The Activities of Intimacy

     Last week I promised to write this entry about the "activities of intimacy." It's important, as I said last week, that we get the motivation right first, but there are actions involved deepening our relationship with God (or with anyone, for that matter). What are some of those actions? Here are a few thoughts.

     First, one of my favorite things to say to people about their relationship with God is, "If you turn your relationship with God into a human relationship and it looks odd, you need to question how you are going about it!" What I mean by that is that even though a relationship with the God of the Universe has many obviously unique qualities about it, at its heart it's still a relationship and is built in the same way any healthy relationship is built. 

     If I want to get to know someone and deepen my relationship with him/her, I have to hang out with that person, listen to that person, share my heart with that person, care about what that person cares about, etc. So what do these things look like when we put them into practice in our desire to deepen our relationship with God? Perhaps it's easier to say what it shouldn't look like: "Having devotions," checking off the Scripture reading for today, going over the prayer checklist are shallow and often feeble attempts to build a relationship with Papa God. This is where my little suggestion comes into play. What would my wife think if I spent time with her every day in the same place in the same way covering the same things, etc., like some believers do with God? What would my best friend think if I listened to him via a checklist, reading, for example a certain number of emails or listening for a certain length of time then moving on to other things? What would I as a parent think of my sons if they came to me with a checklist of things to ask for? I think you get the picture.

     Now I am not saying that there shouldn't be intentionality in our times with God. I am not suggesting that we can't have some "routine" in being alone with God or similar activities. There are, in fact, several things in my walk with God that are quite routine and very intentional. I always present myself to God in the mornings and choose to sit with Him until the awareness of His presence overshadows everything else. I always journal my thoughts (and His thoughts) on a daily basis. I often lift concerns for others into His presence for His answers and for His counsel. I do seek to discover Him in the pages of Scripture as He leads. I guess the difference is that I view my times with Papa as a "date" rather than a duty. And I when I read Scripture I am seeking to get to know the Promise-Keeper more than I am looking for promises, and I am longing to meet the Prince of Peace rather than find 10 principles for having peace. I also find myself in conversation with Him throughout the day rather than relegating my relationship with Him to a set time and place with a checklist in hand. I trust you can see the difference here. And I hope you don't hear me implying that I have this down pat! It's important for you to know that it's taken a while for God to lead me to this shift from religious activity to activities of intimacy, and I am still a work in progress. But I am living proof that a highly "religious" and duty-oriented "Martha" can become a Jesus-captured, intimacy-addicted "Mary." If it can happen for me, it can happen for you if it hasn't already.

     It's also important to know that our uniqueness as individuals means that God will customize and personalize how He relates to each of us in ways that best fits how He made us. For example, some folks find that being outdoors in natural beauty helps them to draw close to God, but others find that being outdoors distracts or otherwise hinders their relationship with God. Some folks find that music helps them quiet down and hear God's whispers. Others find that it pulls them away from inner stillness because they start singing along! My point is: find what best works for you in terms of building awareness of God's love and grace, find what works best in terms of how you "hear" Him and let Him lead you deeper into those kinds of activities. Remember that Papa is far more eager about this than you ever could be! My sense is that anyone who chooses to stop "doing things to be a better Christian" and starts living in a way that builds a trusting relationship with Papa will find their own unique "activities of intimacy." That's certainly my prayer for any and all whom Papa brings across my path!

