Simple Church Reflections

We Want More!

2012-01-21T15:00:00.002-07:00

I was "born again" ("born from above" is closer to what the term means) when I was a Bible college freshman (better late than never!). From that day to this, Papa has placed in me a longing for genuine encounters with Him and especially for His people to be truly awakened! I became an early and devoted student of spiritual awakenings, and my reading the stories of what God has done and is doing even now has only served to increase my hunger.
Perhaps this is the reason why I am most at home with those who share this passion, regardless of their church tribe or format. I love being around people who are so hungry for God that their continuing cry to God is "We want more of you! More of your presence, more of your power, more!"
Some, I suppose, would question the legitimacy of asking God for more of Himself, since in some ways we already have Him living inside of us and we live in Him, but there is clear biblical precedent for asking God to saturate us with His Spirit. Paul's passionate hunger to know Christ (in resurrection power and in His sufferings) comes to mind. There is no doubt that Paul's words here are speaking of ongoing encounters with Jesus. And then there's his admonition to the Ephesians not to get drunk on wine but to "be being filled with the Spirit." That sounds like "We want more!" to me, especially since the context implies an experience similar to the Day of Pentecost. And since Paul was definitely one whom we would describe as already full of the Spirit, his instruction has special weight. This is the man who prayed in tongues more than all of the Corinthians! This is the man who was caught up into the third heaven. This man, writing late in his life, encourages his readers to be seeking to "be being saturated" with God's Spirit.
Church history also gives encouragement to seeking ongoing and increasing encounters with God. Every great spiritual awakening was preceded by intense hunger for God as well as a spirit of repentance. And the descriptions of what transpired when God answered the desperate cries for more of Him are remarkable (and scary for those for whom God is an idea rather than a Person whom you regularly encounter!).
So I cry out with many of kindred spirit, "Lord Jesus! Saturate me, inundate me, overwhelm me with your Spirit!" I am not seeking a mere experience, but I am expecting encounters that leave no doubt that God has touched me at levels beyond my comprehension.
An infinite God always has more of Himself to give to us, dear ones. And biblical encounters with God are always attended by experiential evidence (often overwhelming) that He has revealed Himself in a special way.
“But some who want moredon’t give it away very well. They don’t deserve more, do they?” Yes, it's true that some people seem to be "experience junkies," and it's rather annoying to some folks that God keeps on touching them! But no onedeserves grace! God gives us Himself to us, He overwhelms us with His embrace and pours His Spirit out upon us, not because we deserve it but because it’sHis nature, and because He loves us with an unconditional love. Unconditional love willalways give more—no strings attached. And it's my opinion that anyone who getsreally "saturated" will eventually overflow. Some people stop short of saturation because theyfeel unworthy or because they stop listening and get stuck somewhere short of maturity. But thescandalous “wastefulness of grace” will keep giving more until we get it.
And so we cry out for more! And I will do so until I see His Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, until what I have read about in history becomes our reality!
It is written about Smith Wigglesworth that he wept when he saw Niagara Falls and cried out, "Like that, Lord, like that!" I weep even as I think of his passion, and I marvel that I understand it! And we are so close, dear ones! Just last Sunday Father said to me that what we have experienced so far is just a thimbleful, and that what He has ahead for more than Niagara Falls, it is Iguaçu Falls! (Largest average annual flow of water in the world!).
So I will unashamedly align myself with the desperate but expectant ones who say, "We want more!"

Tom, one of Abba's thirsty little boys

Please Don't MOGWOG Me!

2012-01-14T12:47:00.002-07:00

"What then is Apollos? And what is Paul? They are servants through whom you believed, and each has the role the Lord has given. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." (1 Corinthians 3:5-7 HCSB).
For reasons not entirely clear to me, Christians universally seem to have a tendency to MOGWOG those who serve them (Man Of God, Woman Of God). That is, they place them on a pedestal and give them undue honor (there is, of course, a place for honoring folks, but not in the way that places them in a superior position in one's mind, hence my use of "undue." See Danny Silk's Culture of Honor for more.).
There are so many dangers in this tendency to MOGWOG people that I don't know where to begin, so let me simply list a few and trust the Holy Spirit to bring you whatever insight you personally need from these thoughts. Here we go.

MOGWOGing people leads to our dividing from others who choose to MOGWOG someone else. This is Paul's major concern in the first part of the 1 Corinthian letter. Whenever we exalt a person we inevitably set ourselves up to not esteem others, and in typical human fashion we end up "choosing sides" based on whom we MOGWOG. See Paul's horror at this in 1 Corinthians 1:10-17, and the first part of his answer to it in verses 18-31 of the same chapter (he reminds the Corinthians of God's supremacy, of the frailty of all humans, of the remarkable "equalizing effect" of the Gospel, etc.)
MOGWOGing people also causes us to miss what someone else may have to contribute to our life. We see this a lot, don't we? It's seen in the long prayer line in front of the "mighty Man of God/Woman of God." It's seen in people choosing to read only from a few select sources, etc. How sad to miss a treasure simply because it came through someone not recognized as a MOGWOG! And how contrary to how Jesus wants His Body to function when it's the Holy Spirit who distributes through whomever He wishes for the common good (including many whom others may not "exalt" as a MOG or WOG). I could write pages on this, but for now, take a look at 1 Corinthians 12 and see if you get what I am hinting at.
MOGWOGing people can lead to personal discouragement in our own spiritual life. When I designate someone as a "mighty Man/Woman of God" I either imply that they are exceptional in some way and have by their own efforts achieved some sort of elite status that most people cannot attain, or I imply that God has someone shown them special favor not available to others. I don't know about you, but for me this is discouraging! I look at the few abilities and life experiences I have and think, "Well, I guess I can never really amount to much, since I am not like MOGWOG over there."
MOGWOGing people can also lead to our depending upon the MOGWOG instead of Papa God. This is a big one, I think, and one that keeps folks stunted in their spiritual growth (perhaps that's what Paul was getting at in the verses above, eh?). If we think a MOGWOG has a special inroad into God's favor or a special elite ability to hear God better than most it's almost inevitable that we would take the spiritual and emotional shortcut of looking to the MOGWOG for that which Holy Spirit wants to supply to us through challenge, time and discipline.
MOGWOGing people is not good for the person we are MOGWOGing! Not that this is a big issue for an obscure person like me, but please don't MOGWOG me! I struggle enough with the tendency to pride (born out of insecurities waiting to be healed and an insufficient view of Papa's love). I don't need your "help" through your thinking I am special. Yes, encourage me, love me, forgive me, rejoice with me at what Papa's grace does in and through me, but don't MOGWOG me or anyone else you love. I really do want to be just Abba's little boy, and it's struggle enough to stay there without fighting of the misguided accolades of those who need to MOGWOG someone. (But you are forgiven in the unlikely event that you have done so! :-).

Okay, so this is sort of tongue in cheek today! But please catch my heart and what I trust Papa wants to say to you through these simple thoughts. Maybe I will write more later, but for now, may there be many brothers and sisters in Jesus in your life, and yes, even a few mothers and fathers, but no MOGWOGs!

Slipping off the pedestal....

Tom, One of Abba's little boys

Living Loved????

2012-01-07T10:29:00.002-07:00

I have, I think, written before about the sum of our life in Jesus being to live loved, listening and saturated (by Holy Spirit), but that phrase has come back to me again and again in recent days because of my (our?) subtle tendency to return to performance-based living.
I continue to be amazed at how easy it is, even 7 1/2 years into this journey, to occasionally revert to behavior that is based upon a paradigm of needing to earn/deserve what God wants to freely give. Last week I wrote about how God wins us and woos us into trusting Him, and I continue to see Him do that, of course, even as I still sometimes suffer amnesia as it relates to His unconditional love for us.
God's unconditional love for us means that it's never a question of deserving or earning by doing in order to receive from Him. I can always receive from Him the very best by simply asking, resting and trusting. Yes, real love sometimes says "No" or "Not yet" to what we ask, because love will supply us what we really need, not what we want or think we need! But the question of deserving is once for all settled by the infinite extent and unconditional nature of God's love for you/me. Clearly, then, the more we can learn to live fully aware of God's love for us, the more likely we are to live lives that are maturing, peaceful, wholehearted and a genuine blessing to others.
But we do forget! And I wonder if sometimes the reason you and I "forget" how to live loved is that our church culture (every form of it) has in it a subtle tendency to shift our focus away from Papa's love (and His sovereign working out of that love in human history) and back onto us. It seems that I often hear subtle distortions that say something like this, "Yes, you are loved unconditionally and live only by grace, but if you really want to position yourself to be blessed by God you need to do _____." For some reason those of us who live under the New Covenant (by grace, always by grace, because of love, always because of love to which we respond and which we receive but cannot strive for), seem to think we still live under the Old Covenant ("If you do ____, then I will do ___.") This Old Covenant thinking is apparently fed by the common failure to read the Old Testament through the filter of the New Testament. And the problem with it is that an emphasis on "I must/should..." inevitably leads into self-focused and self-conscious behavior and us away from simple childlike trust that alone leads to wholeness and maturity.
Another subtle thing that seems to feed this tendency to forget God's love is that Christians sometimes seem to imply that God somehow needs us to do things. "If we don't pray then He won't work." "If we don't, He won't" Even if we don't say these things this blatantly, such thinking seems to color our view of things, doesn't it? But not only is such thinking totally at odds with how God really works (Ephesians 1:11 says, "God works everything out according to His predetermined purpose." (italics mine), it also shifts the focus back to our responsibility and then back on to performance. But God doesn't need you or me to do anything to accomplish His perfect will. Yes, He does invite us to join Him in what He is doing. But we are joining Him because He wants us to share in His joy as He works, not because He needs us to accomplish what He is doing! I pray you can see the difference that this little tweak in thinking will make in how we view our walk with Him. It releases us to enter into His joy by following Him while also freeing us from the self-focus that inevitably comes from a warped sense of responsibility. The joy of doing God's will is that it is God's will and will accomplish all that He intends. When we understand that we are simply joining Him in His inevitable and unshakeable purposes, we are free from self-focus, measuring the wrong thing, jumping to conclusions, etc. No wonder, then, that Jesus was because of His awareness of Abba's love, constantly watching for what His Father was doing! (John 5:19)
"But wait," you say! "What about the principle of sowing and reaping?" "What about "as each part does its work" in Ephesians 4:16? "Don't these suggest that there is doing involved?" Yes, but when we live loved, the motive for doing is different: I am doing, sowing--whatever--from a place of deep awareness of Father's love for me and others, not from a fearful place of false responsibility and striving. This approach keeps me focused in utter fascination on a loving Father's face, the former one causes me to always be checking progress and performance. I highly recommend the first one!
Perhaps this tendency to forget God's unconditional love is why Paul prayed that very familiar prayer for the Ephesians, "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge –that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (3:17b-19 NIV). Paul knew, as experience teaches us, that we need constant infusions of Papa's love, poured out by His Spirit, imprinted on our lives in a million ways, to keep us on the journey towards wholeness and destiny.
And how encouraging it is to know that God is still answering that prayer! God's love for you and me is not passive. Rather He is pursuing us with His love, chasing us down with goodness and mercy (the real meaning of Psalm 23:6). And His unrelenting persistence in loving us in this way, will, I pray, eventually win our hearts!
"Papa, love us away from self-focused performance into the joyful dance of childlike trust, I pray!"

Tom, one of Abba's dearly loved children

Won To Trust

2011-12-31T14:40:00.002-07:00

I finished reading The Cure (by John Lynch, Brice McNicol and Bill Thrall) this week, and it was as good as I expected it to be. It's treatment of various subjects like forgiveness, how we must receive love in order to give love (and the definition of love), the importance of a safe and accepting community, how healing leads to maturity which leads to destiny, the difference between trusting God versus pleasing God as motivation for believers, etc., is among the best I have ever seen.
Reading it was a good way to end the year, I think, since I often reflect on things at this time of the year. (Maybe you do, too). Last year I was too devastated, I suppose, to do any truly useful reflection, but God has done a lot of healing in me, so that I trust my "reflector" is working a little better now.
So as I reflected on things today, the phrase "Won to Trust" came to mind. Against the backdrop of my own life experience (which I write about only if it benefits others, I hope), I realized how aggressively Papa has pursued me through every means possible encouraging and inviting me to trust Him more deeply than ever before. I realized how much the enemy has stolen from us in his battle against our knowing God in His goodness. In my own life the scars of grief and loss, the rebirth of fears long buried, the strain of unanticipated transition all combined to create a "trust vacuum" in my heart. I don't think I will ever grasp how large this trust gap was, but I do know that as Papa has addressed it He has done so not by chiding me to "suck it up and just believe Him." Instead, in a million different ways He has shown kindness to me. He has, as He tells us to do, overcome evil with good. At every point where fear and mistrust have entered in, He has wooed me back to trust (and continues to do so, of course) by negating the lies of our adversary by revealing His goodness over and over and over.
I wrote about this today in my journal and I will put a little of it here: "Father, your words to me onJuly 30 are a perfect description of what has been thecourse of my life this entire year! You have been and continue to 'smother mewith grace and shower me with kindness.' And how intriguing, yet right in linewith this entire Secret Place journey, that you say to me that it’s in your doing so thatI will for sure learn to trust you. I see this, Papa, I think. I see that yourstrategy against the enemy’s attack on my life is to counterattack withblessing upon blessing upon blessing—to reveal your goodness so persistentlyand unmistakably that I cannot but help be healed and deepened in my trustingrelationship with you!"
I trust that you can see as I did this morning how counter this thinking is to much of how Christians think and act. Instead of our striving to do better, trust harder, and overcome the enemy by doing the right things, having the right attitude, God instead destroys the enemy's work in our lives by overwhelming us with kindness. In other words, just as a man would seek to win the trust of the woman he loves, so God seeks (in infinitely better ways) to win our trust.
"But wait," you say, "I have seen many instances where there seemed to be little evidence of God's goodness and much evidence of evil instead." And I would answer, "I have felt that way as well and have experienced evil, up close and personal, as readers of this blog know." But hindsight on my painful journey has given me a new perspective, one that has redefined God's kindness in such a way as to open my eyes to His goodness in a way that overpowers the darkness. I have seen how patient Father has been with me, how generous, how persistent in His holding onto me even when I couldn't begin to hold onto Him. I have seen how instead of correcting me in my weakness, He kept wooing me with His gifts and kindness. I kept waiting for Him to tell me that it was time to strive again, but those words never came. Yes, He has challenged me to make good choices when I finally had the capacity to do so, but even when I occasionally failed to do so I found Him chasing me with love, ready to embrace me in my failure just as warmly as in my successes. Like Brother Lawrence, to my surprise I found my King gracious beyond belief or description. I first put this quote from his second letter in my blog from March 26, 2008, but it bears repeating: "I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King; touched with a sensible regret I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands, that He may do what He pleases with me. This King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence."
Can this really be true? I think so. And I see, too, that my view of everything is changing because of this. I tweeted this just a couple of days ago: "I see, now, Papa, that your kindness doesn't mean the absence of pain but rather the presence of your love and grace in the midst of it." It's hard for me to explain how this one little insight opened my eyes to things I couldn't see, but it has done that very thing. So more than ever I see that God is wooing and wowing me into trusting Him ever more deeply, overcoming the enemy's evil with overwhelming displays of His goodness! Who could not trust One like Him?!!
Ah...but we have to have eyes to see, Papa. Give all of us eyes to see (Ephesian 1:17-21 comes to mind)!!!

Being won to trust,

Tom, one of Abba's children

By This Shall All Men Know, part 2

2011-12-24T10:39:00.001-07:00

It's Christmas Eve, and even I don't like working on Christmas Eve! But I did want to keep my promise from last week's blog about sharing a few things Papa has brought into my life that have helped me learn to communicate in a way that leads to healthy relationships (i.e., in a way that loves others as He loves me). By the way, I did rewrite part of last week's entry to make it clearer. Sometimes I forget to edit my posts after I write them!
Perhaps the most important ongoing thing that God has done in my life that helps me listen well and send messages in a more "other-centered" manner is to bring me even closer to Himself in experienced intimacy with Him. I hinted at this last week when I wrote about living in awareness of His presence. This intimacy has come into my life primarily through two things: God's leading me away from performance-based living to grace-based living, and taking time as often as needed to "seek His face" until the Holy Spirit saturates me to the point of experienced awareness of His Presence.
The first part of this, living grace-based, is something most of us need ongoing refreshing in, especially when things rock our worlds (as mine has been). My most recent refresher for the grace life has come through reading The Cure, a wonderful rewrite of TrueFaced, by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol and John Lynch (Kindle version). If you still tend to live a performance, behavior-oriented Christian life, I highly recommend that you read this book (I recommend it highly, anyway, but especially if you don't really get God's love for you.). Another good book for this is He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen, and the list could go on. And yes, I know that reading books won't change you--you need the Holy Spirit's work in you in a life-on- life community for that. But I can't write about that today.
The second part of this, seeking God's face until awareness of His Presence and His peace comes, I have written about many times before. I will take time over the next few weeks to see if I need to collect, condense and elaborate on this some more. All I know is that my experiential encounter with God 7.5 years ago, whereby He led me deeper and deeper into inner stillness and peace, is the key to everything else He has done in my life, and I find that this is true for most folks both historically and currently.
There are other things, too, though, that God has done in my life that have helped me learn to communicate differently. I won't take time to elaborate on these today, but I will list them. If I get any response to this blog requesting further elaboration I will write more about them. :-) Some of these things are...

Get healed up! Deal with your stuff! Most of us are powerfully wounded and need some inner healing, etc., to break patterns, change paradigms, etc. I think this is self-evident, but just in case...
Ask Holy Spirit to help you become more “self aware.” Ask Him to help you with the following.

Ask Him to help you sense when anxiety rising or your peace is leaving you. When that's the case, it's best to stop and allow Him to show you what's really happening in you. Then you can re-surrender to Him and invite Him to flood you again with His love. Obviously, it's not a good time to talk about hard and touchy subjects, but as God alerts you to what's happening inside of you, you can ask the hearer to give you time to process, etc., and then take time to return to the place of peace. (And yes, I know some of you reading this don't have much peace, ever, but I am hoping to intrigue you into exploring a new way to live!).

