities as you say to invitations. I see God's hand in bringing this about through the current flow of braking people free from the bonds of traditional thoughts not only about "church" but about "leadership",
"performance", God's supposed expectations of us and our own distorted expectations of ourselves that Papa is healing as we surrender to His perfect love that casts out all fear which is what binds most of us...me..in the first place. Blog on bro, I love it.
Hi, Tom,
You are right on, hitting the nail on the head! My wife thought it was your best yet! We used your post for our family devotions last night going over it word for word and explaining it to our boys. I know you are reaching more than five!
Believers who have an intimate relationship with Jesus live lives of integrity first with their spouse and children before ministering to those outside of their immediate family. We are to be real at home first with our spouse and our children this is where the rubber meets the road! This is where we live out our faith where we walk the talk first.
The divorce rate in the body of Christ is at 50% the same as the secular world, leaders of mega- churches divorcing and still preaching on TBN deceived that nothing is wrong with them. How many other homes are unhappy homes, just struggling to stay together for some reason, maybe for the kids or some other reason? Something is wrong, if only the believers would realize it! Talk is cheap! Let our walk be authentic and not a hollow ring!
Jesus set the example of churches that met in houses through which true discipleship could take place. Paul followed the example Jesus set starting churches that met in houses where true discipleship works due to the intimacy and accountability it provides through close relationships.
The true test of our relationship with Jesus is found in how we treat those closest to us, those who are the most important to us. A heart that is right with the Lord should enable us to love and treat our spouse and our children right! When this is lived out in the context of our families then we can truly become our brother’s keeper loving and caring about them by watching out for their interests and welfare.
Somewhere around 10% have left the traditional church and probably only 1% of them truly get it. How do we truly change the traditional mindset so prevalent in our churches, denominations, Bible colleges, schools, and institutes in our lifetime? How do we get the CEO mentality of believers to see bigger is not better and see quality more important than quantity?
May the Lord bless you and enable you to stand perfect and complete in all the will of God!
His nothing,
Jeff
Hi Tom, looks like I'm #5.
Jill and I had a long talk about this yesterday morning.
'What do you want?' I asked. 'I want your best' she said, 'Your best energy, not what's left over after you have given to everyone else.'
The problem? I'm wired as a fast--paced doer. Ministry opportunities abound. Emails come, the phone rings. We ignored three calls while having that conversation Saturday morning, and recognized afresh that the tyranny of the urgent is ever beckoning to destroy the simple, peaceful, bountiful relationship that Papa wants us to enjoy with Him and each other.
It is Spring in DC, and the Cherry blossoms are in full bloom. This morning we are going to meander around the tidal basin, hand in hand, enjoying Father's creation, and each other.
Is there work to be done and tasks to be accomplished, people to minister to? Of course, there will always be more to do than time to do it, right?
The beautiful thing is the life together is self-reinforcing. After lingering in love yesterday we again had the epiphany, "This is good. We ought to do this more often."
On the journey,
Jeff
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