Pursuing the Pursuer,

Tom, One of Abba's children

Responding to the Great Initiator

     Last week, as I began my multi-part answer to Tony's question about intimacy with God, I wrote the following: "The word 'responder' implies action. But it's a different kind and type of 'action.' A response to another's initiations is different from my effort to initiate something, but it's still a response and involves activity. But it's a very different kind of activity, motivated by a very different understanding of the why of that activity." I also said I would have to expand on these thoughts later, so today is the "later," at least for the question of motivation.
     It's probably obvious that motivation varies depending on how we view a relationship with someone. We can all think of stories of one-sided or lop-sided love where only one partner was fully engaged and participating. But surely that's not true for our relationship with God, right? In reality, of course, the answer is "No!" But what about our perception of God's role in our relationship? Most of us would deny that we view God as reluctant or "playing hard to get," but the behavior of many believers says otherwise. I often find a striving and anxiety in many "seekers of God" that is totally out of line with a mutually passionate relationship, and I am convinced that the reason for this is that many folks really don't know God as the fiercely loving and pursuing God that He is. 
     As we experience the truth about God's love in our hearts, our motivation shifts from one of fear and frantic desperation (hoping we might find Him if we work hard enough, are sincere enough, etc.) to one of desire and expectancy that stirs us to go to any length to find Him. We find ourselves "waiting in ambush" for the God who is already after us! (There's a reason why "wait" in the Bible means "wait in hopeful expectation," isn't there? It gives us a picture of us waiting in ambush for a loving Daddy rather than chasing heartlessly after a rather disinterested God who plays "hide and seek.")
     I won't talk about the activity of intimacy until next week, but please note that any action that flows from healthy motivation is even more focused and intense than action that's motivated by fear. Unhealthy, fearful motivation ("I hope He loves me," "If I can just make Him love me...") can never lead to a healthy relationship because we are attempting to build a relationship with a distorted image of God rather than with God Himself--you cannot have an intimate relationship with an illusion! Furthermore, we simply will not be able to allow our hearts to fully embrace One we fear more than we love and trust. On the other hand, if "I know that I know that I know" that I will find infinite love waiting for me, I will gladly allow the Lover to love me and will passionately pursue my Pursuer. Looking for the One we know adores us and desires us far more than we desire Him changes everything, and it opens the door to intimacy beyond comprehension. We can forever drown in the depths of His love--there is no end, not ever. Song of Songs 3:4 captures some of this, I think: "I found the One I adore, my Beloved! I caught Him and fastened myself to Him, Refusing to be feeble in my heart again." (Brian Simmons, The Most Amazing Song of All by King Solomon- The Passion Translation.
     So my friends, if we really do grasp that God is the Initiator and is actively and fiercely pursuing us in order to be good to us and "love on us," it changes everything! But how do we get there? One thing that has helped me immensely is Papa's frequent reminder of the many love-infused times I had with my sons. The two pictures on this blog are snapshots of many, many fun and love-filled times that Jon and Josh and I enjoyed. I think of many walks down the beach, times going fishing, wrestling on the floor, etc. I also think of times when my love was fierce and aggressive: a time when I rushed down a hill to pluck Josh out of an anthill--nothing would have stopped me from reaching him! I think of how my sons were hesitant to tell me about anyone "messing with them" because of how fiercely I would move to protect them! My sons knew that I was fierce and unrelenting in my love for them (I still am), and God has used the images of my life with my sons many times to show me how to respond to Him. He is infinitely more loving and fierce in His love for me than I could ever be, even though I cannot imagine a love stronger than the love I have for my family!  
     But lest you think I write as one who has all of this down pat, I will tell you that even writing these words today has caused me to "repent" and adjust my view of Papa. How easy it is, this many years into this journey, to revert back to pursuing a God I believe is rather distant and committed to making things hard on me! (But the good news is that He still comes after me/us in my faulty perspective and attitude--amazing!)
     And so I return to new motivation, responding to the Initiator because His love for me makes anything else worthless! I close with a "response" to the Lover of our souls from the Song of Songs (4:6)--another quote from Brian Simmons' Passion Translation that I think expresses well the deep motivation that comes from seeing our Lover as He really is: "I’ve made up my mind. Until the darkness disappears And the dawn has fully come, In spite of shadows and fears—I will go to the mountain top with You. I will climb with You The mountain of suffering love and the hill of burning incense. Yes, I will be Your bride."

Wandering in the depths of His love...