Ask Him, too, to help you become more aware of your body language when you are talking! Most of you know that a very large percentage of our sending messages is not directly related to the words we use. Most of our communication to another is rather by means of vocal inflection, facial expressions, body position, gestures--you get the picture. So if Holy Spirit doesn't help us become aware of these other sending channels, we may be saying one thing with our mouths while denying it with the rest of our "communication devices."

Listen far more than you talk but when you do talk, listen while you talk.
Communicate about communication! In your key relationships, talk about communication! It's amazing how that will help.
Get help from a loving community, a wise and trusted friend, a counselor/coach, etc. I could write more about this, but maybe later. Again, The Cure, Bo's Cafe, et al. can help you grasp how this works.

Okay, enough said for today. I think I am rambling anyway, probably trying to stuff too much into too short a space! And who reads blogs on Christmas Eve anyway!! But I offer this in love to any who happen by.

Joyful, Wonder-filled Christmas to you,

Tom, one of Abba's kids

By This Shall All People Know...

2011-12-16T14:30:00.001-07:00

The Christmas season sometimes gets me to thinking about how Christians are quick to go after the lesser things while missing the larger ones. It's especially puzzling to me how quick we are to fight to keep Christ in Christmas while being less likely to fiercely contend for the thing that will most change our culture: the healthy relationships that Jesus can create among His people who lived loved and listening.
Jesus gave only one commandment that He called a "New Commandment," so I assume that it's probably one of the most important ones, especially because He said that our living this one out would most mark us as His people. But I need to paraphrase it, I think, to deChristianize it. "I give you a new commandment. Be in healthy relationships with one another. Just as I have related in a perfectly healthy way to each and all of you, so you must relate to one another. By this will everyone know that you are my followers, by the healthy relationships you have with one another." (John 13:34-35, Tom's paraphrase). But wait, Tom! You downgraded "loving one another" by stating it this way. Well, not really. The problem is that when we say "love one another" we do strange, "Christian" things with Jesus' meaning and miss His point that loving one another leads to noticeably healthy relationships. It's far too easy to spiritualize the word "love," even though it's clearly defined by Jesus' life, by God's actions, by Paul's writings, etc. So bear with me, please, and consider what Jesus was aiming for: a healthy unity among all of His people, modeled first and most effectively in families (Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church!). No wonder the enemy has worked so hard to hide the truth that healthy relationships are not only possible but essential if the world is to see Jesus in us!
So today I want to write about just one aspect of living in healthy relationships: healthy communication. These are just a few thoughts today, of course. Books have been written on this subject. But these come from a lifetime of experience and interaction with God's word and I trust are distilled down a bit to make it easier for you pack them away so Holy Spirit can shape you with them.
But first, as that sentence implies, these are not principles to be applied in your own strength but tools for you to offer to the Holy Spirit for Him to use to shape you and lead you into healthier communication with those closest to you. Once you know, for example, that listening for understanding is the most important key to healthy communication, you can invite Holy Spirit to prompt you when you need reminding of that! I think you get the picture. So let's look at a two keys to offer Holy Spirit as He teaches you how to become healthier in your relationships by being healthier in your communication skills.
First, the underlying foundation of good communication is to remember that the purpose of communication is to reach mutual understanding. Note that I didn't say agreement, but understanding. If we make agreement our target, we are moving away from nurturing the relationship towards controlling the other person. Agreement often comes, of course, when understanding is achieved, but it can't be the goal.
This underlying foundation is why the first and most important key to healthy communication is listening to the point of understanding. There is a reason, of course, why the Apostle James said, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." (James 1:19 NIV). Understanding is built on good listening more than artful speaking! There are, of course, many challenges to our putting this into practice, beginning with all of the "filters" we put words through when we hear them. But God's Spirit is wonderfully able and willing to help us become aware of our filters as well as helping us to hold our reactions in check if we ask Him! I could write volumes on this, I think, especially because I am a coach and coach trainer, but for now I will simply suggest that you try really listening on for a while. Start with those closest and invite them to share with you until you both know that you have reached mutual understanding. This one thing will revolutionize your relationships as God enables you to put it into practice more and more.
The second key to healthy communication does have to do with the "sending part" of communication. Mutual understanding obviously requires mutual listening and mutual sending. The important thing here, though, is to try to send in the way that's most likely to result in the other person really understanding what you say. This means that scriptures like Ephesians 4:15, 25 and 29 come into play. These are the only two I am going to address today because of time constraints. Verses 15 and 25 speak of being truthful in our communication in the context of love for the one receiving the message. Truthfulness is essential for trust to develop between people, of course. And transparency is also an essential part of intimate relationships when it is strategically exercised (i.e., not "letting it all hang out" all the time, but sharing what needs to be shared at the appropriate time in an appropriate manner for understanding to be attained). But it's verse 29 that is for me the gem of the sending part of communication: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV). Paul here reminds us that communication works best when our "sending" is other-oriented to the max. This doesn't mean that we don't share our hearts, dear ones, because others do need to know who you are. Others are built up by hearing your hurts, joys, etc. That's what relationships are all about. But if I am other-oriented in my communication then I will ask God to help me be sensitive to the other person in terms of timing, how I phrase things, what my body language is saying, etc. Most of us know that there are hundreds of ways to communicate a need to another, but usually there's only one that doesn't trigger a reaction rather than the response we were looking for! For example, I try never to use the word "Why" in sharing with people because it almost always puts them into defensive mode. Good coaches know that "Help me understand..." or "Could you help me understand" are better ways to ask a person about motives. Sigh...I could go on and on here, but this is a blog, not a book! For now I simply suggest that you meditate on Ephesians 4:29 and ask Holy Spirit what it would look like in your closest relationships.
Hmmm. This is already getting too long, so I think I will wait until next week to share some of the ways I have learned to cooperate with God in making these more and more a part of my life. (I will give you a hint--living aware of His Presence, living in His peace, paying any price to stay there, is a major part of it!)
I close with two more thoughts. First, no one I have ever met has gotten communication perfected, so another major part of healthy relationships is the constant exchange of forgiveness :-) More on that later, I guess. Second, one thing that really helped me in my listening to others was a wise man pointing out to me that it's a myth that people say what they really mean when they are angry. The truth is that people are least likely to say what they want to say when they are angry. Think about it and you will get it, I trust. So if you are wondering if those angry words are really what the other person thinks or feels, rest in the fact that the answer is almost certainly "No." What they really think and feel is most likely to be communicated when they are calm and in control. That was good news for me when I heard it, and I felt led to share it here, so I trust it will serve someone.
More later...for now, I invite you to "keep Christ in Christmas" by living in the kinds of relationships that make His Presence in your life unavoidably obvious!

Learning to listen...

Tom, one of His little children

Don't Be Afraid!

2011-12-10T09:24:00.001-07:00

I missed writing last week because Charlie's mother did in fact pass peacefully into the embrace of Jesus early Thursday morning, December 1. Thank you for the many of you who have been praying and encouraging Charlie and her family. We welcome your continuing prayers.
Today my thoughts run to a repeated theme of the Christmas season in Luke's Gospel. Three times we read there of an angel saying, "Don't be afraid." Christmas, then, seems to be to be a good time to consider what real courage looks like--over the years I have learned that it doesn't look like what I thought!
In a nutshell I have learned what I tweeted today: Courage isn't a feeling, it's a decision based upon deeply held convictions that runs over or through feelings of fear. This is seen even in the three admonitions in Luke's Gospel. The literal translation of this phrase is, "Stop fearing," not "don't feel afraid"! In other words, when the Bible tells us to "fear not" it's not telling us to change how we feel (afraid), but to choose to put our focus on something other than our fearful feelings: God's faithfulness, love for us, commitment to us, etc., and then choose to move past our fears to do that which is right and good.
I am fairly passionate about helping folks understand this, I guess, partly because we live in a such a feeling-based culture. If we aren't careful, the idea that feelings are how we should measure life and its quality can creep into our lives as believers. Indeed, I am quite sure that is the case for many of us. How often do we catch ourselves evaluating something based on how it made us feel? How often do we make decisions based on whether something makes us feel good or feel better or feel whatever? I am not asking this question to add shame or guilt to anyone's life, dear ones. Rather I am simply suggesting that we stop and ask God to help us practice true courage, asking Holy Spirit to help us evaluate what we are basing our decisions on, especially when we are feeling afraid (worried, anxious, etc.).
I am also not suggesting here that we deny our feelings, of course, but that we put them into their proper place in our lives. I am glad that I can feel God's touch, feel happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction and pleasure! Yup, I am am glad for all those feelings and many more. But if I base my choices in life on how I am feeling or how something will make me feel, I end up all over the map, and nowhere is this more evident than when I am feeling afraid!
I want to be courageous, do you? If so, then we will do well to understand that courage is an act of the will--a decision to do that which is good and right and loving, rooted in our conviction that God can be trusted. And God is not absent in the midst of our choice to be courageous, dear ones. If you look and listen you will realize that the message of the Christmas angels is still echoing in the halls of time: "Stop fearing." I think I can hear them even now, whispering encouragement to your heart as well as to mine: "Don't be afraid. Choose the courageous way!"
So I will press on, not waiting for the feelings of fear to go away or for feelings of courage to come, but in the power of God's Spirit, choosing that which is good, right, wise and best. Papa, help us to be truly courageous, strong in your strength, as we choose to trust you and not our fickle feelings!

Learning to trust,

Tom, One of Abba's children

Doorway into Eternity

2011-11-27T09:09:00.001-07:00

My writing this week has been slightly delayed because Charlie and I are keeping watch as her mother passes through the valley of the shadow of death into her eternal home. This morning as I write these words Frieda is slipping away from this life and slipping into the eternal embrace of her beloved Jesus. It is a holy, difficult yet God-infused time, and His manifest Presence is palpable throughout the house.
Those of you who read my blog know that I have had a lot of very personal experiences with death over the past couple of years. These experiences have increased my understanding of life and death and especially my understanding of the Marvelous One who calls those who know Jesus into their eternal destiny with Him. The more we know Him, really know Him, the more marvelous, holy, awesome He becomes! I hope to write more about this some day, but today, I want to share wonderfully encouraging thoughts about believers who die from one of my favorite fiction authors, Robert Whitlow. The following thoughts are from his book, The Sacrifice, and are words that the pastor in the story (Ben) is sharing with his congregation on a Sunday morning. I smiled as I read these words at this particular time--perhaps they will encourage you as much as they have us. Listen in with me:

"One of the greatest lessons my mother taught me came at the time of her death. Now, there is no doubt that death is an enemy. Paul writes that 'the last enemy to be destroyed is death.' However, there is something even more remarkable about death found in the words of Jesus in John 8:51 'If anyone keeps my word, he will never see death.'
"This verse troubled me for a long time. I mean, a lot of Christians have died in the last two thousand years. Didn't they have to face death?" My mother's last day on earth helped me to understand this truth....
"She had a sense that her time was time to leave was was close at hand, and our family spent her last afternoon on this earth together in her hospital room. About four o'clock, she gave a long sigh, and stopped breathing. At that moment a lightness entered the room, and there was peace in the atmosphere and on her face. Immediately the Lord reminded me of the words of Jesus and spoke to my heart: 'She didn't see death. She passed directly from this life to the next.' We all stood around and said good-bye. As one of God's children, she walked seamlessly from this world to the next." (pages 346-347)

I have seen and experienced the peace that Robert Whitlow's character speaks of, up close and personal, many times in my many years of loving and serving people. I have seen the release and freedom that is written on the faces of those who know Him and have rejoiced through my tears at the "seamless" transition into that God grants to those who know Jesus. Yes, death is an enemy, and it was never meant to be part of the human existent, and it is never convenient or pleasant to watch as whether it slowly creeps in or crashes into a human life. But for those who know their God, it is but a doorway into the full, face-to-face embrace of The One Who Is Love. And I am undone as I once again watch one I love step through the transformed door that our adversary intended for evil but that God has turned into the ultimate good.

Watching, weeping, waiting, marveling...

Tom, one of Abba's children

Simple is Harder

2011-11-18T14:39:00.001-07:00

Some of my traditional church friends jokingly refer to TC as "complicated church" (in contrast with the simple church label for organic church). There is certainly a lot of truth in that description, as most TC leaders know. And my continuing experiences with all the various expressions of the church certainly confirm the complexity of brick and mortar church.

I am quite convinced that one of the tendencies of humanity is complexity, and the reason for that is that complicated is much easier than simple. I am not sure my ramblings today will make this very clear, but here are some of my musings about this.

First, complicated systems are easy to hide in. Human relationships, even healthy ones, are messy, and systems and processes and procedures are much easier to invest oneself in than the work it takes to have healthy relationships. So we find that we can hide in our offices or homes, working away on projects, safely protected from having to get hurt and messy by actually inviting people into our lives. Yes, it's easier by far, I think, simply to work the complicated system...just my opinion, of course.

Second, "complicated" is highly seductive in terms of making us think we are accomplishing something significant while distracting us from the things that really matter. When we have marked off all the checkboxes, when we have gotten all the ducks in a row, when we have fulfilled every detail of the procedure, it feels deceptively like we have accomplished something transformational and important. It's easier and faster, isn't it, to make sure all the i's are dotted and all the t's are crossed than it is to take the time required to listen to the point of understanding another person? It's easier to work the system than it is to allow Holy Spirit to work forgiveness deeply into one's heart? You get the point. Complicated is seductive, making us think that all of those many hours invested in the system have achieved great things in the Kingdom, when in fact they may have distracted us from investing in a person or people in heart-stretching, life-changing ways. (Note that I am not denying here that some things in life require detail, complexity, etc. I like flying in complicated airplanes, driving complicated cars, etc., but in the Kingdom of God I doubt that human complexity is of much use.)

On the other hand, simple is hard! I have already hinted at this in my comments above, but let's look again at how hard it is to really pour life into one another and draw life out of one another. It takes time, it takes patience, it requires us (horror of horrors) to trust God and one another in really scary ways! It's hard to open the door of our hearts enough to let someone into its deepest parts. It's hard to face our fears together and allow Holy Spirit to expose them and heal them in the context of a loving community. I could go on, but perhaps you get the point, eh?

And the sad irony of all of this is that most of those I know who are lost in complicated church systems really do long for real transformation and healthy relationships. Most of them strain against the constraints of the systems that are needed to sustain "church as we have known it." And so, in a way, complicated ends up being hard, too, because more and more effort and passion are poured into something because of real love for God and others but with results that are usually disappointingly meager. So after the system has been worked, the program has finished, the event pulled off, we find ourselves worn out with effort but wondering, "Where are the long term results????" Yes, complicated is hard, too, methinks.

So what to do about all of this? Some of the harsher voices in the organic church world say that anyone who wants to serve God should simply walk away from the buildings, programs, events, etc. And I think that some are indeed called to do just that (I personally never encourage a young person to start a complicated church). But not all are called to walk away from the system, I think, because we cannot abandon the many who are caught in the complexity of the system but whose hearts long for the "hard way of simplicity." And so we work, in the system but not of the system, seeking to bring simplicity and intimacy with God and one another however Holy Spirit leads. And we work to chip away at the lie that the frantic effort required to feed complexity is really the best way to see His Kingdom come. And we love and heal and invite into our lives all those Papa brings across our path, choosing the harder way of simplicity while we continue live in the complicated.

That's what I think, anyway. My ramblings today are just that--ramblings. But I welcome your thoughts and invite you to ask yourself whether you are choosing the easy way of complicated in your pursuit of God's Kingdom. :-)

Tom, one of Abba's (simple) little boys

God's Antidote to Fear

2011-11-12T14:14:00.001-07:00

I once heard Wayne Jacobsen say that whenever he finds anxiety present in his life, he stops and ask Father, "What aspect/part of your love for me don't I understand yet?" I love that! God's answer to our fears is not "have more faith" but rather, "Let me love you," or, "Step into my embrace, or perhaps, "I am with you." Only love drives out fear. You can't make it go away by trying to "have more faith." In fact, it's impossible to make yourself "have more faith" when you are afraid--that would make faith a work instead of trusting collapse in Papa's love. I have written earlier that faith is not the opposite of fear (or vice versa), but rather fear is the invitation to collapse into God's kindness and love (see Psalm 56:3 and 1 John 4:18). Faith is about surrendering and resting and leaning upon Papa than about "laying hold of" or "rising up," etc., in my opinion.
So...why is it so hard for us to get this, I wonder? Papa reminded me of His answer to that question this morning during my journaling time: We still don't really get His love for us! (hence Wayne's question). So instead of living loved, learning to trust Him more and more deeply, we end up still thinking in terms of behavior, allowing the stumbling and failing to cause us to shy away from Him. This means that when fear tries to attack us, we are hesitant to run to the One who drives out fear. The irony of this shying away from Him is that when we fail, God is in hot pursuit of us with His love. (Unconditional love pursues the loved one--it's active and alive, not passive). And about 1 1/2 years ago, Papa really nailed this for me as I was struggling fears related to Jettie's journey. Perhaps His words to me then will help you to draw near to Him now in the middle of your storms.
“Yes, child. Youstill tend to see me as a punishing God, so that your little sorties away fromme become points of self-focus for you as you think in behavioral terms. Child,when you turn from me, I am chasing you with my love, and the thought you needto bear in your heart is that of running from a loving Father who is less thanone step behind you. Stop thinking in terms of punishment and behavior, child,and let me love on you. And yes, I will help you in this! Fly, Eagle, fly intomy Love with my Wind under your wings and my wings sheltering you.”
There you have it. Not a very long post today nor particularly deep, but perhaps a good reminder for you and me when anxiety comes upon to ask Papa, "What part of your love for me don't I understand?"

"Unless the LORD had given me help, I would have soon dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping!' Your love, O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalm 94:17-19).

Learning to trust in His love.

Tom, one of Abba's little children

What Am I Doing Here????

2011-11-04T13:27:00.001-06:00

“Any human system will eventually dehumanize the very people it seeks to serveand those it dehumanizes the most are those who think they lead it. But not everyone in a system is given over to thepriorities of that system. Many walk inside it without being given over to it.They live in Father’s life and graciously help others as he gives themopportunity.” (So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore, p. 105) This quote came to my mind as I pondered again why I remain engaged in the traditional church while holding to simple/relational church values. It seems that Papa answers me the same way every time I ask Him, "What am I doing here?" in reference to ministry in a traditional church setting.
Last week I wrote about the tension I feel as I move in a TC world while holding simple church convictions, and more than one person was tweaked by my mentioning that tension. Doug even wrote a comment about it. So what am I doing here? Am I violating my conscience? Am I just a chameleon, an impostor, who changes to match whatever group I am with? What am I supposed to do when I see things that violate my own sense of what Jesus wants His church to be? These are the questions I wrestle with, and I know I am not alone in this. And so I share a few thoughts (mostly from one of my "daughters") and hope they resonate with you.
First, please note that I have wrestled with these questions for as long as I have been writing this blog (before that, actually, of course). If you want to see a good summary of this wrestling, search this blog for the word "traditional" to pull up several entries where I raise questions about TC while also noting my continual involvement in it. Please, dear ones, if you have time, do the search and read these entries if you want to understand this tension. If you do, one thing that will stand out to you all along, I trust, is my conviction that Jesus loves His people no matter what wineskin they are restricted by. :-) Some wineskins are more restrictive and less productive--that's a given, but my experience is that Jesus seems to change people not by going after the wineskin but by going after individual hearts. My experience also agrees with another statement from Wayne and Dave in So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore (pp. 104-105) "“They are not all frauds, Jake. Not all groups becomeas destructive as yours. Those who treat leaders as if they have some specialanointing are the most susceptible to being deceived by them. It seems peoplewho assume or who are given the most human authority forget how to say no totheir own appetites and desires. It is so easy for any of us to end up servingourselves when we think we’re serving others by keeping an institutionfunctioning. But not all of those who do it end up so broken. Many are realservants who only want to help others and they’ve been led to believe this isthe best way to do it. Always separate the failure of the system from thehearts of the people in it."
I, like Wayne and Dave, know that there are many in the TC who serve with pure and sincere hearts for good motives, and those I serve with now are such people. It's the heart of the leader, perhaps more than anything, that determines the health of those s/he serves.
But still I wrestle, and as I wrote last week, it's only by constant listening to Holy Spirit's voice that the tension remains constructive and formative. My dear friend Pam shared with me a great example of how this works that I received her permission to share with all of you, as she listened. I close with her beautiful and transparent reflection. I have put her words in a different font and edited them only slightly. (Thanks, Pam! You are blessing many with your transparent and tender walk with Papa!).
So, I was chatting with Papa about my current struggle, understanding people and their actions/lives and the whole traditional stuff that is in many of our lives that ekes out and defiles many...and I personally struggle with the question of what am I to do about what/who I encounter...how am I to respond..or not, and what am I to think about it all. The process can leave me dizzy and and wanting to be "snarky". The prophetic side of me can flare and like the sons of thunder I could enjoy a fire bolt zap on a person at times!

So as I'm asking Him if it makes him sad and what he does with all his sadness about it, he responds..."I'm just sad" (moment to contemplate..then) "Can you, Pam, just be sad"? The Ah ha light clicked on about "just being," this entered another level though, of my "doing/responsible" layer I know He's working on..lol..so then I say, "Ugh it feels so helpless though, to which He responds, "Ya, it's sad, huh?"

"It just is." I don't have any responsibility or need to "do" anything, is most of what I came away with in that...THEN He says;

"You know how you teach people not to use the 'shot-gun' approach to missions? (An approach a church sometimes takes when it knows it's 'supposed' to be doing mission work or sees the needs, but doesn't really have a direction or relationship with anyone or anyplace, so they scatter funds to different missionaries or organizations, they send a team to Mexico one year and Africa the next, then hear about some orphans in Russia and send gifts there, all the while losing steam/interest in the congregation for 'missions' and eventually drop the program for the most part as there was 'no fruit' or 'no real interest' or a lot of frustration)."

Anyhow...I of course, said yes. He then says, "So maybe you are taking a shotgun approach to life at times in this area...with people?"

(I see so many and so much sometimes and being prophetic I can often see beyond in some ways and feel that because I see then I should take some action too, in some way to address or redress it especially if I am directly involved with the person.) Then the light goes on...just as when we see the needs all over the world for outreach/mission that doesn't mean we are to throw "action or time" in all of those places. I may see the persecution in Pakistan and be moved in my heart for their plight, but I know I am called to the persecuted church in SE Asia, so I'm sad for those believers and I pray for them and then focus my hearing and participation with the Father where He has told me to be.

It's the same with people then and their actions/reactions/lives I see, even if they directly affect me...if I am not called to "THAT" place I can simply be sad for them, pray for them and release them.

I know it's one of those Duhh times when you look at it and want to say "I knew that"...but now I know it, at least to another level! Funny how that works, eh? We all see thru the glass dimly until He opens our eyes of understanding and lets us "see" in a little more, but we must also remember it is still just another level of "dimly".

Such good reflections, I think, and a wonderful example of how, as we "keep listening," Papa brings growth and returns us to peace. Thanks again, Pam!

Listening while living in the healthy tension that invites deepening trust...

Tom, one of Abba's children

Keep Listening!

2011-10-29T10:35:00.000-06:00

Not sure how long this entry will be, but I have been pondering of late how important it is to "keep listening" to Holy Spirit's nudges, all the time, without restricting what He might say with assumptions as to what He couldn't possibly say (other than the boundaries of Scripture, and even there we have to be careful that we aren't mistaking our understanding of Scripture for what it really says--think about it).

A number of things of late have re-awakened this common theme in my life and blogs (I know I often remind you to live loved, listening and surrendered!), but perhaps the most prominent one is how God has led me to stay connected to more traditional forms expressions of the church while also deepening my convictions about organic church life. Those two facts would create a lot of tension in me if I weren't able to hear God's voice!

Perhaps there are areas in your life where tension and apparent contradiction make you perplexed from time to time. I am fairly sure there are areas like this in all of our lives since, as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:12, we see everything now only dimly. "Keep listening" is what Papa would be saying to you as well, then, I think!

Why wouldn't God just make everything clear so we can plan out our lives accordingly? I think you know the answer to that, but in case you don't, here are a couple of my thoughts about this. First, God knows it best for us to live in ever increasing trust in Him. Life is never certain, dear ones, it only appears to be more uncertain at various times. Who are we to think that we can really anticipate what life will throw at us today or tomorrow? But Papa knows all things and is infinitely committed to what's best for us. And the way we "access" what is best is to live trusting Him, and that means listening each day for the words that continually proceed from His mouth to our hearts (Deuteronomy 8:3). To live trusting is to live listening. Second, God knows that even if He chose to show everything to us, we wouldn't understand it! Think of all the ways that God works at once in just one human life! Now add to that life all the other people's lives that intersect with that one life and then add all the other factors of life, including the unseen spiritual dimension which is far larger than the seen dimension. Do we really think we could grasp all of that even if Papa showed it to us? Nope! So living listening seems to be a much better approach to life and the only reasonable one. I could add more reasons, of course, but the bottom line is that God's answer to all of life is quite simple and all-encompassing: "I will be with you. So keep listening!"

And the really cool thing about all of this listening? It's a remarkably peaceful and joyful way to live! We don't have to figure things out. I find that the only time anxiety or discouragement really gets hold of me is when I forget that I don't have to lean on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6), and that I really can trust God to speak to me and guide me and change me and... Am I the only one that finds that fear increases to the extent that I think that I am alone in facing whatever? No wonder God's continuing promise is "I will be with you." And how amazing that He is communicating with us all along the way and that we can trust Him to get through to us as we choose to live in a listening mode.

So how do you listen? I have written about this before, and there are many good books on hearing God (Dallas Willard and Mark Virkler come readily to mind as good resources here). For me, though, the one key factor above all others is the inner stillness that Papa has helped me cultivate over the years. When the stillness is disrupted, it becomes an immediate invitation to stop and re-center my life (not by trying but by resting, collapsing and surrendering). I trust that you have found the same thing to be true.

Listening in the stillness.

Tom, one of Abba's little children

Harmful Clichés of the Christian Religion

2011-10-21T15:00:00.001-06:00

I have written before about how deadly the Christian religion is, being a terrible substitute for the vibrant and transforming walk with Jesus that the Bible describes (April 8, 2011). Today I felt I should tackle some of the sad, silly but harmful clichés that express religious rather than relational thinking. You may question why I bother doing so, but I hope to answer that question as I debunk some of these common sayings. The truth is, they not only belie the depth of our religious thinking but they perpetrate it every time we club someone or ourself with one of these clichés. So here's just a few of many.

"I am so unworthy!" Sigh...if you or any human being had no worth (the meaning of unworthy) then why did Jesus die for you? The worth and value of every single human being ever to live on this planet has been eternally established as "priceless" by the infinite price that Jesus has paid to reconcile us to Father. I took a swipe at this one earlier in the week via Twitter. What we are really trying to express is that we are undeserving, not without worth--that what God has done for us through Jesus is far beyond what we deserve. But it's our value and worth to God in His love for us that gives us worth. Why bother correcting this one? I hope the answer is obvious, but in case it isn't, seeing ourselves as "worthless" prevents us from being in a healthy relationship with God and with others. It also tends to make us grovel before God rather than coming boldly as beloved (and highly valued) sons and daughters.

"I just want God to use me. Use me, Lord!" Every believer has probably said this one, I think, and from a sincere desire to honor the One who redeems and heals us. But in any other context, one person "using" another is a negative and undesirable thing. How many times have we heard it rightly said, "We use things, we love people"? So why would it be any different for God? What God desires is to flow through us and partner with us to see His Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. We humans were not created to be God's servants, but God's children and friends. God created angels to be His servants. He created you to be in intimate relationship with Him. Yes, from that relationship we will gladly serve Him (Paul gladly described himself as a bond-slave), but we serve Him as free sons and daughters, not mere slaves. And we serve Him from intimacy not by being "used." I think you can see why this one is important to get right.

"If we don't, He won't." This one shows up in various forms but the basic idea is that God is somehow unable or unwilling to accomplish His purposes unless we pray, or witness, or whatever...(anyone else suffered through the evangelist painting the picture of people falling into the fiery pit because you didn't share your faith? The problem with this kind of thinking is threefold. First, it flies in the face of God's sovereignty. Ephesians 1:11b describes God as the "One who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will." This leaves no doubt that our failures or successes in doing His will are not going to hinder His purposes. Second, this kind of thinking motivates people to action via shame or guilt or duty, and Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 that anything not motivated by and through love brings nothing to us. Third, the whole idea of needing to be motivated by shame or obligation exposes a "slave" mentality rather than a son/daughter relationship with a loving Papa. If I find myself having to be motivated by external pressure, the solution is not more external pressure but to press in even more deeper into Papa's heart so that His love compels me by its overpowering, overwhelming goodness to care about what He cares about and therefore to obey Him with joy and passion. (Ideally! Yes, sometimes the obedience starts from a pure act of the will, but even that can flow from genuine love, not a fear that "if I don't, He can't!" I think you get the picture.

Okay, I think you get the picture here. Or I hope you do. It might be good to ask Holy Spirit to ring your bell when you say some of the things "Christians" commonly say and ask you, "Does Father really say that, mean that?" You might find yourself debunking your own set of clichés--or at least that's what I am hoping :-)

Learning to live loved...

Tom, one of Abba's little children

The Power of Healthy Transparency

2011-10-15T11:07:00.001-06:00

Anyone who reads this blog or my Facebook posts knows that I very much believe in and practice transparency. Big revelation, eh? :-)
Why am I so transparent? Because I believe that healthy transparency is an essential gift to others. My deep conviction is that as a leader I need to model reality and give hope to others. Being artificial gives a false view notonly of me, but of life in Jesus. If I appear to be better than I am then I portray something about the Christian walk that may be unattainable or at least unrealistic for most people. What a cruel thing to do! If I appear to have it all together, which is certainly not true, then I make others feel terribly defective. Another negative outcome of such artificiality is that others put me on a pedestal thinking that by some great power of achievement I have attained what they can never hope to attain. I cannot tell you how distasteful all of this is to me. Thankfully, I have many good examples in Scripture to encourage me in being transparent: David comes to mind (talk about transparent--some of his psalms are scorching examples of what he was feeling, thinking and doing at the time!). And Paul's letters are filled with remarkably transparent insights into his life and emotions. So...I will be transparent as a gift of encouragement to others and as a testimony of Papa's grace at work in my very ordinary life.
On the other hand, I once heard a very prominent pastor claiming to advocate transparency by stating that he believed in being transparent but only about things he had already gained victory over. I remember thinking at the time that something was very wrong with that statement. Now I know that what he was describing isn't even being transparent! To allow people only to see the victories God has granted us is not transparency. The truth is that we are always fighting something, I think, and sometimes allowing others to peer into the battle is the healthiest thing we can do, both for them and for us.
Perhaps you have noticed that I am writing here about "other-oriented" transparency. There is, of course, healing that comes to us through our being transparent. In fact, we cannot make real progress in our Jesus journey without being transparent with some trusted others. That's what the books, Truefaced and Bo's Cafe describe so well. (By the way, Truefaced has now been rewritten and will be released around Thanksgiving under the title, The Cure. I am looking forward to reading it). I love this amazing description of a healthy culture of transparency in Bo's Cafe (p. 74): "What if there was a safe enough place where you tell the worst about yourself and not be loved or respected less, but more? You know what happens...? Hidden junk we've been carrying around for years begins to melt away. People come alive. They start to discover who they really are. They start doing good stuff with their lives. They find their future. They stop needing to be right. They stop trying to fix their symptoms, and pushing everyone away.... They get loved."
But I haven't seen many folks write about the blessing to others that transparency brings, so I thought I would highlight it today. Healthy transparency becomes more about you than me as I mature. Healthy transparency is filled with hope, not just misery. As I mature my transparency becomes more and more infused with the promises of God and awareness of His faithfulness even as I also reveal my struggles to lay hold of them. Healthy transparency is as much about you as it is about me, and it is laced through with hope and God's fingerprints! Healthy transparency is strategic in that it matches the ability of others to handle and benefit from it rather than just blurting out anything to anyone. Healthy transparency is shared without the need for a positive reaction from everyone (those still hiding are not comfortable around transparent people, for obvious reasons). I could go on, but you get the picture, I think.
Note, however, that we don't get to the place of healthy transparency overnight. For most people "sharing their stuff" and being accepted instead of rejected because of it is such a new and wonderful experience that at first they just blurt it out. (Because I am so safe I often have people offload everything and then say in amazement, "I don't know why I told you all of this!" I just smile. :-)) But as they heal up some they realize that transparency is indeed as much about others as about them, and healthy sharing begins to become the norm for them. It's a beautiful thing to see that happen. Papa's fingerprints are wonderfully prominent!
What about you? Do you have a safe group of friends who love you more not less as you are vulnerable and transparent? I certainly hope so. And are you learning to see that your transparency, wisely exercised, is a gift to others? This is certainly my hope and prayer for you. Let it be, Papa, let it be so!

Transparently...

Tom, one of Abba's transparent children

A Time For Everything

2011-10-09T14:35:00.001-06:00

"The season of mourning is over." Those words from Papa God, whispered to me a few days ago were a bit of a surprise to me, but not entirely, and they were powerfully confirmed to me this morning during the message by our guest speaker who encouraged us to "let go of the old and step into the new" and "let go of the grief, pain and sorrow and step into the future," etc. Don't you love the way God orchestrates things so that He speaks to so many of us at the same time in the same way, yet with each of us in different situations? I am sure that many in the room this morning were making their own transitions into the future even as I was. Only Papa could have made sure that I was here in Houston, today, to hear Joshua Mills say those words on the one year anniversary of Jettie's departure!

So this will be the last time that I address anything specifically related to the journey of sorrow related to Jettie's death. These are random thoughts, too, so there may be some repetition from previous posts, but I wanted to put in one place some of the most important things I have learned.

First, I have definitely learned that "ain't over until it's over." I smiled (and sighed) as I looked back at my words on April 29 where I was celebrating how healed up I already was. Maybe I was healed up a lot at that time, but I can assure you that the season of mourning continued on for several more months after that date! Now, however, I can tell that it really is time to move ahead. Why I thought I could speed up the one year process of "firsts" is a mystery to me, but I am a humbled and better instructed man now! When God says something is over, it's over, but not before.

Second, we know that healing is happening when we are able to enjoy life without guilt and remember things without sorrow. This is how I know that I have indeed finally turned a corner and entered a different season. At the same time I heard those words from Papa about the season of mourning being over, a dear older friend of mine gently told me that I was still holding onto Jettie in some way. That triggered a highly important time with Papa that led to some final surrender that I cannot even explain, but on the other side of it, I knew I was in a different place because I stopped feeling guilty for enjoying the new life that is unfolding for me here in Houston. And only in the past couple of days have I noticed that I can remember things about life with Jettie without sadness. Maybe some folks can get to that place sooner, but it has taken me until now to do so. But I know from both experience and from my reading about grief that enjoying life and remembering without sorrow are big milestones in this journey. And I am so grateful for what God has done (and continues to do) as He brings me into a "time to laugh" and a "time to dance."

Third, I have said this before but I need to say it again: regret is a real hindrance to getting on with life and into wholeness. Thankfully, God addressed this early on in my journey, but it's amazing how many times He had to re-address it before I finally let go of it for good. I realize now that regret is a subtle form of shame, and shame keeps us terribly locked into self-focus and bound up in the past. Jesus died to take away our shame, including the shame of "I wish I had" and "I could have" and "I should have," etc.

Fourth, God is the best grief counselor in the Universe, but He uses His people as part of His healing process. I could write volumes about this, and maybe some day when I write my book about the journey, I will. For now I simply elaborate on these two points. 1) God will for sure lead you through the grieving process as you lean into Him, collapse onto Him, cry out to Him, listen to Him. Some of my deepest healing moments have come after I wept and even shouted at Him but then stopped and listened to Him--amazing! And He has led and continues to lead this entire journey. The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, really is the best counselor in all of creation! He alone can lead us into the truth that sets us free. 2) God also heals us through other people. One of the things people naturally do during grief is isolate themselves from others (for many reasons), but I don't know of anyone who has been healed up in a truly healthy manner apart from lots of interaction with and support from others. The illustration of the input from my older and wiser friend (thanks, Ray!) is just one example of dozens of how this has been true for me. So I encourage the grieving to reach out, I encourage those who are not grieving to reach out as well, even if all you are able to do is weep with those who weep and hold their hearts close to yours.