Tom, one Abba's dearly loved children

The Great Initiator

     I promised Tony, a former student of mine and fellow pursuer of God, that I would write a blog answering the following question from him. The question was prompted by, among other things, reading my article "Intimacy and Mission." (Which I put in blog form back in April 23 and May 7, 2007). Here's Tony's question (or sort of question), which he signed as one "Desperately desiring to live in intimacy with God that overflows."
     "Tom, tell me we really can do these things, we really can love God and be loved so much, and that we can live there and lead others to this promised land where we are compelled by Christ's love and the power of God flows out of and through us as naturally as it did for Jesus when he walked among us in human form. Tell me we can walk with the Father, being one with him, doing what he does, saying what he says, knowing his heart and sharing it. I want to believe, help me with my unbelief."
     Yes, Tony, it is not only possible but is God's deepest desire for each of His children. But I certainly can't answer your question in a few brief paragraphs. I also realize that any answer I give will take an indirect route to "Yes, it's possible." So this will be the first of a series, and it will be in some ways a summary of various things I have said before. So here goes...
     I think one of the first and most important steps for me in this journey was the huge and growing epiphany that God is better and "gooder" than I ever imagined. At the core of an intimate walk with God is getting to know Him as He really is, and this, at least for me, has resulted in a total paradigm shift in terms of who God is which resulted in a huge change in how I relate to Him. It's almost as if everything I previously thought about God or had been taught about God had to be turned upside down. 
     One big example of this revolves around the question: who is pursuing whom? It was a huge "ah ha!" moment for me to realize that I was the one being pursued rather than the one pursuing. It's as if one day in my hot pursuit of God I stopped trying so hard to catch Him, and He crashed into me and overwhelmed me--He caught me. I am still caught up in wonder at God's fierce and unrelenting pursuit of my heart! I discovered that, rather than my being the initiator in this dance of intimacy, He is the initiator and I am the responder.
     In some ways, of course, this should not be a surprise, given how often we see God as the pursuer in Scripture. Beginning in the Garden after the fall ("Adam, where are you?"), and continuing throughout the biblical record, it is abundantly clear that God is always the initiator and the pursuer. Abraham was worshiping idols and not looking for God, Moses was tending sheep and not looking for God, David was also tending sheep and certainly not planning to be King of Israel, Peter and Andrew were cleaning their nets and not planning to be two of the Twelve, Saul of Tarsus was certainly not planning to become a follower of Jesus! And then there's the whole of the redemption story: God pursuing his wandering children to the point of paying the ultimate and infinite price in order to reconcile them to Himself (Romans 5:6-8 and 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 are two of many passages related to this). I think you get the point: God is the Great Initiator in everything, and that certainly includes living in intimate relationship with Him.
     Why is this important? Just this one facet of the new paradigm changes everything! If God is the pursuer, then my focus is shifted from trying to trusting, from running to resting, from moving to being still, etc. My focus is shifted from what I am doing and how I am doing it to the One I say I want to meet! And it gets better, of course, as we realize that we really already have what we are chasing. Believers are already in Christ, already seated in the heavenly realms, already hidden with Christ in God, already face to face with God, already fully indwelt by God the Holy Spirit, etc. Remembering these things and really letting Papa show us what they mean are huge keys to the door to intimacy, at least they have been for me. And discovering all of this (or more accurately, having it revealed to us) is like returning home after another hard day of pursuing God only to discover that He was in our living room waiting for us the entire day!
     But does this mean that we just helplessly wait until He decides to bring us closer to Him? I don't think so. The word "responder" implies action. But it's a different kind and type of "action." A response to another's initiations is different from my effort to initiate something, but it's still a response and still involves activity. But it's a very different kind of activity, motivated by a very different understanding of the why of that activity. It's more about discovery and realization than about frantic effort. But this topic will expand too much for me to go further in this entry, so I will have to continue some of this next week. For now, I close with a paragraph from my journal very early in my own journey into the Secret Place life. I trust you can hear the changing of paradigms that I was experiencing along with my awe and wonder. Maybe reading it will awaken something in your heart to help you respond to the Great Initiator as He pursues you, and help you to believe that yes, we can have face to face intimacy with God! (Written on July 3, 2004, the day after my first Secret Place encounter with Papa).

Can we, can I, Abba, hope to have a relationship with you like Moses—“face to face”? Surely the answer is “yes,” and for all believers, not just a few. 2 Corinthians 3:7ff. seems to indicate that we all can have “unveiled, face-to-face” intimacy with you because of the new covenant and by your Spirit.

Oh, Abba, what have we been missing?!! We have feared subjectivity and error so much that we have cut out the heart of what Jesus died to give us: true face-to-face, communication-filled intimacy with you!

But my heart sings at what I am starting to see. Show me all that you choose, Abba! Show me more!

The implications of this are huge! We have inadvertently—with good intentions—cut out the heart of the Good News. No wonder your people are burdened and powerless. No wonder they resort to legalism. They think that they are alone! For most of us, walking in the Spirit means filling our minds with Scripture then hoping that we will guess what you are saying.

We need not fear deception or imbalance if we keep our balance via Word and Spirit! The Word isn’t a substitute for Your Spirit or vice versa; the Word informs and gives clarity and depth to your speaking voice.