Finally, the past year has only made me appreciate more than ever what an amazing woman Jettie was and is. I will always respect, honor and esteem her and always be thankful to God for giving me 41 years with her. But I will not cling to her, live in regret nor fail to move into my future (that would actually dishonor her). And so I step into the future, treasuring the memories while living in the joyful fullness that life in Jesus always brings.

Tom, one of Abba's children

The Transfer of Trust

2011-10-01T10:58:00.003-06:00

I will probably repeat myself in this post because I am once again going to write about "faith," and I wrote quite a bit about that during the season of testing our family went through in 2009-2010. But I thought it would be good to write about trusting God on the other side of things during a time when I am once again being challenged to trust Him at uncomfortably deep levels. So here's a few things I am learning.

First, more than ever I am aware that "faith" is something that is present in every human being. The question, of course, is where a person chooses to place his/her trust. We are exercise enormous amounts of faith every day. We trust other drivers to stay alert and in their own lane of traffic, we trust those who worked on the airplane we are boarding to be responsible, we trust those who prepare our food to exercise good hygiene practices, etc. And most of all we trust ourselves and our own perception of things. It's that last truth that creates the challenges for us as God invites us to trust Him. We are conditioned all of our lives to trust "self" and self alone, and this self-trust is so automatic as to be almost invisible and unconsciously exercised. But God invites and challenges us to transfer trust from this very limited and highly ignorant person (that would be you and me!) to Himself, the infinite, all-knowing, completely loving One. Sounds good when we say it, eh? But learning to transfer trust to Him is a lifelong process that is often fight tooth and nail by both our adversary and our self. Big revelation there, eh? We all know this fact all too well. But it does help to bring this to the light, I think. When I realized that I wasn't trying to create faith or generate more faith but rather transfer my trust from self to God, it helped me both to want to do so and made me see how possible it is to trust God (I just shift my trust from unreliable self to totally reliable Papa God!).

Second, "faith" is best built mostly during the good times so that it's there to sustain during the bad times. This isn't what I was taught in church, though. I was told that times of testing come to grow my faith (exercise my faith muscle, etc.). But this isn't what scripture says, and it isn't what life experience teaches us! Trust grows in our lives in response to our experience of another's trustworthiness. We learn to trust another person by their showing us through their actions that they are trustworthy. The more experience we have of their trustworthiness, the more we grow to trust them. Eventually our trust is deep enough that even when they ask us to trust them in something we haven't previously experienced with them, we do so because their character has been revealed through our experience with them up this point. I think you can see how this applies to the God journey, too. And Scripture bears this out, showing us God's trustworthiness over and over again as experienced by people just like us, and telling us that struggles come not to grow our faith but to reveal it in the midst of the test (see, for example, 1 Peter 1:6-7).

But how does the above truth help us? I am learning that paying attention to God's faithfulness during the good times, taking time to be grateful and to reflect on His goodness when things are going well can actually build my trust level in Him in wonderful ways. That is indeed what happened during the season of pain that we went through. The trust that had already grown in our hearts sustained us and invited us to trust in uncharted waters even in the midst of the storm. And God, of course, was also continuing to reveal His trustworthiness during the troubled times in many different ways. (So, in fact, faith can grow during times of testing, too, but that shouldn't be the primary place, in my opinion).

Third, by its very nature, faith is meant to increase and grow in any relationship, and especially in our relationship with God. We were meant to trust God, born for that very purpose because we were born in order to be in relationship with Him! But because increase is part of the journey, we will often find ourselves faced with a new choice to trust God in a new way. Personally my sense of self trust is so deeply ingrained in me that I find God's invitations to trust Him in new ways rather stretching at the very least and downright annoying and scary at the most! Yet the invitation continues all the days of our lives: "Trust in the LORD with all of your heart and don't trust in your own understanding." And so my anxiety becomes God's call to trust Him more deeply, not blindly but based upon His character as revealed by our experiences of His faithfulness and the testimony of many others. (But it's still scary and annoying at times! It wouldn't be faith if the need to trust weren't involved!).

Finally, I have discovered again that it really does help to translate belief, believe and faith as "trust" when we read scripture. There is something wonderfully down to earth and easy to understand about Jesus asking the disciples, "Where is your trust?" instead of "Where is your faith?" Because of our religious conditioning, faith often sounds like a commodity or something we do, whereas "trust" is easy to understand as a relational concept. Try it, you may like it. The word "trust" will fit in all of those places where believe, belief or faith show up.

And so here I am, facing the uncertainty of life in multiple dimensions, with no sure end in sight. But as happened during the painful journey, I hear again the words of Lamentations 3:57 and cannot do otherwise than transfer my trust once again to the One who alone is trustworthy.

Tom, one of Abba's children

The Discerning Community, Part Two

2011-09-23T12:16:00.002-06:00

"Test everything!" Today I continue my thoughts about how we as the people of God can be a discerning community. Two of you, at least, stated that you were looking forward to part two, so here it is.

In today's musings I will simply write out some questions/reflections that we in the discerning community can use when "testing everything." Some of these may be repeat a bit of what I said last week, but I felt I needed to list out some basic questions that the community can use in evaluating everything from a prophetic word, dream or vision to teachings and books, so here goes. Some of these questions are without comment because they are rather obvious.

What is the fruit of the person's life who is bringing this? In Matthew 7:15-23 where Jesus warns His followers to be on the alert for false prophets, He tells us that false teaching can be detected by looking for false living: "thus by their fruit will you recognize them." I could write a book about this passage, but for now please note that the warning Jesus is issuing here is not just about false teaching but false prophets--the people themselves. And we recognize these people by inspecting the fruit of their lives. This requires that we know something of their lives, of course, and of the effect of their lives on others. Does this person's life bring peace, love, joy, etc. to others? Do they live a life of integrity and healthy transparency--I think you get the picture.
Do other, honest and godly, people endorse this? Note what I am not saying here: I am not suggesting that every honest and godly person endorse something. Perfect agreement will not happen this side of Heaven! For example, I know of very few people who adhere to Calvinism who would endorse The Shack, but there are many other trustworthy folks who do (including yours truly!). But generally there should be some sense of broad agreement by some who are clearly healthy followers of Jesus, in my opinion.
Does this _______ promote humility or pride in those who accept it?
Who is lifted up by this ________, the Lord Jesus or someone else?
Does this _______ promote a sort of elitism, i.e., assert that only certain special people "in the know" are buying into this teaching or whatever? Does it imply that special revelation has been given to a chosen few? The sense of "being special" or having "special knowledge" is as old as the Church itself, of course. The early Christian heresy known as Gnosticism appealed to people's prideful desire to be part of the elite group composed of those who know special, deeper truth. Note that this call to elitism (the very opposite of the Good News) can be very subtle, but for me it's a dead giveaway that something is awry. Note, however, that something can be new and embraced early by those who are early adopters without it being elitism. The Pentecostal/Charismatic movements are proof that old truth, long hidden, can be unveiled to God's people and not be accepted by all! New understanding is always breaking in upon us as followers of Jesus, but it won't promote elitism nor will it disagree with the basic tenor of Scripture and the character of God as revealed in Scripture (and yes, I know there isn't even agreement on these two things in Christ's body!).
How does this ______ fit with the whole of Scripture? I touched on this last week, but I bring it up again. The devil knows the Bible and felt free to quote it even to Jesus during His time of testing in the wilderness. But Jesus knew His Abba so well and the general flavor and sense of Scripture well enough to fend off the enemy's deceptive use of Scripture. As a discerning community we will do well to ask Him to empower us to do the same.

Okay, that's enough for now, I think. No one gets everything right, of course, and focus on mere doctrine and teaching will divide us rather than unite us as followers of Jesus, but as a community we can certainly learn to be discerning in the way that Paul described, testing everything and holding fast to the good while discarding the bad. When we do so, deep transformation, an abundance of the fruit of the Spirit, increasingly healthy relationships and the shattering of the kingdom of darkness will certainly be the result.

Learning to discern in love, in community...

Tom, one of Abba's children

The Discerning Community

2011-09-16T09:07:00.004-06:00

"Don’t suppress the Spirit, and don’t stifle those who have a word from the Master. On the other hand, don’t be gullible. Check out everything, and keep only what’s good. Throw out anything tainted with evil." (1 Thessalonians 5:19-22, The Message)

I am sometimes fascinated and sometimes frustrated by the gullibility of church folks. As one who visits many different streams in Christ's body, I have discovered that gullibility seems to be widely distributed throughout the various expressions of the church. Although some have suggested that the Pentecostal-Charimatic folks are more likely to be gullible and led astray into strange beliefs and behaviors, I haven't found that to be the case. Anti-supernatural folks are just as deceived as those who see God in everything supernatural, they are merely deceived about a different aspect of God's truth (a de-supernaturalized God is a serious deception and one that the devil loves to promote, methinks).

With the increasingly unsettled nature of our times, people seem to be even more open to strange things. Jesus and His Apostles predicted this, of course, warning us that in the last days the enemy would ramp up his attempts to lead people astray (see, for example Jesus' discourses in Matthew 24 and Luke 21 and 1 Timothy 4:1 ff., 2 Timothy 3:1-9, etc.).

So what are we to do about this? Certainly we are not to live in fear of deception, but just as certainly we do need to be sure that we become an increasingly discerning community. That's what Paul is saying to the Thessalonians in the passage I started with today. Writing to the community of believers in Thessalonica, Paul admonishes them, as a community, to be open to the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit but also to test everything, holding onto that which is good but discarding that which is evil. So part of our becoming a healthy Body of Christ requires us to to test things as a believing community. So how do we do that? What do we use as the measure for our testing? Here are a few of my thoughts. Note that I am assuming that this testing is being done by the community, not just by one self-appointed "guardian of truth"--no one can discern rightly apart from the larger Christian community, in my opinion.

First, Paul himself gives us the first measurement in this passage from 1 Thessalonians: good and evil. This may seem like a no-brainer, but I have seen unthinking believers embrace things that, while not blatantly evil, clearly led in that direction. Usually the reason they had embraced such things was that they hadn't fully thought out the implications of what they were hearing, seeing, reading, etc. Testing something means using our minds to carry it out to its full and logical conclusion. Some things that start out looking good can end up looking pretty strange and downright evil if we do this.

Second, it's good to test things with plain old common sense. Many years ago I heard a woman give a prophetic word stating that financial prosperity would be ours if we would all just take out our wallets and jump up and down on them in Jesus' name. I still smile as I think of the expression on the pastor's face :-) But thankfully, common sense prevailed and our wallets were spared. This is a humorous example, but other examples are not so obvious. For example, I have heard it said in some circles that "God wants to destroy your dignity in order to humble you." How ridiculous is that? Why would a loving Father destroy the dignity of one of his children? God may want to dismantle pride in some of His kids, but He protects the dignity of those He loves (those who wait for Him are never put to shame! Psalm 25:3). Other assaults on our common sense come when people suggest that God "took someone home" through death (Jesus died to conquer death, not use it to get someone to Heaven!), or when folks suggest that natural disasters are God's judgment (see my friend Steve Hill's excellent comments on this by clicking here.)

Third, we can test things against history. Church history and history in general have many lessons to teach us about how people are led astray and the tragic results when that happens. History also helps us be alert to patterns that may help us become more discerning. For example, throughout the past few hundreds years of Western civilization, every time things have looked really bad there have been those who predict that Jesus' return is near. Now we all know that His return is certainly nearer now than ever before, but before we listen to those who drag out their charts and proof texts we may want to consider that this has always happened when things get bad. Similar charts and prophecies of doom have occurred before. (I am not saying that we shouldn't pay attention to the signs of the times but that we will do well to take historical context into account when we do).

Fourth, we can depend upon the spiritual gift of discernment. I personally think this is one of the most important gifts for believers to value and seek to function in, not just to detect error, however, but mostly to discern the good. But a believing community will also do well to pay attention to those credible people in their midst whose "discernment-o-meters" sound yellow alerts at various times.

Finally, and most importantly, we can test things against Scripture. Again, this may seem like a no-brainer, but I am amazed at how rarely this is done, especially in terms of things supernatural. Just because something appears to be a supernatural experience (like trips to Heaven, out of body experiences, seeing angels, etc.), that doesn't mean that it isn't to be weighed against Scripture. Paul said that even an angel who announced a different gospel should be eternally condemned (Galatians 1:8-9), and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 says to "test everything" which would include visions and other supernatural experiences. And when we test such things, we test them against the whole of Scripture, not just a few short verses, comparing such things to what Scriptures shows us about the character of God and the nature of the New Covenant given to us through Jesus. I recently came across an example of this. I heard or read about a little child's trip to Heaven in which s/he was told that Christians are to start keeping the feasts of Israel! Anyone familiar with Paul's letters knows that such a statement is not trustworthy (Galatians comes to mind, along with Colossians 2:13-23), yet because the false teaching is couched in supernatural language some folks will naively embrace this and become entangled in something that will lead away from the grace-filled life in Jesus.

I could go on with many more examples, but this is getting pretty long already. Can you tell I am passionate about this? Yes, Tom, the man who emphasizes intimacy with Papa God as primary, still very much believes that what we believe about God matters! Mere intellectual belief is, of course, a false teaching in and of itself, but that doesn't mean that some attention to thinking about what is true and trustworthy isn't necessary, especially for any community of believers. Paul made it clear that we are as Christ's people not only to be open to the supernatural working of the Spirit but also to be open to testing together everything that comes our way. Gullibility may be cute when we are pulling someone's leg for fun, but it can be dangerous when we are dealing with the deeper things of life.

I will write more about all of this next week. This is part one :-)

Thankful to be part of the larger, discerning community.

Tom, one of Abba's children

"The LORD was with him..."

2011-09-09T10:03:00.002-06:00

Today is the 11 month anniversary of Jettie's departure, and try as I might, I cannot ignore it. But I choose this day to reflect on God's goodness to my family and me as we continue to be led to wholeness by our loving Papa God.

"The LORD was with him" is repeated several times in the story of Joseph in Genesis 39. It seems that each time Joseph finds himself in a "pit" of some kind, the Bible answers the pit experience with "but the LORD was with Joseph/him." And that has above all else been my experience over the past two years. From diagnosis to departure, the overwhelming theme of my life has been "the LORD is with me," and I continue to be overwhelmed by this to this very day. Yet this is exactly what Papa had promised as we started the journey way back in August 2009. One of the first scriptures given to us was Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So in this context, I write again some things I am learning by experience about this beauty from ashes journey. I write these things not for me but for those of you who share similar losses (and all of us will at some point, of course).

First, I am learning about "firsts." Everyone says that the firsts are hard, of course, and my experience has proven this out. So far, every "first" (holidays, birthday, wedding anniversary, etc.) has triggered a journey into sorrow, usually several days before the actual date. Lesson learned? You cannot avoid these moments, but you can be prepared and not freak out when the emotions go out of control. Knowing that grieving the firsts has also helped me when unexpected firsts hit me. As I have noted before, our subconscious self keeps track of things even when our conscious mind is not aware of them. I have discovered that unknown firsts would ambush me: first time I saw a Wendy's, first time I saw any car like the ones Jettie drove over the years, even the first anniversary of when all medical help was gone (July had some very hard grieving because of that one!). But I have also discovered that once I realize what is happening, knowing that it's normal to be triggered by firsts helps me run to Papa and have Him put things back into perspective as He holds me and catches my (many tears).

Second, I have learned that little surprises that trigger tears continue to come even 11 months into the journey. The difference now, of course, is that the tears are fewer and last a shorter time. God does heal our broken hearts, dear ones. This hasn't happened fast enough for my tastes, but because He is with me, I know that healing is coming at just the right pace. So for those of you who find yourself still triggered, know that Papa's embrace is there for you, always and every time.

Third, I think I have also learned that the depth of our relationship with God going into a time of grief helps to mitigate some of the effects of loss on us. Everyone grieves some (or should), of course, but those who know Jesus don't have to "sorrow as those who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13). The most noticeable area for me in this has to do with my lack of anger. I have felt very little anger at God during this entire journey and can honestly say I have never felt anger at Jettie for "leaving us." As I have pondered this, I realized that the tender walk with Papa that He has graced me with plus my unshakeable confidence in His goodness (He doesn't send or "allow" evil things--see my earlier blog about this written December 6, 2010) have somehow made it really hard for me to be angry with Him. How can I be angry at the One who grieves with me, weeps with me, treasures my tears, redeems all of my losses, etc.? And how could I be angry at Jettie? No one ever fought harder to stay with her loved ones than she did. And the tender walk with my Papa has made it easier for me to remember this. So yes, I feel great loss, but the LORD is with me and the depth of His "with-me-ness" astounds me even as it turns me away from anger. (But I am not suggesting that others who experience anger are any less godly, etc. By all means, if you are angry then get it out in the open--that, too, is a mark of healthy relationship!).

Finally, (for now at least). I have learned a few things that have helped me move towards wholeness that I pass along to you.

Papa has shown me to avoid regret like the plague! Regret never helps in any context, of course, but it is especially unhelpful in terms of the mourning process. Turn away from it when it comes knocking at your door.
I have also learned not to fight the emotions that come upon me. As I have said elsewhere, once we get past the first couple of months of numbness and shock, we can choose when we pour out our tears, but we dare not stuff the emotions that roil up within us. There is, in my experience, tremendous healing in the process of cathartic (cleansing) weeping. Let the tears, the weeping, even the wailing, come!
We cannot walk this journey alone! Even as an introvert who processes things best alone, I have been prompted many times to reach out to others who held onto me, listened to me, simply sat with me, etc., as needed. And above all this, many have been praying for my family and me and continue to do so. The evidence that "The LORD is with me" is perhaps most clearly seen in the love of the many others who walk with me. Please, dear ones, don't try this grieving thingy alone! Find others who do indeed know how to "weep with those who weep" and watch how it helps to heal your broken heart.

Okay, enough for now. I sincerely do hope that this yet another season of reflection will serve some of you in some small way.