Responding to the One in Hot Pursuit of my heart,

Tom, one of Abba's little children

God and Politics?

     Today I will write my one and only blog on "politics."
     I should tell you, however, that I care about such matters only because God's Word tells me to be a good citizen. Romans 13:1-7 means that as a citizen in the USA I must vote, and I should do so as an informed voter. I generally don't focus very much on what human systems are up to, and I certainly do whatever is necessary to stay focused on Papa, which eliminates paying much attention to what the adversary is doing (hence I check the news, via web, only rarely). But having said that, my desire to obey Jesus compels me to give some thought to "politics." And I have felt a nudge for quite some time to share the basic convictions that guide me as I make decisions about elected officials. You may or may not agree with them, but I think they are fairly sound and grounded in the heart of God as revealed in Scripture.
     First, I never vote or endorse anyone who is morally confused. Anyone who is so confused as to believe that an unborn child is a target for extinction based on a mother's "rights" has already demonstrated that s/he is unable to make clear moral judgments. If someone misses on something as basic as protecting the most helpless and innocent human beings, it's unlikely that their moral compass will work in other areas. Yes, I know there are other moral issues, and I often struggle with the fact that persons who are clear on the right to life are not so clear on social justice, but I just can't get past the fact that moral confusion at this most basic level disqualifies someone from leading anything.
     Second, I never vote for or endorse someone who sacrifices love for the sake of being nice. Our culture has confused "being nice" with being loving and kind. It is not loving or kind to suggest to our (covertly miserable) gender-confused friends that they are beyond the reach of God's healing and delivering power. It is not kind nor loving to leave such people enslaved to the enemy by suggesting that they are just "different" and not damaged and confused.
     Third, I try never to vote nor endorse people who focus more on emotion than on good thinking. History is littered with demagogues who stirred up emotion and raised a following because people made decisions based on feelings rather than good thinking. Given the sad state of and low value placed on thinking in our nation these days, I pray more than ever that a true awakening will break in upon the church.
     Fourth, I never trust a leader who "looks in the mirror when things go well and who looks out the window when things go poorly." In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins rightly states that truly great leaders give credit to others when things go well (look out the window) and roll up their sleeves and accept personal responsibility when things go poorly (look in the mirror). Leaders who resort to blame to explain failures cannot ever lead effectively, no matter what the context.
     Fifth, I am not confused as to what is the Kingdom of God and what is "the American dream." I am fairly sure that the latter often gets in the way of the Kingdom of God, and when I pray for our nation I pray not for a restoration of the American dream but for a genuine awakening of God's people that will transform culture. The same God who cares about unborn children also cares about the effects of American greed and materialism not only on us but on the poor in other nations. An awakened Church will not only address issues like abortion, abuse and family but also the worship of the many false gods of American culture (you can discern what some of these are, I think!).
     Finally, I am aware that it's impossible to find a "perfect" candidate, but in my opinion  it dishonors people to talk about "the lesser of two evils." When has that not been true in one sense, eh? Unless Jesus were one of the candidates, it's always a choice of the better of two "less-than-perfect" candidates! Perhaps it's best to think in terms of God's leading us to support someone in terms of her/his moral strength, clarity of purpose and proven leadership ability. Thinking again of Jim Collins Good to Great, I find myself asking which candidates get closest to the Level 5 leader Jim's research discovered: people who were humble, quietly determined to do what's best for those they lead, who think not of themselves but of coming generations and look out the window in success and in the mirror in failure. (See Good to Great, page 36, for a more complete list--it's very compelling even in a secular context.)
     So there you have it: my one and only "political" blog entry. And even at the heart of this entry I trust you will find that it's intimacy with God that informs, guides and empowers us during these critical times for our nation and world.

In the World but not of the World,

Tom, one of Heaven's citizens

A Few More Thoughts On The Slough of Despond

     My post last week must have struck at the heart of quite a few people. I received quite a few comments here and on FaceBook that said as much. Because of that and because I am writing from a perspective that is a little higher up than last week, I will add a few more thoughts about ascending from the pit of depression. Remember, I am no expert, except by experience, so please don't take my words as anything except "one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread"!