The LORD is with me...and that says it all.

Tom, one of Abba's children

So Much Love!

2011-08-22T17:01:00.005-06:00

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17b-19 NIV)

Paul wrote the Ephesian letter late in his life, and it's likely that the Ephesian letter was a circular letter intended for all of the churches in Asia minor, so I have always thought that what he prays in this letter is of very great significance. It's the distillation of his entire life designed for everyone to pay special attention to! How striking then, that a major part of Paul's prayer for his readers is for them to continuously be growing in their knowledge and actual experience of Papa's love for them. And the longer I walk with God the more sense this makes to me. I cannot think of anything more important than God's people grasping, knowing and experiencing more and more of His love for them.

As you know, I believe that "Living Loved" (to use Wayne Jacobsen's phrase) is the key to everything else in life. There's no such thing as too much of God's love.

But people sometimes get nervous when I start talking this way. I have a couple of thoughts as to why that happens. First, I find that those who protest that we need to talk about obedience, too, not just God's love (I agree with this) are usually those that haven't really experienced God's love. They often have "father wounds" or other wounds that have caused them to keep Father at a distance. With folks like this I have found that it's helpful just to gently persist in loving them, not backing away from the centrality of living loved but patiently waiting for God's healing love to seep past the walls erected against His love.

I also find that some people object to this emphasis on God's love because they think we are talking only about feelings or experiences. But when Paul prays for his readers to know God's love it extends far beyond just a feeling of being loved (as important as that is). To know God's love is to have our eyes and hearts opened to everything about Him that our little minds can catch. Because God is love, everything He does expresses that love. And because His love is completely and totally working for our good, even the most painful experiences in life can reveal His love if we "keep watching" and keep our hearts soft towards Him even in our pain. (I speak from experience here, as you know).

So I will keep on inviting people to know and experience God's love, echoing Paul's prayer as my own and also seeking to express this prayer in how I live and serve others.

Now here are a few more thoughts about God's love for you that I just want to get on paper, so to speak.

Because God's love has no end, our experience of it is something that also has no end. This opens up amazing possibilities, if you catch the meaning here. Everything, everything!! becomes a potential purveyor of Papa's love, from the simple sighting of a little hummingbird to the painful and complex loss of those we love. Everything becomes one more invitation, one more opportunity to experience Father's love, and this will continue forever, ramping up considerably, methinks, once we see Him face to face.

Also, God's love is specific and personal to each person on the planet. For some reason, lots of believers seem to think that God loves them in a sort of generic way: "He loves everyone, so I guess He has to love me, too." But this is a terribly inferior understanding of Papa's love. God loves you with a love that is specific to you or them. His love isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of love but a specific treasuring of you in your uniqueness. He loves the little things about you that make you you. In a sense, God is in love with each and every person on the planet! And since He's God, His knowledge of each person's uniqueness is infinite. Think about that: Papa can honestly say to you, "I will never run out of reasons I love you!" The one who knows when a single sparrow falls knows and treasures you in all your wonderful uniqueness--wow!

Finally, as the plural "you" (y'all) indicates here in this passage and in most other passages that have to do with love, God's love is discovered in healthy community. Yes, Holy Spirit also pours love directly into our hearts (Romans 5:5), but as the many one another passages in Scripture indicate, God's intention was that much of our experience of getting to know His love would happen through others who are living loved. That's why the "whole picture" for me is that we lived loved and listening (for His loving affirmation and for His guidance as to how we are to love others). And yes, I know that church has failed rather miserably in this area. The Christian religion is no better than any other religion at producing loving people. Only a vibrant, "religion-free" relationship with the One who is love will enable us to make our contribution to the loving, healing community that Jesus empowers us to become. Will you sign up for this? Sigh...I could write so much more about this, but I will stop for now and ask Father simply to make me more and more an encounter with His love for all I meet.

Learning to live loved, praying for an eternal and continuing experience of His love for all of us.

Tom, one of Papa's children

Love and Cherish Until Death Do Us Part

2011-08-16T17:16:00.006-06:00

These past few days, as I have walked each morning in this well-to-do California neighborhood, I have been deeply aware of the contrast between the many “toys” of the “boys” and the memories of how God changed my heart towards Jettie the last few years of our marriage so that "toys" became so unimportant. As our marriage entered into its 4th decade, I found it becoming more and more important for me to love and cherish her than to “play.” How grateful I am that Papa started making these changes in me before the terrible/wonderful journey took her into eternity!! My affirmations of love for her rang true in those hard times because they were already being lived out in the good times. Ah, Father, thank you! Only your grace could have made such deep changes in me and in time for dear departed Jettie to know for sure of my love for her!

Now why am I writing about this? Am I wanting to "toot my own horn"? Heaven forbid! I of all men recognize that it was God's grace at work in me that brought these changes. And I also know that they were partial at best! There are many warts on this life that God is still working on! But I am writing this to men who may be sensing that there's more to marriage than what is their current experience. But please note that the last thing I want to do is to motivate any man by means of shame or guilt, so please hear what I am writing as invitation to consider things, not an exhortation that says, "You ought" or "You should." But having said this, let me tell you a few things I learned about "love and cherish until death" parted Jettie and me 10 months ago, things that by God's grace I will carry into my next marriage as well.

A lot of the changes came as a result of a "Big Thought" God gave to me one day while He and I were hanging out: that all of the “one another” passages apply first to those closest to us; i.e., to our spouse and our children! For example, I realized that we could quite legitimately paraphrase the New Commandment in John 13:34-35 like this: “Everyone will know you are my follower by how you love your wife. Love her in the same way I love you, and they will know for sure that you are mine.” In other words, our increasingly healthy marriages, born out of God’s immense and immeasurable love for us, and as it overflows to our wives, is one of the best and most essential testimonies to Jesus. When others see Jesus’ love for His bride in our love for our bride—wow!

But here are some specific ways this "one another" thing can work out in our lives as husbands. Just for you to consider, okay?

First, we can work on being sure that our gifts for her cost more than our "toys" (not that I am very interested in toys these days). I have noticed that many men "buy toys" with the expectation that their wives will want to play with those toys as well, even if that's not something their wife likes. I spent many years doing this myself, trying to get Jettie to love being on the water in the many boats I had, etc. Anyway, why not try to give your bride gifts that say to her "I treasure you above everything else, especially my toys"? I invite you to consider whether that might be good for your marriage as well. :-)

Second, we can begin trying to learn to listen to her until we really understand her. As you attempt to put this into practice it will help to remember that the purpose of communication is understanding, not agreement. Agreement is about control, not loving and cherishing. Agreement is necessary for projects and tasks, but requiring full agreement in relationships can destroy them. You will be amazed at how just this one thing (really listening) will change your marriage if you aren't practicing it so well right now. Try it, you will both like it!

Third, we can learn her love language and started trying to speak it with consistency. Jettie's primary love languages were serving and giving. Thankfully, one of those (giving) is also one of mine, so she had been "hearing" my love for a long time. But the serving didn't get kicked in until I took the time to discover it, then Papa allowed me to serve her in unbelievable ways the last months of her life--isn't He amazing! And now as I enter into another relationship I remain just as committed to speaking her love languages (which happen to be the same as mine--yippee!). I invite you to do the same in all of your relationships (our kids have love languages, too!).

Fourth, we can begin to consider how we might apply all the "one another" passages to our relationship with our wife. I think of Philippians 2:3-4: "Consider your wife better than yourself and consider her interests as just as important as yours." That one could take all day to describe, and no, I didn't live it out anywhere near perfectly with Jettie! But it's on the agenda for the rest of my life! And then there's all the other one another passages for us to grown into, eh?

Finally and most obvious of all: we can ask Jesus to show us really how to love her like He loves His Bride. We can be asking Jesus for creative ways to cherish our bride in the same way He cherishes His. It’s a prayer He loves to answer, and I look forward to hearing how He works that out in your lives!

Our 42nd anniversary would have taken place on the 24th of this month, so maybe that's why all of this is on my heart--I'm not sure. Regardless of the reason, I invite you men to consider new ways to love and cherish until death. As I learned so painfully, that last "qualifier" can happen sooner than we think.

Grateful to be learning to live loved and loving,

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Pursuit of Happiness????

2011-08-09T10:25:00.005-06:00

I took down my previous post for today. It wasn't written from a place of passion, so I am trying again.

I don't write about world events in my blog, or at least not much, and I don't intend to start now, but I have been struck lately with how the present world situation causes me to be filled with anticipation (yes, anticipation, not anxiety). The shaking of so many things that people tend to trust in means that God's unshakeable Kingdom is becoming increasingly clear and compelling. I am thinking of how the shaking of all things has wonderfully hindered the "pursuit of happiness."

The pursuit of "happiness" (feeling good), which is the "be all and end all" of American culture (permeating the Church as well secular society) is becoming harder and harder in a world of increasing uncertainty. This is a good thing, a very good thing! Why? Because as J.P. Moreland points out in Kingdom Triangle, "there are more important things than being happy. There is a bigger meaning and larger purpose that should be our life's aim. We are wired for more than happiness. We are made to live for God's honor by learning how to become spiritually competent, mature members of His Kingdom and to make that Kingdom our primary concern." (pp. 24-25).

And now, with happiness and security in this present world becoming harder and harder to find, God's people are awakening to their larger destiny and purpose in His Kingdom. I cannot help but think that this is a time when God's people are finally going to awaken from their slumber, shake free of their enslavement to the empty values of western culture and begin to "shine like stars" like Paul said in Philippians 2:15.

The destruction of the pursuit of happiness as our primary goal is a kind and necessary gift from God. Listen to J.P. Moreland again as he describes what a primary goal of happiness does: "If you spend all your time trying to be happy, you end up focusing all your attention on yourself and how 'happy' you are and, as a result, you become a shriveled self who can't live for some larger cause. Your life will center on yourself and your moment-by-moment focus will be on how you feel inside. Your sole criterion for seeking a job, making friends, finding a spouse (or staying with a spouse!), and selecting a church will reduce to one overarching concern: How does this particular thing make me feel?" (Kingdom Triangle, p. 24). I think you can see here how such a goal conflicts with the culture of a Kingdom that starts with self-denial! And I daresay you also see in these words a hauntingly accurate description of how many "believers" live! How kind of Father to change all of that!

And no, God isn't opposed to joy, happiness, etc., and any who read this blog know I don't believe that. But I do strongly believe that God is more interested in our making right choices, living in the power of His love and Holy Spirit, than He is in our feeling good all the time. Dear ones, it's an illusion to think that in this life we will always be happy, avoid all pain, etc. And if that's true, which it most certainly is, then should we not answer God's call to live beyond ourselves for a Kingdom that cannot be shaken?

I close with a quote from Thomas Kelly (A Testament of Devotion, p. 71), written at another time when all in the world was shaking (the beginning of World War 2). "An awful solemnity is on the earth, for the last vestige of earthly security is gone. It has always been gone, but we haven't believed it."

And so as the world shakes and quivers, and our future in this present world grows more and more uncertain, I stand on tiptoes with anticipation, wondering when Jesus' people will become fully awakened! And I choose to start waking up now, asking Papa to enable me more than ever to trust only in Him, live to bring Him joy, and love from His love those who are still caught in the hopeless pursuit of happiness.

Anticipating joyfully,

One of Abba's children

Show Me Your Ways, O Lord!

2011-07-30T14:35:00.006-06:00

One of the first psalms I memorized (many years ago now) was Psalm 25. I was struck then and now by David's passionate cry in verses 4-5 to know God.

“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and I wait in expectancy for you all day long.” (my paraphrase).

Interesting, eh, that the Bible never suggests that we ask God to teach us principles, or show us His doctrines? And this morning as I reflected again on what was happening in my life one year ago (battling for Jettie's life) I realized that I am more convinced than ever that we head in the wrong direction when we think of the Jesus walk as mostly about theology, doctrine, principles, etc.

Papa again confirmed this to me today in His words to me as I wrestled with some more grief, triggered by only He knows what. I once again allow you to listen in on my conversation with Him. From my journal this morning.

Ah, Father. I will trust in you!

“Child, I have been showing you these past few days how trustworthy I am, how generous and kind I am... I am gracious and generous and wanting to show you my ways, the riches of my kindness, so that you can enter into this next season. And I will succeed in my intentions, little one. Yes, even now you can glimpse (if but barely) what will be radiantly apparent for you in just a little while. My goodness is coming upon you, child, more than you can imagine or bear. I will smother you with grace and shower you with kindness over and over until you get it. Then, yes, then, you will trust me in an unprecedented manner! Taste and see, indeed, little one, that I am good—very, very, very good!”

Ah, Papa. I do indeed glimpse things, if but barely, but I seem unable at this point to hold onto what I see. But you will change that, I know. Open my eyes! Show me your ways!

Isn't Papa kind to us? And this persistent kindness is how it must be for us to learn what "faith" really looks like. Even human relationships teach us this. It isn’t just knowing that a friend might help that causes me to trust her/him. And it isn’t knowing about a friend’s supportiveness to other people that invites me to trust him/her. No, it’s the actual experiences of that friend’s help that invites and then increases my trust. It is no different for us in learning to trust Papa God. And that's why David (and others) cried out to God to know His ways, learn His paths. They weren't asking this in order to have something to do or an example to copy. They wanted to know by experience the One who invites us to trust Him because of His loving kindness.

Yet much of "Christianity" seems to get lost in complicated and convoluted facts, principles and proof texts. So I am once again beating the drum of intimacy as I so often do (I was writing something similar to this last year on this date, even in the midst of the battle!). Maybe some who didn't hear the drum beat yet will join me in marching to the beat of a different Drummer! How about you? Does your heart crave for facts or for a Father's embrace, for more principles or for more of His truth (His faithfulness, not facts about Him)?

Crying out to know Him.

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Not Safe, Not Tame, but Good!

2011-07-22T15:58:00.005-06:00

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis)

I probably read C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia to my two sons at least 3 or 4 times as they were growing up! A lot of their good theology came compliments of C.S. Lewis!

The quote above is one of my all time favorites from the books because it captures so well the blend of love and fear that healthy intimacy with God creates in us. In fact, the blend of intimacy with reverent fear is a common theme in the Chronicles. At some points in the stories C.S. Lewis describes intimacy with Aslan in remarkably tender terms with Aslan embracing, playing with, breathing on, romping with various characters in the story. In other places, Lewis describes the awesomeness of Aslan in breathtakingly powerful terms: Aslan's earthshaking roar (many places), Aslan's infinite power (many places), even Aslan's claws stripping Eustace of his dragon skin (Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and inflicting wounds on Aravis (The Horse and His Boy), etc.

As I view the church these days, I find myself often longing for that healthy balance of simultaneously living loved and in reverent fear. I know that true intimacy with Papa always increases one's reverence for Him, yet I see some who seem to advocate a casual familiarity with the God of the Universe.

How can this be? Yes, Father invites us in Jesus never to fear Him in the sense of fearing punishment or rejection, but never does He cease being God. Our Abba is also God Almighty, infinite in power, worthy of all honor, GOD! And when He shows up in Scripture He often creates such awe that people immediately go face down, losing all ability to stand, to speak, to do anything other than tremble. Perhaps that is why "Mr. grace" himself, the Apostle Paul wrote late in his life, that we are to work out our salvation "with fear and trembling." Perhaps, too, that is why Peter admonishes us to live our lives here as strangers in "reverent fear." (1 Peter 1:17) Perhaps, too, that is why even in eternity, fearing God is part of our life forever: "Who will not fear you, O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed." "Praise our God, all you His servants, you who fear Him, both small and great!" (Revelation 15:4 and 19:5).

Dear ones, God's love for us, His invitation to intimacy with Him, is not an invitation to casual familiarity. He is good, yes, He is infinitely good and merciful and kind and loving. But He is not safe! He is not to be treated with casual familiarity. Indeed, every great awakening in history has as part of its inception a renewal of a healthy fear of the Lord. I cannot imagine that this next great awakening will be any different.

"If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared." (Psalm 130:3-4 NIV).

For more thoughts on this, check out this link to an Elijah list article by Bobby Conner. I think Bobby nails it! Intimacy is not familiarity! Aslan's roar of love is still a roar!

Restore to us, O Mighty God, love touched with reverent, healthy fear!

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

2011-07-15T11:56:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago (May 28), I wrote about the "healing power of healthy relationships." Today I expand on this in a way by writing about one of the most important factors in healthy relationships (the free flow of forgiveness) which also turns out to be one of the most important factors in physical, emotional and relational healing: forgiveness.

I suppose the connection between relational health and forgiveness is obvious, but if it is that obvious I wonder why it isn't at the top of the list for people with relational challenges. Personally, I believe that listening and the free, two-way exchange of forgiveness are the two most important factors in healthy relationships. Constant forgiving and re-forgiving are non-negotiable parts of good relationships, in my opinion. (The Bible would seems to agree, given its constant emphasis on forgiveness).

The connection to emotional health may be just as obvious, I guess, but again I wonder if that's the case why forgiveness isn't the first response in pursuing emotional health. Just wondering...

But what about physical health? I have written previously about the connection between receiving supernatural healing and forgiveness (see this article, for example). But my recent reading of yet another remarkable book that I have moved to my highly recommended list, Deadly Emotions, by Don Colbert, M.D. has brought forgiveness into renewed focus for me. Although Dr. Colbert lists many "deadly emotions," I couldn't help but notice that those related to unforgiveness were at the top of the list (anger, bitterness, cynicism, drivenness, etc.)! And Dr. Colbert's suggestions for dealing with toxic emotions, although far more ranging than just forgiveness, make forgiveness one of the very most important factors in living healthily.

"But I have already worked through forgiving ______ ...." So say most North American Christians. I have been astonished at the depth of deception many believers walk in regarding their need to forgive. They are angry, perfectionistic, controlling, passive-aggressive, etc.--all of these often symptoms of unresolved hurts--yet they think they have dealt with the things that feed these negative (and deadly) emotions! Dear ones, if negativity is part of your life in any ongoing way, something isn't right! And more often than not, the inner healing needed in such a case begins with a serious, lengthy and specific round of forgiving people (and sometimes God and/or oneself). Often I find that asking a person to "re-forgive" gets things started, sometimes releasing an avalanche of emotions, especially when the person names and forgives very specific things.

Dr. Colbert notes that forgiveness may indeed involve a process before we are truly able to forgive from the heart. I quote him below.

Forgiveness releases layers of hurt and heals the raw, jagged edges of emotional pain. Saying "I forgive" is like taking an emotional shower-forgiveness cleanses and frees the entrapped soul.

Many times we have to take an initial step of forgiveness to start the forgiveness process. Sometimes we must repeat the act of forgiving each time a new set of painful memories comes to the surface.

One woman, who had divorced her abusive husband, said to me, "I know why Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7. I think I've forgiven my former husband 370 times by now. I just may need another 120 times of forgiveness before I get to the bottom of the forgiveness well!" (See Matt. 18:21-22.)

Don Colbert M.D.. Deadly Emotions: Understand the Mind-Body-Spirit Connection That Can Heal or Destroy You (Kindle Locations 1684-1689). Kindle Edition.

A few more thoughts on forgiveness.

Forgiveness is rooted in God's forgiveness for us. Most NT passages on forgiveness make this abundantly clear, including Jesus' amazing parable on forgiveness in Matthew 18:23-35.
Forgiveness is never given on the basis of the other person(s) deserving it. Dr. Colbert says, "Forgiveness is not based on finding some redeeming quality that makes a person worth forgiving. We can never base genuine forgiveness upon an individual's 'good behavior' compensating for his previously hurtful behavior. Forgiveness is something that happens on the inside of you-it comes solely from your desire to forgive for the sake of forgiving." Deadly Emotions (Kindle Locations 1699-1701). Forgiveness is simply handing the other person over to God, releasing them and your right to "hurt them back."
In the case of deep and continuing hurts, forgiveness is usually a process, repeated often, going deeper, etc.
Forgiveness does not mean continuing to put oneself in harm's way.
Forgiveness does not guarantee reconciliation with the other person. It may open the door for it, but it is a one-sided act on your part that releases you from bitterness and the other person into God's care.

I could write more here, I suppose, but I think I will simply leave this to you and the Holy Spirit to sort out. Scripture makes it clear that there is a connection between forgiveness and healing (see James 5:14-16), and it also admonishes us to shower forgiveness (literally "graciousness") on one another as God has showered grace-filled forgiveness on us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13 come to mind). Try it. You may be amazed at the depth of healing that is released in you or in others you care for.

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Why Is It Taking So Long Me to Get Better?????

2011-07-08T11:33:00.007-06:00

I was ambushed by a wave of mourning again this past week. Some of it was expected. Jettie's birthday was last Thursday, June 30, and I knew that "first" would be a bit rough, and it lived up to expectations with grief starting several days before the actual date then abating by the time the actual date arrived.

But the deep emotions and sense of loss didn't stop. Instead I felt like I was being assaulted by one wave of sorrow after another! I began to wonder if I had somehow messed up this mourning thing! But once again, Papa came to me, speaking to me through the Comforter, and reminded me that I was actually in the midst of three "firsts" within a short period of time: her birthday, July 4th (which she loved) and then our son Jon's birthday (today--happy birthday, beloved son!). As soon as Holy Spirit told me this, the lights came on for me. No wonder it felt like wave after wave was coming over me, with me having just enough time to get upright before being hit again!

It's a marvel to me how understanding something helps us to go through it. Just having God show me what was happening helped me put fears aside and once again lean into my mourning and embrace the tears. Our God is so very, very good, and I am grateful beyond words for His kindness to this still very broken man!

But there's more to this season right now, and I think I am supposed to share it with you. Obviously, one question that has come up for me of late is "Why is this taking so long?" In typical male fashion I keep wanting to get this thing over with! And because I am in a wonderful new relationship I had been thinking that I was indeed done with all of this, except for a few minor bumps. Okay, so that's a bit naive, but I am an indomitable optimist!

Anyway, Papa has been kind enough to answer my question about this, and I thought I would share a few of our conversations about this, lifted once again from journal. I trust that our conversation will be of some encouragement or other use to some of you.

From my journal entry on July 5 (with minor edits).

And speaking of my loss, you reminded me this morning that I have experienced a double loss in that Jettie was not only my lover but also best friend. I shared everything with her, as you know. This is a big thought, Papa, and one that helps me understand why more time is needed for mourning and for building relationship with CJ. And I also know this will go into what I write and/or speak about to others about the journey through grief and loss.

Pai, thank you, too, for the conversation with Jon. I was so broken that I couldn’t really talk that much, as you know. I am so broken right now, Papa, that I can’t even think of the conversation without starting to cry. What’s up with this, Papa? This is the most broken I have been since Valentine’s Day, I think, and it feels a little “dangerous” in that I am not very much in control of my emotions nor am I aware of what’s up! But I am still certain that you are holding me, Papa, in your righteous right hand.

But now, Papa. I seek your face. I am weary, as you know, of being so scattered and fragmented, but I cannot reassemble myself! My heart is still broken, I guess, on many levels.

But you are the One who heals the brokenhearted, so I bring my broken heart to you. Ah, Papa. Ah, Lord Jesus! Ah, Spirit Holy! I don’t want to go back in my journal even though I am sensing telling me to do so! But when I do go back, you send me back only 6 months, and there I find much treasure, including the truly apropos quote from Henri Nouwen, “The more afraid we are, the harder waiting becomes.” How true and how fitting for this season I am in right now when fear is once again troubling me. But I will rest in you.

From my journal entry on July 7 (with minor edits).

Papa, you know all things, though, so you know I am still more fragile than I expected to be this trip. I am fairly sure, too, that it’s connected with the challenge I am having getting and staying centered, yet even in this strange place I marvel at the level of peace I live in. Thank you for holding onto me so tightly, Father! But I long for more, so much more! And, Papa, I so don’t want to presume on your grace!

But even this morning, Papa, I find you reminding me that I am still more broken than I realize. Sigh. But I hear you encouraging me, and I find my mind and heart running to your word. But I dare not spend too much time “in my head,” Father, so I run back to you.

And as I listen, you tell me to go back one year, and I fearfully do so. It still hurts so much, Father! But it hurts differently than at first. Now it seems more about simply feeling loss. The first few months it felt more like I was grieving my sense of failure. It is clearly healthier to grieve loss! And the loss is far greater than I realized because it was obscured at first for a number of reasons. But I feel it now, Papa! Forty-one years! Why did I ever think I would recover from this in just a few short months? But you have led the mourning process all along, so here I am.

So there you have it. I am hoping that my transparency will once again serve at least some of you, if not right now then later. And I trust that you see most of all that this is so about God, not me. He is the one leading this process, carrying me along, speaking clearly and persistently until I get it. And the One who is Kindness and Grace will be just as persistent in His Kindness to you, dear one.

Healing at His pace...

Tom, one of Abba's wounded little boys

Hearing and Faith

2011-07-03T19:30:00.003-06:00

We learn to trust someone by getting to know them. We get to know them by listening to them and hanging out with them, in a sense, by “experiencing them.” Most of us know this, so it shouldn’t surprise us that it works the same way in our relationship with God. Our trust in Him grows as we get to know Him through our ongoing conversations with Him and our continuing experience of Him.

For some reason, though, this truth has taken on deeper meaning for me lately. I find myself marveling that I spent so much of my life (55 years!) mostly deaf to Papa’s voice. Oh, my internal world was filled with voices, to be sure! But God’s voice was a rare visitor amidst the cacophony of sounds in my inner world. But I am indescribably grateful that those other voices have now been almost completely silenced and that the voice I now hear almost continuously is God’s voice. Yes, I am becoming more aware of just how clear He has made His voice to me! Much of the time, in wonderful ways, I hear even His whispers. And hearing Him (which includes sensing, seeing, knowing) has led to a deeper and deeper trust in Him. How remarkable this is, coming from a man who just a few years ago barely knew that God talked!

The connection between hearing Him well and trusting Him more was recently reintroduced to me via my being led back to a journal entry from one year ago. In that entry I was reflecting on the connection between hearing and faith in the midst of the battle for Jettie’s life. I think that what I wrote may bless you:

From a June 28, 2010 journal entry (slightly edited):

Papa, as I ponder the events of last night, I think what strikes me the most is the wonder of how listening to you works. I am in awe that you are speaking so clearly to me right now, Papa, if I will just listen. And last night, as I was feeling I should be “more productive” you told me instead to read more in The List, and I was blown away by how deeply what I read touched me and confirmed so many things. And this morning, as I was wondering why we all don’t just listen all the time, I sensed you saying, “Because you think it’s too good to be true—that the God of the Universes would speak to you that clearly, that often, that well, that tenderly!” And that is so true, Papa! But you are changing this in me right now in ways that seem to be deeper than ever. And I am so undone with gratitude, even as I continue (as you of course know) to fend off fears. “Give us this day our daily bread.” Ah, Papa. Because you love us so much and want us to trust you, daily bread is all that we are promised, but it is promised! Yet we read so casually the passages in the Exodus story that tell how manna was given only for each day, without stopping to ponder what it would have been like to wake up each morning wondering if the manna would be there! What a picture of constant dependence and trust on you, and that’s only in the physical arena! Ah, Papa, we so want to find our security in things we (wrongly) think we have control over, when you are offering us yourself instead, the only true security. “In you, LORD, I take refuge…” “You are my refuge…”

So once again I find myself face to face with how utterly important it is to hear God, all the time, about everything. If we cannot hear Him, how can we grow to trust Him? If we are to live by “every word that proceeds from His mouth,” (Deuteronomy 8:3b), how can we live if we cannot hear the words that are constantly proceeding from His mouth? Oh, how I long to help every believer know and understand by experience how to hear Papa’s voice! And please know that hearing God clearly is every believer’s privilege. You can learn to hear Him really well, too. Jesus said “My sheep hear my voice” NOT “some of my sheep hear my voice.” If you are one of His sheep, you can hear His voice.

So here are a few thoughts on how you can increase your moment-by-moment hearing of His voice. Please note that these are listed as equals, not as a prioritized list. All of these are important, methinks!

· Listen! You won’t hear what you are not listening for. It takes practice to learn to listen, whether we are learning to listen to other people or to God. But taking the time to listen, listen, listen, quieting our heart to do so, is really important if you would learn to hear God’s voice well.

· Be willing to do whatever He says. He loves you and wants to “partner” with you, not obliterate you and your desires, so it’s safe to listen and respond when He gives guidance and instruction!

· Lay aside as many assumptions and preconceptions as you possibly can. You won’t hear what you don’t think He will say. One way this has worked out in my life is that I now am able to hear Papa’s frequent affirmation and encouragement. Until I realized that He would actually say things like, “That was well done” or “I really liked it when you…” I was unable to hear Him even though He was indeed saying things like that to me (every good Father affirms and encourages, so the Perfect Father does so even more).

· Learn to hear Him in Scripture. Most believers know that there is a connection between hearing God in His Word and growing in faith and they usually quote Romans 10:17, “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God” to “prove this.” And they read God’s word to “build their faith.” But this is not what this particular passage means. “Hearing God’s word” in this passage refers to hearing the spoken message of the Gospel about Christ. So just reading the Bible, stuffing ourselves with information to “build faith” is not really how hearing God’s word and faith are connected. Rather, because faith is a relational term that refers to trust, the kind of “hearing God in His Word” that builds faith is hearing God as He speaks to us Spirit to spirit through His Word. It is hearing God’s word spoken into our circumstances and spoken into our hearts. We hear Papa in His word and get to know Him better when the Spirit enlightens what we are reading so that we hear God speak directly to our hearts through a passage. Again, stilling our hearts and taking time to listen (and respond as is appropriate) will greatly increase our hearing God through Scripture.

Well, I am not sure I have said what is burning in my heart, but I have at least tried. My burning passion is to help every follower of Jesus engage in a “running conversation” with Father God, by His Spirit, in the same way that Jesus did. In my opinion, there is no other way to truly “build faith.” But if we hear Him and get to know Him, there is no limit to how much “God-confidence” will grow! May it be so for us all!

Listening for Abba's whispers,

Tom, One of His little boys

Why is this so hard to get?

2011-06-16T18:02:00.003-06:00

One of Albert Einstein's most quoted sayings is "insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I love that quote even though I weep as I realize how "insane" many in the western church are by this definition. Why is it so hard to ask questions about what we are doing, especially when the results are so far from what we know can be true?

Back in July of last year, I wrote about some tendencies in the traditional approaches to church that those choosing those approaches must consider. This blog entry will make more sense if you read that before continuing. You can read that entry in a different window by clicking here.

But my question (and citing the quote from Einstein) comes this week because I see so little change in the behavior of those who are part of the western church. Oh, they move a few chairs around, make things more slick and contemporary, try to force "community" on people, etc., but the basic behaviors (and the assumptions that drive them) continue unabated, with the sad results that our culture remains unchanged in its descent into the abyss. Goodness, folks, if spending so much time on sermons that people forget doesn't work, why does everyone keep doing them? If people remain in their performance-based understanding the Jesus life, why do we continue to focus on behavior rather than heart?

But I am not discouraged nor do I wish to sound negative. Jesus is bringing life to His Church, and evidences of that abound. All across our nation, followers of Jesus are connecting with one another, discovering grace-based life in Jesus as family, usually but not always outside the boundaries of what is generally called "church." Some day I will write more about this, but today I want to pose questions and hope that they will trigger a change of heart in those who have influence in "the church."

And even in more traditional settings, life is beginning to show up. The following video was recently shown at the Foursquare Church's yearly convention. Click here to see it in a separate window. You will see that it addresses some of the same things in my blog from last July. And I am personally aware of a true awakening to genuine intimacy with God and the supernatural among many who are part of very traditional churches--Aslan is indeed on the move.

But we still need to ask the hard questions, I think. It isn't that hard to take a peek and ask oneself, "Is this ________ producing followers of Jesus who are relationally healthy, explosively joyful, inwardly peaceful, truly kind, etc.?" If not, can we please do something different? :-)

Just thinking out loud here and giving you a glimpse into the scary mind of Tom Wymore!

Wondering but not worried!

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Chicken, Ostrich, or Eagle?

2011-06-10T11:25:00.006-06:00

One doesn't need to be a world-class economist nor a prophet to know that a huge economic collapse is in the future for our world's economy. Most of our politicians here in the US may be oblivious to this fact, but anyone with even a small amount of common sense can see that collapse at some point not too far in the future is inevitable. And this collapse is likely to make the Great Depression look like child's play.

In light of this fact, I have been asking Father how to avoid sounding like a chicken or looking like an ostrich. By chicken I mean, "Chicken Little," the little chicken that went around crying, "The sky is falling!" and by ostrich I mean the hide-my-head-in-the-sand approach. How can we prepare to soar like eagles above the impending storm, not to escape but to serve those who were not prepared? (Christians who stockpile things are doing it to have it to give away, I trust, since this world is not our home.)

So here's a few of my thoughts as I ponder this.

First, the sky is not falling--rather, the economy is collapsing, and instead of fearing this, believers can quite reasonably rejoice in this. The death of the American dream may be one of God's greatest gifts to us, dear ones, because it will do two remarkable things: it will help believers discover what they are really trusting in and worshiping (what we fear indicates where our trust and worship really go), and it will also remove the illusion of security in the things of this world from those who don't know God (I see a great harvest ahead!). In light of this, it seems wise for us to examine now where our trust lies, methinks! It may also mean that we need to examine our ways to be sure they are economically wise so that we will indeed be able to help others who are not prepared. Just a thought.

Second, ignoring things will not make them go away. Okay, so I know that ostriches don't really bury their heads in the sand, but I couldn't find another bird metaphor that fits! My point here, though, is that we cannot hide from that which is coming upon the world. The Bible clearly teaches that in the last days things will get really hard, for everyone and perhaps especially for believers because of increased persecution. And the facts are clearly pointing to a huge economic collapse--something that may cause even believers a bit of fear at first. But if God really is our refuge (and He is) then we can get to that place that means we won't be afraid even if everything around us collapses. Psalm 46 says it best, I think. "God is our place of safety. He gives us strength. He is always there to help us in times of trouble. The earth may fall apart. The mountains may fall into the middle of the sea. But we will not be afraid. The waters of the sea may roar and foam. The mountains may shake when the waters rise. But we will not be afraid." (Psalm 46:1-3 NIRV)

An eagle? Legend has it that eagles fly over storms. This isn't really likely since the maximum height a Bald Eagle can reach is about 10, 000 feet, but again it makes for a beautiful picture! There is a promise in Paul's words in Philippians 4:11-13 that tells us we can learn how to fly even in times of economic uncertainty. "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ,who gives me strength." Dear ones, please note that this is something we learn. It isn't automatic nor does it come overnight. Paul wrote this late in his life having been stretched many, many times into a place of living in peace in the midst of many trials. So rather than be upset that we are upset about uncertainty, let's embrace the uncertainty with the knowledge that God is teaching us how to trust Him in a way that invites us deeper into Him, not in some trite, feel-better way, but in a way that gives birth eventually to deep abiding peace. Make it so, Papa, in all of us that we may be light indeed in the midst of the fear all around us, drawing people to Jesus by His peace within us!

I close with Paul's words in 1 Timothy 6:17-19, which are wonderfully fitting for these times. "Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life."

Learning to fly...

Tom, one of Abba's little children

Dance Well, JoySong!

2011-06-03T10:29:00.004-06:00

Early this morning, yet another one whom I loved deeply lost a battle to cancer (but won the ultimate prize of entering into the Dance of Heaven!)

There was a time not too long ago when a death to cancer would have prompted me to bring out my "theological guns" and shoot vigorously at whatever I could find, but those days are past, I trust. I still believe with all my heart that God's will is to heal the sick: all those oppressed by the devil (Acts 10:38), but with Jettie's death last year my heart has become more able to embrace mystery...

So I will instead write today a brief tribute to my friend, Carol, who now dances with Jesus along with Jettie and many others I love who have graduated into eternity.

I cannot think of anyone who would be more at home in heaven than Carol (her email address, JoySong fits her so well!). Carol loved the manifest presence of God like few I have known. I cannot think of anyone more likely to dance their way into Heaven than Carol! Dance well, JoySong! I know you are indeed dancing well with the One you loved more than life itself!