      First, a word again to those who want to help someone who is under the snake's belly. Please remember that it rarely (if ever) helps to "exhort" the depressed person. It helps to listen and hold his/her heart, of course, and sometimes careful coaching will help as well. But again, unless you have experienced moderate to severe depression, you have no idea what you are doing to someone who feels so helplessly captured when you exhort them! Trust me on this one. :-)

     Now for those who sometimes or often find themselves viewing life from the slough of despond, here's a few more things I have learned along the way to wholeness.

• I cannot emphasize enough how healing the experience of intimacy with God can be in this! Obviously we cultivate intimacy with Papa because it's how He intends us to live, but intimacy with Him, being able to hear Him even in the dark, has been a lifesaver for me more times than I can tell. Early on in my journey, I memorized Psalm 94:17-19 (NIV), and these verses have proven true over and over for me. "Unless the LORD had  given me help, I would have soon dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping!' Your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. " 
• Resisting the natural tendency to be self-focused and isolated is helpful in climbing out of the pit. I have discovered in terms of depression that selfishness seems to increase it, whereas God-focused surrender helps to relieve it. 
• There are often (always?) root causes that feed depression. Discovering these causes then allowing God to transform lies into truth, heal the trauma, bind up the broken heart, etc., are essential parts of long term healing from depression. Many of the people I have worked with who walked into freedom from the pit had undergone lots of trauma from truly horrible things! These horrible and tragic things left the person with gargantuan, unhealed wounds and with faulty paradigms about God and His love. But as Papa revealed and healed these things, depression began to lift until it was no more or at best only an occasional visitor. (Note that I also recognize that there are genetic factors and other factors involved in depression, so this is not intended to be the one answer to everything. I am only sharing things I have observed and/or experienced).
• Holding on to a victim mentality seems to imprison the person in depression. I highly recommend Jason and Kris Valloton's comments on this in their remarkable book, The Supernatural Power of Forgiveness, chapter 4. (The whole book is worth the read!).
• There may sometimes be a demonic component to depression, but it doesn't help to expel the intruder without also dealing with the underlying wounds and other factors. Expelling a dark spirit without dealing with underlying brokenness is like going to a doctor who treats only the symptom, not the disease itself. Demons are symptoms that also become causes because they feed on what they aggravate and magnify. Removing them and what they feed on is necessary for complete healing. On the other hand, dealing with things only on a psychological level when "critters" are present may also result in incomplete healing. 
• Turning one's heart towards God, as I mentioned last week, cannot be understated in terms of how helpful it is. It is very counter-intuitive for a depressed person to do this at first, but it becomes second nature as intimacy with God is reinforced during the good times and Scripture is made a part of one's life. So I close with the following example of this turning to God from Dr. Brian Simmons' Passion Translation rendering of Psalm 143:3-9, an amazing prayer!

     "My enemies have chased me and caught me, And crushed my life into dust. Now I'm living in the darkness of death's shadow.

     "My inner being is in depression, And my heart is heave, dazed with despair!

     "I remember the glorious miracles of days gone by, And I often think of all the wonders of old.

     "Now I'm reaching out to You, thirsting for You like the dry, cracked ground thirsts for rain. 

     "Lord, come quickly and answer me, For my depression deepens and I'm about to give up. Don't leave me now or I'll die!

     "Let the dawning day bring the revelation of Your tender, unfailing love.

     "Give me light for my path and teach me, for I trust in You!

     "Save me from all my enemies, for I hide myself in You."

Hiding in Him,

Tom, one of Abba's "being healed" children

The View From Beneath The Snake's Belly

     Many of you have probably heard "lower than a snake's belly" used as a description for feeling down or depressed. As one who is personally and intimately acquainted with depression, I want to share very transparently today about the view from beneath the snake's belly. I write for three main reasons: First, I want to give hope to those who live from time to time under the snake's belly. Second, I want to help folks who rarely experience depression to understand how to help those who do, instead of making things worse! Third, I am, quite frankly, writing for therapeutic reasons as well, since I am as I write under the snake's belly myself! (I will explain this a little later).
     I write from the perspective of one who has considerable experience with depression. I struggled with bi-polar disease until I was miraculously healed of it in 2004. I remember tracking my "up" and "down" periods in my journal for years and years. The highs were great, but the lows were terrible, and I am thankful that my occasional really dark, death-considering thoughts were overcome by Father's love. Please note that I never had to resort to medication during these many years, but I did experience severe and cyclical depression, so I cannot even begin to describe to you what it was like to realize early in 2004 that the depression had simply disappeared (as had been prophesied to me by a pastor friend and my son, Josh!).
     Because of my long experience with depression, I recognized its occasional return during the painful battle for Jettie's life and especially during the season of mourning that has followed her death. No, I haven't returned to the previous emotional roller coaster ride, but I have been dragged unwillingly into the pit at certain times of the year. I am in one of those seasons right now because my inner clock remembers that two years ago I was staying almost 24/7 in the hospice center waiting for the unthinkable. So I am depressed! What a great time to write about it, eh?
     Now for a few pointers for those who haven't experienced depression. 