There are many things I could write about Carol--she is a dear, dear friend. But the thing most on my heart this morning about her, triggered by her passing, is her selfless, caring heart. I find myself today reflecting deeply on Carol's invitation to me a few months ago not to go on this journey with her if my heart couldn't bear it. How amazing it is that when she was facing the greatest challenge of her life, at a time she very much wanted and needed those who love her to be with her, Carol would be thinking of me and how another battle with cancer would affect me! The more I have thought about this today, the more I see how it reflects the core of who Carol is: tender to Papa, sensitive to others, self-effacing to the max and so very, very kind and good! Ah, Papa, I am invited to deeper levels of other-orientation by Carol's life! Thank you for a life well lived!

Well done, JoySong! You lived well, you loved well, you died well, and now you dance better than ever!

Weeping in loss, resting in mystery, rejoicing in hope.

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Healing Power of Healthy Relationships

2011-05-28T10:31:00.004-06:00

Why do I write so much about healthy relationships? Several reasons come to mind. First and most important: Jesus Himself said that healthy relationships among His followers would be the number one indicator to the world that we are His followers. "You are to live in healthy relationship with one another as I have with you. Everyone will know that you are my followers by the healthy relationships you have with one another." (paraphrase of John 13:34-35 that de-spiritualizes the word "love.") That the early believers understood this to be true is evident in the emphasis that the writers of the New Testament place upon healthy relationships. John, Paul and Peter to name a few, all spend far more time talking about relationships than about personal righteousness.

The second reason I write so often about relationships is that I see so little evidence of emotionally healthy relationships among US Christians. Many recent conversations have made this painfully obvious to me once again. So many "Christian leaders" are driven, "people-using" persons! I sometimes wonder if these "Christian leaders" have read the gospels and seen how Jesus lived! He said to "Love one another as I have loved you," not "use one another as I have used you." And He clearly stated more than once that Christian leaders were to "look, act and feel like slaves" to those they lead: "Whoever wants to become the first among you must serve all of you like a slave." (Mark 10:44, NCV). Again, the NT writers caught this concept and lived it out. In 2 Corinthians 4:5 Paul writes, "For we do not proclaim ourselves; we proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord and ourselves as your slaves for Jesus' sake." (RSV).

The third reason I write so often about healthy relationships give today's blog its title: there is tremendous healing in healthy relationships (health begets health, wholeness gives birth to wholeness). This has been brought home to me once again as I have (again) be reviewing Bo's Cafe in preparation for a season of ministry in California. Healthy relationships and the "environment" that nurtures them are wonderfully defined via the story in Bo's Cafe, which I have written about before, of course. Everybody needs a Bo's Cafe! Ideally, every expression of the church would be so organic that that would be the norm for God's people, but until it is, I will be a fervent evangelist for believers being intentional about forming their own "Bo's Cafes." I wonder what the world would see if every follower of Jesus was part of a community who had people in it like Andy, the main "mentor" in the story? I close with a few excerpts from Andy's email to young Steven. These are some of the best descriptions I have ever found of the kind of safe and whole person who facilitates Bo's Cafe experiences. (from pages 104-108).

"I don't want your trust for my benefit, but for yours. I will never demand it... I can only ask your permission to earn it. Trust is a right response to another's love."

"Do I see others as sinners trying to be saints, or as saints who still sometimes fail? Is it my goal that something will get conquered or fixed, or that nothing will remain hidden? That one's huge...There are very few places where the value of no hiding is placed above getting the other person 'better.'"

"You see, nobody ever arrives. I certainly haven't. We just learn to depend and trust better. Eventually we can grow more mature and become better friends to others. We can learn how to love while learning to be loved. And we can learn how to offer protection in exchange for permission."

Ah, Papa! Raise up many "Andys," I pray! Ah, Papa! My heart so longs to see the power of your wholeness expressed through healthy community. Keep me tender, strongly gentle and humble before others that I may lead as a slave!

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

A Friend's Perspective on Grief

2011-05-19T17:25:00.005-06:00

I am having a hard time getting a regular time to write these days! And my travels of late mean that I will continue to be hit and miss for a while!

Today I want to share something that I have wanted to share for a while: another person's perspective on grief. Stacy is a young widow who lost her husband, Stan, to cancer about 2 1/2 years ago. I wrote about Stan's passing on January 30, 2009. You can read that entry in a new window by clicking here. It seems ironic to me that not that much later our family would be facing (and losing) a similar battle! But like me, Stacy has had Papa lead her through a process of healing and she has much to share. Recently, on the second anniversary of Stan's graduation to heaven, she wrote some wonderful words to folks about how to help those who are grieving. With her permission I share those words with you. Thanks, Stacy, for being my "guest blogger" today!

===============

If I were not a widow, I would have no idea what a person like myself would need or want or be experiencing. Seems a shame to make it to the other side of loving, caring for, and saying goodbye to your ill spouse and not share the nuggets of knowledge gained from such a thing. So it is with that heart that I include this list. If it helps you or someone you know, please accept it with love, deep compassion, and humility.

I. Actual grieving people do not resemble in ANY way movie grieving people. Ok, so I bear more than a striking resemblance to Catherine Zeta-Jones. I can't help that. I mean that my process, your process, his process does not make sense. It is not timely, efficient, orderly or pretty to look at. It is what it is. And it is that way for a reason. I don't know what the reason is. Maybe at the end I will but right now I just want coffee.

II. Do not give up on those who are grieving. After two years of countless unreturned phone calls, I have friends who will not give up. They are angels and dogged in their efforts of reaching out. Make clear you have no expectation of reciprocation - you are just trying to love on us. God shows his grace to us through others who are obedient. You are serving Him.

III. Apologies to Ms. Kubler-Ross, but sorting through a joined life, lost love, dashed hope, does not occur in a linear fashion. There are no boxes to be checked off so that the next step can be conquered. The grieving person is at the mercy of her own psyche. There is big work going on in my brain that I cannot fathom. Some days I resemble an inconsolable, screaming 3 year old (ahem), while others I am magnanimous and charitable and long-suffering. And then sometimes all of it happens in the span of twenty minutes.

IV. A widow or widower is now responsible for EVERYTHING. Finances, car maintenance, meal-planning, vacation planning, appliance repair, spiritual growth of yourself and kids, etc. Widows need people to occasionally descend on their houses to repair the whatever and carry the thingamajig. Widowers I would imagine need someone to clean bathrooms or the refrigerator, bring a Crockpot over and show them how to use it. The point is that the grieving person now has to outsource the practical duties of the missing spouse. This takes a BIG dose of humility. And coffee.

V. We are not fragile. Far, far from it. Ask us about our grief process. Ask us how it's different than we thought it would be. Ask us about the ways our spouse loved us, irritated us, sharpened us. Ask us if we're eating right, sleeping enough, whether we need more coffee, are we coping inappropriately. Do not avoid topics for fear of making us sad. We are already sad and it's not going away anytime soon. At least we can talk about it with you.

VI. We are just as confused by our actions and tendencies as you are. In fact, you may have a better idea of what we need, because we have been reduced to hoping for our own survival. Just start rattling off jobs you can do to see which one sticks. We are in a fog that will not abate. That is God's design so that our brains handle only what they are capable of in that moment.

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Thanks for "listening" to one who shares in a journey that I never expected either of us to experience! Stacy, your wisdom, written in your life and not just in words, is a blessing to many!

Tom, one of Abba's children

A Mother's Heritage

2011-05-06T09:00:00.003-06:00

"I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." (2 Timothy 1:5 NIV)

I don't often write my blog around themes related to holidays, but as Mother's Day approaches I have been reminded of the remarkable heritage for "God-hunger" that Papa placed in my life through my mother and both of my grandmothers. I realized today that I have spent my life surrounded by remarkable and godly mothers! Both of my grandmothers influenced my journey towards Jesus, and as you will see in a moment, my own mother (now with Jesus), in spite of a life filled with a lot of suffering, planted the things of God deeply in my heart. And my being surrounded with amazing mothers didn't stop there: Jettie was one of the most amazing mothers and grammies that I have ever seen. And I have two daughters-in-law who are also amazing. And now I find myself in relationship with another remarkable mother, the daughter of a remarkable mother and mother of a remarkable mother! Happy Mother's Day, amazing women of God!

My own mother's life story is a tribute to God's grace and human resiliency. Growing up poor, in an abusive home with an alcoholic father until she was about 13, she nonetheless had a remarkable walk with God which sustained her to the end of her life (she was an invalid in great pain the last 5 years of her life). And she passed this walk on to me, her oldest son, in ways that I am still unpacking--I am a blessed man!

So today, I want to share with you three of many poems that my mother wrote while here on earth. It will give you a glimpse into the "sincere faith" of Mary Ellen Wymore who passed that heritage of faith on to her children.

A CHILD’S LOVE

The love of a child is a wonderful thing,

To be cherished and nourished as a fragile

Flower.

It comes sweetly, naturally as God’s love

Comes—

It is freely given, asking only to be loved in

Return.

It is never deceiving or coy, always honest.

The joy it brings to pained or lonely hearts

Is equaled only by the joy of God’s love for

His children.

My daily prayer will always be—God make

Me worthy of any child that may love me.

Mary Ellen Wymore

A THANK YOU TO CHRISTIAN FRIENDS

Thank you, Lord, for friends who care,

Who share my grief and pains,

Who always lend a helping hand

When trouble seems to reign.

Thanks also, Lord, for friends who join

In the joys you’ve given me.

Through the days, months, and years

On life’s uncharted sea.

Thanks most of all for friends right here

Without them life would be devoid

Of lasting joy and sweet elation.

Mary Ellen Wymore

MY TESTIMONY

While lying my body wracked with pain

And a terrible grief fills my soul,

He comes to me quietly, sweetly, saying,

“Peace be with you my child.”

When ugly doubts creep in unannounced,

He whispers, “Be still and know that I am God.”

When sorrow bows my head and emptiness

Fills my heart,

His presence is there to bring solace to

My troubled soul and fill me with love.

When friends and family forsake me,

My God is there to pick up the pieces

Of my shattered being and mold them

Into something beautiful.

Jesus, My Jesus, how beautiful

Is your unfailing love and guidance

In my life. I shall praise you forever!

Mary Ellen Wymore

Happy Mother's Day, mighty woman of God, Mary Ellen Wymore!

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

A Time to Laugh

2011-04-29T08:18:00.011-06:00

"a time to weep and a time to laugh..." (Ecclesiastes 3:4). I think I have laughed more in the past month than in the previous 5 years! Laughter is back! And as I mentioned on April 19, it appears that Father has now led me out of the deepest parts of my mourning, having healed at least the bigger wounds in my broken heart. Today as promised I share some of the highlights of His healing work in the desire that they give hope to you or to someone you know.

As I begin, I remind you that everyone works through grief in her/his own way and some take a longer or shorter time than others. And with me there are several factors that may be contributing to a more rapid healing. First, I tend to process things deeply, with great emotion, and this obviously helps when working through sorrow. I am also one who has always embraced change quickly--this means that the huge changes thrust upon me by Jettie's death haven't traumatized me like they would some folks. Also, I have for a number of years been blessed with an incredible walk with Abba, and, even in the darkest times, the deep well of this life with Him has made it possible for me to hear His voice and sense His "strong right hand" holding onto me. I have also been blessed with many who love me and pray for me, and it is, I think, mostly through the prayers of the saints that I am still standing today! I also know that I have a call on my life that needs to be stepped into without unnecessary delay--thus I have told Papa often that I don't want to languish in sorrow if there's a way to embrace it and then move past it. I very much want to live the life He has for me so that others may benefit by knowing Him more deeply. I therefore want nothing to slow my journey into the future. Finally, over the years God has enabled me to store up a fairly large reservoir of Scripture in me so that even when was not emotionally ready to "read the Bible," its truths were still with/in me and therefore available to Holy Spirit to use to speak to me.

But having pointed out these factors, some of which may or may not be present in various ways in others, I still think I should share what God has done in me to move me towards healing so that you and others may be encouraged to believe that He will work similarly in you.

First and most importantly, this is something God has done! The other day I was remembering that in the story of Joseph (Genesis 37, 39-50) the author explains how Joseph got where he needed to be with the simple phrase, "but the LORD was with Joseph." And so as I write I am deeply aware that “the LORD was with Tom.” As I have noted in earlier entries, Papa's promise to lead me through the mourning process has been wonderfully kept! I cannot tell you how “present” Papa has been! "I AM with you" has taken on much deeper meaning because He has been speaking, leading, gently correcting, bringing others and their words at just the right time, etc. And the good news here is that this truth is for everyone. The same God who has guided me through this process will guide anyone who listens for His voice and surrenders to His leading!

Here, then, are some specific things He did that I think may encourage you and others you know.

He kept reminding me to listen, listen, listen to Him and to respond to what He was saying! Once the "time of tsunami" was done (the season where you are too stunned to do much of anything--about two months for me) He started speaking very clearly, urging me to listen and trust and do what He was saying. Sometimes that meant leaning into an emotional moment, other times it meant moving away from it. Sometimes that meant making some hard choices about letting go of something, other times it meant permission to treasure something and carry it into the future. The bottom line was for me simply to listen and respond. Too simple, eh? But it is that simple, yet as I have said many times, simple is best but not usually easy!
He led me to embrace reality. He showed me that there are two realities that I needed to embrace simultaneously: First, there was the reality of my loss and of the permanent change that came as a result. One example of how He did his is that He had me take off my wedding ring very early on. At first I wondered why He had me do that so early, but I quickly noticed that my feeling the "missing ring" was His gift of reality to me. Every time the odd sensation of the missing wedding band came, I was gently but clearly reminded that Jettie no longer lives here on earth and that my life has changed forever. And there have been many more ways in which He has had me embrace the "cold, hard reality" of loss. But far more important and more beautiful than this, He has led me to embrace the reality of Heaven! I wrote a little about this on April 19, but I want to elaborate a bit more on how this helps so much by citing two quotes from a remarkable book, Room of Marvels, by James Bryan Smith. "When we cry, 'Come back,' it is for our own sake. We never stop to consider whether their return, if it were possible, would be good for them. We want then back to restore our happiness. But in truth, we could not wish anything worse for them." (p. 56). "As Christians we know--or at least have heard--the glorious words of Christ and his people about their future life in the presence of God. But, frankly, few really believe them. To really believe them would mean acting straightforwardly and spontaneously as if they were true. It would require being confident that with every pore of our being that any friend of Jesus is far better off dead. It would be to rejoice, in the midst of our parting sorrows, over the indescribably greater well-being or our loved one who has moved on 'further up and further into' the greatness of God and his world." (Dallas Willard in an afterword on p. 187). To these quotes I add what Father said to me soon after Jettie's transfer to Heaven, "You don't have to grieve Jettie's suffering and pain because I have transformed them!" This word, given every time I tried to go to the places of trauma and pain, constantly pulled me back to the reality of Heaven, and I cannot overstate the power this has had in bringing me out of the valley of weeping!
Third, He brought many others into my life who shared my sorrow and gave counsel and encouragement as needed. Everyone says to those grieving, "Don’t journey alone," of course, but the truth is that there is a tendency to want to go off in a cave and lick our wounds. Yet God blessed me with many who gently pursued me, prayed for me, listened to me and spoke timely words to me. And along the way, I learned to lay hold of these gifts of grace when they came to me. One of the most powerful healing moments in my entire journey came through a passing remark by my friend, Tony, who simply noted his realization that Maxine's (his first wife) "assignment on earth was finished." Those words were taken by the Holy Spirit and transferred directly to my heart: "Tom, Jettie's assignment on earth was finished." And something remarkable happened in that moment that allowed me finally to release to God all my questions about "What else could I have done, Did I fail, etc." (Thanks, Tony, dear friend!). And there were many more timely words from many others, of course. And because God has called me to a listening posture, I think by His grace I have caught most of them, and in catching them my heart has been healed! Listening seems to be a real key here, eh?

Wow, this is a long blog entry! But I needed to get these things in place, I think. I offer them to you simply as an encouragement. As I said in the beginning, everyone's process is somewhat different, but I believe that God's grace in calling us to listen, respond, trust, embrace reality and invite others into our hurting places will help anyone who is in the valley of Baca (weeping--see Psalm 84:6).

Praying that Papa will draw you so close that you cannot miss His whisper...

Tom, one of Papa's little boys

On This Most Holy Day...

2011-04-22T10:08:00.002-06:00

I find myself filled with a sense of hushed awe today on this most sacred and amazing day. This day, above all other days, is the loudest and deepest "shout" of God's love for us. And I pause in wonder--"This is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for us." (1 John 4:10)

Because this is "Good Friday," I will defer until next week my reflections on how Papa has led me out of the darkest parts of mourning for Jettie. This day is too wonderful, too holy, in my opinion, to focus on anything besides the timeless demonstration of God's love for us we see in the cross. And so I offer a small reflection from my often upside down viewpoint.

I find myself today asking God to please help me go past all of the "religion" and assumptions that I carry in order to grasp in some new way the depth of His love for us/me. As I do this, I find myself wondering if I am sometimes too casual when I speak of "The blood." We sing about the blood, we "claim" the blood, we "pray the blood," etc., but I wonder if in doing so we don't forget at times what is behind the shedding of Jesus' blood. I wonder if at times I have thought of Jesus' blood as a "commodity" or as a "tool" rather than that which is most precious in all of the Universe because of what it cost God (Father, Son and Spirit!). Yet even in my wondering I choose not to go to a place of condemnation--that would deny the very thing that God paid so much to purchase for us: freedom from condemnation and the restoration of intimacy with Him! So instead I simply wonder, and in my wondering ask Papa to help me catch better than ever what is holy, what is good, and most of all, respond to His sacred embrace.

Lost in wonder and glad of it...

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Your Best Life, Later!

2011-04-19T13:29:00.005-06:00

I am late with this post, because I spent time in Houston last weekend and was not able to take the time to post on the blog. But I need to write just a wee bit, I think, about how important it is for followers of Jesus to remember that our "best life" always comes in eternity not in the present.