• First, if you haven't experienced severe depression please don't give advice about being depressed to those who are depressed! Those who have never experienced real depression are often puzzled as to why the depressed person doesn't just "get over it." But depression isn't something you just "get over." Depression holds a person in its grip against their will and by its very nature drains away the desire to make the changes necessary to get free from it. It blinds its victim to anything except the darkness and deceives him/her into believing that "now is forever." It has many causes, yes, and can be addressed and healed, but quoting "upbeat Bible verses" or saying trite sayings or asking pointed questions only makes things worse. So what can you do? Read on...
• Second, the greatest gift you can give a depressed person, in my opinion, is simply to listen while resisting the urge to fix them or the things they are depressed about. Just hold onto them, embracing their heart with yours while living in Father's love and peace as you do. Don't panic--your being afraid won't help! Just be the listening ear and heart and watch what God does. If He does indeed have something more than this for you to do, you can be sure He will make it clear to you. He loves and pursues all of His kids down into the very depths of the pit of despair (I speak from experience, as you might guess).
• Third, if you see someone struggling a lot with depression, gently guide them to someone who really can help them. God's healing extends to depressed people too! I am not only personally aware of this, I have also watched Him heal many whom I love (although some are still in process). But severe depression is not to be taken lightly, so whether you are the helping friend or you are the one who needs help, please make choices towards healing.

     Now for those of us who are the "depressees," here are a few thoughts. 

• You are not alone! Many biblical characters and many great Christian leaders struggled with depression at least part of the time in their lives. In the Bible, Elijah comes into view, along with David (read the psalms!) and even Paul (read between the lines of some of his letters!). And church history reveals that Martin Luther and Spurgeon and many others also wrestled with depression. (Randy Alcorn has written a great three part series on Spurgeon and depression which you can access here!)
•  Don't assume that depression is always an entirely bad thing. It’s more likely that it’s a normal thing, more so for some than others, and at times it can even be a good thing. God often reveals Himself in remarkable ways when we are in the slough of despond. I know personally that He has revealed Himself to me in those times in ways I doubt I could see any other way. He also reveals a lot about us in those times (Elijah's encounter on Mount Sinai comes to mind--see 1 Kings 19). I have discovered that God always meets me there in the pit, and even pursues me to the very bottom if necessary. 

    In the midst of depression, one often loses the motivation to address anything. Nevertheless, here are a few strategies that have helped me when I have found myself in the shadows. Maybe one or more of them will help you.

• Don’t get depressed about being depressed! It helps me, at least, to remember that it is not sinful or faithless or defective to be depressed. It also helps to remember that "this too shall pass," even though it certainly doesn't feel like it at the time!
• If you are subject to cycles of depression then, until God fully heals you, consider preparing in advance for the down times. During my long battle with being bi-polar I would use my "high times" to prepare for the down times by memorizing helpful Scriptures, saving grunt work for the down times (it helps to feel like you are doing something useful!), deepening my intimacy with God, scheduling wisely so that I didn't face high stress things during the cycle, etc. I think you get the picture. I learned somewhere along the way that although I couldn't supply the motivation to do the right things during the depression, I could find motivation during the more normal times and prepare in advance, at least in some ways.
• Resist the tendency to isolate. Give friends who love you and understand depression the opportunity to hold your heart and pray for you, to pursue you as you go sliding into the pit. Yes, it takes a huge act of the will to do this, but my experience is that once the decision to reach out is made, the rest of it is a little easier.
• Find the things that lift you and have them in readiness (worship music, exercise and/or hard physical work, fishing, quoting Scripture all help me).
• During the down times don't expose yourself to things that add to your depression. For example, I stay away from the news media as a general rule, but I especially avoid it when I am down (particularly right now!). Yes, sometimes becoming aware of some "depressing things" can't be avoided, but it helps to avoid the avoidable.
• Let God hold onto you (notice how I phrased this). As He did with Elijah, God will pursue you down into the depths of your despair. Yes, as was also the case for Elijah, He may not show up or address things like you expect, but He will be there. I remember Papa telling me once to look for His table in the midst of my enemies (Psalm 23:5). When I asked Him how I would find it, He said, "Follow the fragrance of my Presence." I knew that what He meant was that I was familiar enough with His Presence to lean into Him at least in some small way. And as I did so, I found the table of His comfort and could linger there even if the depression also lingered. If I am going to be depressed (which is not as common these days as pre-2004), I will at least be depressed in God's presence!

     Wow. This is a long one, eh? I have been wanting to write about this for a long time, and I guess I saved up a wee bit too much! But perhaps there is a little something for someone here in this flood of words. I could write more, methinks, because of all that God has taught me, but that needs to be later!

Tom, one of Abba's deeply loved children

Beauty from Ashes--Slowly!

     I had planned to write today on depression, "The View from Under the Snake's Belly," but I am not done with my thoughts on that, so maybe next week!

     So today I write a few thoughts on how God brings beauty from ashes. I have written some thoughts about this before, of course, but I want to add a couple of new and important points. I will start by pasting something I wrote in my journal in August 2011, less than one year after my "great sorrow day" and several months before Charlie and I were married. It describes a vision (mental impression) I had while sitting with Papa in the Secret Place.

    Vision: I was standing in the midst of a quite large burned out area of forest. In the distance I could see mountains and knew that around me was lots of unburned, healthy forest, but where I was standing was ravaged by fire and the burnt ashes were on me to some extent. I heard you tell me that this is my life: the burnt area representing this hard season I am passing through. I saw from the vision that it’s not a huge part of my life, but I am still in the midst of it and the ashes are still clinging to me and the landscape still looks bleak at times. Yet as I continued to watch, I saw green plants begin to spring up through the mantle of ashes that were all around me. I knew that you were telling me through this that even the scarred places will become beautiful again, like any forest after a fire, and that things will grow there that could not otherwise. And as I kept watching, I cleared the boundary of the burnt area (it wasn’t that much further as far as I can tell), and in the distance, getting closer, I saw Charlie dancing and dancing! She was so beautiful and joyful, Papa. And I see you, Jesus, standing even as I write this, and I hear your invitation to dance, and it means more than I can express (because Charlie is in it, too!).
      There are two things that I realize as I look at this beautiful picture God gave me during that season. First, I realize that in spite of my preconceptions otherwise, "beauty from ashes" takes time, a considerable amount of it! Just as a burnt over forest recovers slowly and in stages, so it is with God's promise to bring beauty out of our ashes. Second, and perhaps even more important: this process allows the burnt places of our lives to produce types of beauty that wouldn't otherwise be seen. You probably know that when a forest progressively recovers, it doesn't immediately produce the kind of plants and trees that were there when the fire hit. On the contrary, God has so planned for the tragedy of "ashes" in the life of a forest that He prepared special plants and processes that are produced best only through a fire. That has always amazed me, even in the realm of nature, but it becomes even more remarkable when applied to the burnt out areas of our lives. There are things that cannot be otherwise seen, beauty that cannot otherwise be experience, fruit that cannot otherwise be produced apart from a "forest fire." 
     This does not mean, of course, that pain, disease and death were or are part of God's plan for His creation. But it does mean that in His love and knowledge of all things, He has prepared ways to be certain facets of beauty from that which He never intended but came through Adam's rebellion. Amazing!
     But there's an important difference between us and forests! A forest is a passive participant in the process of restoration, whereas we can choose to cooperate or reject God's process for restoration. I have found that running to God, opening myself to His rain and reign, entrusting myself to His people helps His healing process immensely. And I am also helped by the perspective I am describing today. It helps not to expect beauty to pop up instantly from the ashes! It helps, too, to realize that God's definition of beauty may include many new and different things. And it helps to believe and hold fast to the wonderful truth that God is so powerful and kind that He will ultimately turn our ashes into something more beautiful than what we could have seen had the fire never come.
     I am still journeying with a few ashes clinging to me, but living as I do in this new beauty I commend to you today's thoughts. May they encourage you in your own journey from ashes to beauty, from burnt out to built up.

Marveling at His Creative Goodness,

Tom, one of Abba's ash-dusted children