What triggered this is the remarkable way that Papa has taken me out of a time of intense mourning and placed me into a new season of joy and expectancy. "There is a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." (Ecc. 3:4). Evidently Papa decided my season of deep mourning needed to come to an end, because in light of some amazing graces of healing in my life a couple of weeks ago, I find that it's now quite hard to stay in "mourning mode." I will spend more time in this Friday's post describing how this happened because it will serve some of you, I think. But for today I want to highlight one of the most important keys for believers as they heal from the catastrophic loss of a loved one: the reality of Heaven.

The undeniable truth that Jettie is now "better off by far" because her life on earth ended with a direct transfer into God's presence and indescribable blessing is the one thing above all others that has enabled me to let go of loss and move into the future. Because I know that for believers the life that follows this one is infinitely superior to this present existence, it makes sense that "we do not grieve as those who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13). And so I have indeed moved past the sense of deep loss that was present for the first 6 months (I can hear the doubt in some of you as you read this, but it's really true! And I will explain more on Friday).

But knowing this is not just for those who have suffered the death of a loved one. For every follower of Jesus, this present life is not the best we will experience. Indeed, for a large percentage of believers around the world "your best life now" sounds rather odd as they suffer through persecution and other calamity. Our persecuted and poorer sisters and brothers already know that our best life always comes later, and that "your best life" is life lived not for self but for the One who redeemed you and called you into His purposes. ("In this world you will have trouble, but be encouraged! I have overcome the world!" John 16:33). And I find myself wondering how we would live if we all truly believed that our best life comes later... just wondering...

More later this week.

Reflecting on the realities of eternity...

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Evils of The "Christian Religion"

2011-04-08T16:26:00.005-06:00

"It's not a religion, it's a relationship!" This is the mantra that many Christians are taught to use in sharing their faith, and it's certainly true. But if it's true, what's up with the fact that most believers have only a very distant "relationship" with the One who lives inside of them and who has hidden them inside of Himself in Christ? (Colossians 3:3)?

I am not sure I can get even the big rocks in terms of answering this question, but I have been grieved in my spirit more than once lately by how evil it is to degrade the joyful, love-infused relationship with Abba into performance-driven, shame-based religion. The "Christian Religion" creates some of the meanest and saddest people I have ever seen! Why? First, because that's what religion in any form always does (can you think of any "religion" where joy is the chief characteristic of its adherents?). But I also think that twisting the grace-drenched, love-fired message of the Jesus life into a religion does some especially harmful damage to those who are the victims of the twisting. How else can we explain the cruel things "Christians" say to one another or do to others (the Koran burning folks come to mind, along with those who carry those hate-filled signs condemning those who struggle with homosexuality)?

You see, when we twist a message about love and grace into the shame-permeated life that religion is based on, we create mutants! We create a people who live in constant and monstrous inner tension, whose lips are often proclaiming words of grace and relationship while in reality their lives are driven by the demands placed on them by others who tell them what a "good Christian" does. ("What would Jesus do?"!!!) Ironically, most of these sad and despair-ridden "mutants" started out healthy. When they met Jesus their lives were filled with the joy of childlike trust and wonder that a relationship with Abba brings. But then someone "discipled" them and it went downhill from there...!

So what are we to do about this? I don't have many answers--not many at all--but here's a few things Papa has given me. First, He encourages me to live the most love-bathed, grace-filled, Spirit-drenched life imaginable! The joy and peace that this produces gives birth to a life that is such a paradox that it creates a question that often leads to an invitation. (My life is a paradox the leads to a question that may lead to an invitation!) Second, Papa sees to it that my paradoxical life (What?!!! A believer who really is peaceful, joyful and kind???!!!) leads to opportunities to pray for folks, to build relationships with those who become hungry, to suggest a few key books to read (Truefaced and Bo's Cafe, So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore, He Loves Me, The Shack, all come to mind), and more. The joy of the relationship with Him inevitably leads to joyful relationships with others. Third, because I am free from having to perform, all of this "just happens" as Father works and invites me to join Him from time to time. This is so fun! No wonder I often find myself saying joyfully, "I love my life!"

Not sure any of this makes sense. I am a still smarting today because one of my dearest friends just got slammed by a "practitioner of the Christian religion," but perhaps some of what I wrote will trigger something good in some of you. My hope is that my words will invite you deeper into Father's embrace and farther away from the "Christian religion."

May God deliver all of us from that evil religion, the "Christian Religion"!

Drowning in His love and not planning to come up for air!

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Does God Have a Prioritized List?

2011-04-02T14:46:00.004-06:00

I am feeling a nudge of late to write some thoughts about the Ultimate Reconciliation myth because so many who are opposing it are doing so in a way that prevents those who have been enamored by it from hearing them--think about that one for a minute. Now to give you a hint about my approach, my concerns about this strange teaching have more to do with how unloving and incompetent God ends up looking--how's that for a surprising approach? But I won't write until God's heart and thoughts have been more fully clear to me about this, so today I write about another lesser myth: the notion that God has a priority list in terms of helping us and blessing us.

This topic was triggered by words that came from my own mouth just a few minutes ago. I was lifting a personal need to Papa and heard myself saying, "I know there are others with far greater needs" (with the implication that their needs should therefore take priority over my lesser need. Papa quickly interrupted that thought by reminding me that any need of any of His creatures has first priority to Him ("His eyes is on the sparrow," remember???). That set me to thinking, of course, and here's a few thoughts as to why God can care equally (infinitely) about every need.

First, God doesn't need a priority list because He is infinitely loving and power. Infinite love is able to embrace the largest and deepest needs (He weeps with those who weeps and draws near to the broken-hearted, etc.). But because it is infinite, His love is at the same time to embrace the smallest need of the least of His creatures. We only have to prioritize things when we have limited resources. God is unlimited in both caring and ability, so everything can matter equally to Him.

Second, God doesn't need a prioritized list because He is all-knowing (omniscient) and present everywhere (omnipresent). We need prioritized lists because we cannot be everywhere at once and because we are limited in what we know to be important or true. Neither of these are issues for God! Knowing everything all at once and being everywhere all the time gives Papa the ability to care equally powerfully for everyone--no list needed in that case, eh?

This third one is a bit harder, at least for me. Sometimes when I look at the suffering around me I begin to shrink back from asking God for good things that don't seem so important in light of someone else's suffering. But once when I was thinking these thoughts, Papa pointed out to me that all the suffering around me doesn't change His nature. He is the infinitely and completely good Father, who wants to give good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:7-11) even while He enters into the suffering of those caught up in great pain (which He did and continues to do for my family and me during our painful journey!). You see, God's nature is to bless and bless and bless, so someone else's tragedy never defines His posture towards me or anyone else in any way except to bless (and I know now from personal experience that He is blessing greatly even in the midst of great sorrow and pain. Glory and honor to you forever, beloved and holy Father!).

But saying all of this about doesn't mean that He doesn't stretch us constantly to get past ourselves to a place of increasing God-focus and other-focus. If we never get beyond asking for a favored parking place we are a terribly stunted. Not that that's wrong, but if that's all you do you have missed the heart of God rather badly! (I ask for God to give the person behind me a favored space and I look for one farther away so that the prayer can be answered, but that's just me, I guess!) So God doesn't have a prioritized list for how He responds to need, and He will keep blessing and blessing to those who ask (says so right in the Bible!), but in His blessing He is also always inviting us to live out the life we have already been placed into (seated with Him in the heavenly realms, hidden in Him with Christ)--amazing!

I hope this is clear.

Grief, Grace, Gratitude and Generosity

2011-03-19T10:05:00.004-06:00

As my "tweet" and post on Facebook indicated today, I was ambushed again by grief this morning. But rather than give in to despair, I am choosing by God's grace to write a few more thoughts on grief and how God's grace supports us in it.

I have written before about how our subconscious self keeps track of things that end up popping into our conscious life as grief. For example, my birthday (April 9) will exactly mark the 6 month point of Jettie's departure, and I know that my subconscious self is already anticipating that. But I don't think that's what triggered things this time! I have also discovered that the tragedies of others, like the horrible tsunami in Japan and the battles many of those I love are facing, also open us up to fresh doses of grieving personal loss. I think that's a good thing for many reasons. First, my new awareness of deep loss now tenderizes me towards others who have experienced great loss. I grieve with those who grieve in a much deeper way now, and I trust that this means that my feeble longings I call prayer are deeper too. Second, the opening up of my emotions that allows fresh grief to surface is part of God's ongoing healing process of my grief. Better to experience and express my sense of loss in Father's presence than to ignore it only to have it pop up later as depression or something else. So even if I don't like the feelings that my compassionate heart experiences at the loss of others, I know I need to lean into them and allow Father to use them to bring healing not only to me but to others as well. That's a good thing, I think.

I am learning some others things about grief, too, that I will just throw out to the five of you who read my blog. :-) First, although at first grief is almost completely unmanageable (at least it was for me), as time progresses you do become able to "manage" grief to some extent. For example, now when something triggers sorrow, I am able to choose whether or not to lean into that sorrow or deal with it later (if that's what I sense God wanting to do). In other words, I am now at least to some extent able to choose when, how much and how, I am to mourn. That's more important than we may think since postponing mourning to a more appropriate time enables us to grieve more effectively and more deeply when the time is right. Choosing at God's leading to postpone mourning to a more effective time (and setting) may be part of a healthy grieving process. At least that's what I am discovering.

I am also learning how beautifully God showers us with His grace when the ambushes of sorrow come. I may, as I did this morning, weep and weep in His presence, but I am deeply aware that I am weeping within His embrace, and I am able to sense His leading as to where I should go with the sorrow. Furthermore, His fresh grace brings with it the ability for me to respond in two very important ways to that grace: gratitude for much and generosity to many. I have known for quite some time that the appropriate responses to grace are gratitude and generosity, but it's remarkable to be experiencing these two things in the context of anguished sorrow and see how they contribute not only to my healing but to the healing of others--amazing grace indeed! And I am also seeing how important gratitude and generosity are in preventing my grieving from degenerating into self-focus and self-pity. One cannot be grateful and generous and remain self-absorbed (and focus on self never, never leads to wholeness, in my opinion).

So that's my experience and my thoughts right now. In my grief--opened up this time by my sorrow for others--I again am experiencing God's grace, and His great grace is working itself out in my life as fresh gratitude and a renewed commitment to generosity.

Gratefully...

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Healing Context, Healing Power, Healing Community

2011-03-04T15:21:00.002-07:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about one of my favorite books, Bo's Cafe. I have written previously about this book, so I won't expound on its context except to remind you that it presents in a wonderful way the power of a healing community.

The reason I have been thinking so much about God's people as a healing community is twofold: 1) my own experience over the past several months of God's healing community through the people who have loved us/me so well through the terrible/wonderful journey my family has recently experienced; 2) the almost constant reminder of how many believers are "stuck" in their sin, brokenness, dysfunction--whatever--because of the need for a healing community added to God's healing power and the healing context of living loved and grace-embraced instead of performance based.

I am more convinced than ever that seeing people truly healed, delivered and brought to a measure of wholeness requires a holistic process that involves all three of these. In our current American/church culture there seems to be the notion that there is a microwave fix for long term sin issues and/or brokenness. That has led to many believers seeking one quick fix after another yet still mostly stuck, leading them to believe that they will never overcome ____ (you can fill in the blank: addiction to pornography, anger, homosexual desires, bitterness, etc). This in turn leads them to either a) feel like they are defective, b) believe that "this is as good as it gets in this life," c) hide their problems and put on a happy face, etc. None of these sounds like the wholeness we read about in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 comes readily to mind, along with a host of other passages).

But the wholeness that is held out as normative in the New Testament is available to us today, dear ones, if all the same factors are in place. I don't have time to elaborate much on this today, but in my admittedly still limited experience I have seen wholeness come when all three of the factors I mention in the title are present in a person's life for a sustained length of time. I will elaborate briefly on each one.

Healing Context: What I mean by this is the paradigm shift to a true understanding of the Good News that includes the revelation of Grace-based living, the increasing embrace of a loving Father and the rinsing of the mind from the performance-based, human effort approach that characterizes much of what passes for biblical Christianity. I and many others have written much about this, but I have yet to see anyone walk into real wholeness without "getting this." Until the person really grasps that God really does love him/her unconditionally and really has forgiven all their sins (past, present and future) so that s/he can always approach God with boldness and freedom, they simply cannot live the empowered life that transforms. Sigh...I wish I had time to write more on this but read Bo's Cafe, He Loves Me, The Shack, etc., if you haven't already.

Healing Power: This is the factor that is often not mentioned in evangelical circles that do seem to get the other two parts. But even a quick read of the New Testament reveals the presence supernatural expulsion of demons and the supernatural impartation of love and power as the normal Christian experience. Unfortunately, however, some who are reasonably effective in this area don't understand and practice the other two. Deliverance and inner healing alone, apart from the paradigm shift and healing community, doesn't always bring the desired freedom that practitioners often promise. (Hey, I am just being honest here!). On the other hand, loving someone without having power to deliver them won't work either! Nuff said for now.

Healing Community: I am convinced that beyond God's Word and Spirit, relationships are the most important factor in transformation and healing. Even the "paradigm changes" to living love require others to help us. And the encouragement, acceptance and prayerful support of others over the long haul is the only way I know to see long-entrenched behaviors overcome. Hence the need for Bo's Cafe communities all around us.

One final note here involves the need for time. I hinted at this earlier, but I want to underscore this again. A person who has been trapped in destructive thinking and behavior for decades is not usually set free from all of that in a moment. Examples abound: the woman who was shamed all of her life by her parents has a lifetime of shame to counteract; a 50 year old man who was sexually abused by a male friend at age 10 has a lifetime of broken thinking and actions to undo. Yes, God can and does heal this sort of stuff more quickly than it took for it to develop (thank heavens), but He loves us too much to do it instantly (most of the time at least). Yes, He loves us enough to want us to experience His grace over the long haul and His love in a loving community around us. So healing comes, but not usually all at once because of what we would lose if we were microwaved to wholeness (note I am not suggesting here that there shouldn't be major times of deliverance, etc. but that the entire journey may be extended longer than we like!).

Just my opinion here--all of it. And I am still pondering and still a mess part of the time from my grief. But I am convinced that at least these three key factors are all required for wholeness to become the normal experience for all believers. What do you think?

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Color Me Grateful

2011-02-27T12:47:00.005-07:00

I was surprised to see it, hanging there in the spaces of my heart, but there it was: gratitude! This past week I have been the sickest I can ever recall, being completely bedridden from fever and flu for several days, so I have had lots of time to ponder things in my "sabbath of sickness." What surprised me, though, was what I saw as I lay there: I found a garden of gratitude growing in my heart in the midst of the illness and sorrow of grief. I wouldn't have noticed it, except that I caught myself smiling a lot even while "hacking and coughing" my way out of the wilderness of illness. "That ain't normal!" I said to myself, so I turned aside to see what was feeding the smile and I found gratitude. Amazing! This is just as surprising to me as it would be to anyone else!

There are hundreds of flowers in this garden now, I suppose, but some of the ones I noticed first are listed here for the sake of illustration. The largest and most prominent flowers, of course, are related to my unending gratitude towards Papa for how He has prepared, sustained, held onto, pursued, patiently listened while I went through the past several months. I can see His fingerprints so clearly everywhere I look as I gaze into the past and glance around at the present. His "stubborn love" has chased me down so many times that I cannot begin to count them. His grace has flooded me with peace more times than I can ever enumerate. His people have reached out to me at just the right time innumerable times. No wonder, then that the fragrance of His faithfulness and love permeates every corner of this garden of gratitude.

But there are other flowers in this garden as well. I am truly grateful for the new understanding of and sensitivity towards singles that God has given to me through my newly single condition. My respect and esteem for single folks knows no end now, and I would not have gotten here without walking in their shoes, and I am grateful. The same thing, of course, is true for those who have suffered loss. I trust that I have always been somewhat compassionate in that regard, but there's something about experiencing deep loss oneself that opens the heart in new ways, and I am grateful for this new level of tenderness and pray that Papa will make me ever more tender even as He heals me over the months ahead. I am also increasingly grateful for 41 remarkable years of marriage to a truly amazing woman, for years of being so well cared for, so loved, so listened to and supported--I could go on but you get the picture. And I could list many more flowers in this garden--the list seems endless, but I will stop here.

So how did this garden grow? I don't know for sure. I do know that gratitude is a growing attitude of the heart, not so much something you do but something that flows from who you are becoming. But I did notice a few things in my journey that may help others. Please note, though, that these are not "oughts" and "shoulds," but just observations that may become an invitation to others.

The pattern of thankfulness. Long ago I heard Ron Mehl say that he started each day with noting at least one thing that he was thankful for. Something about that stuck with me, and from that day many year ago to this one I have always started my journaling with thanksgiving. Over the years I have added scriptures that help to foster this, but it's the pattern of beginning (and often ending) the day with a deliberate choice to thank God for specific things that has ingrained something in my heart. Perhaps that it why "give thanks" is an action we are commended to so often. Gratitude is indeed an attitude of the heart, but it appears to be supported by the deliberate choice to give thanks, looking for something good even in the darkest hour. Anyway, it's something I noticed when I looked at my life and may have something to do with the garden of gratitude that now grows in me.

Learning where I was looking for fulfillment. Over the years Papa has patiently and persistently shown me that much of my "looking" was not to Him. This is too long a subject to address here, but the point is that as I asked Him to show me where I was looking for purpose, security, fulfillment, etc., He was willing to answer. His invitation to trust in Him alone came then because He knows that anything other than Him will not lead to what I am looking for. Only He can satisfy, only relationship with Him can fulfill and sustain us, as we all know. But this sounds trite and artificial unless we take time to allow Him to show us where our trust and affection really go when we let them have their way. Father is more than willing to show us and then also gently lead us to Himself if we ask Him. It wasn't surprising, then, for me to discover during this long and often painful journey that Father had been preparing me all along for "such a time as this" so that I found my heart running to Him almost instinctively, almost all of the time. Yes, there were times when I was angry, afraid, confused, defeated, etc., but it was hard to stay that way while aware of His Presence! And this feeds the flowers of gratitude in many ways, of course.

The Community around me. Those around us can either encourage or drain gratitude. If most of the folks around you simply commiserate with you, you will find it hard to be grateful. On the other hand, if most of the folks around us comfort us with well meaning but empty words, that doesn’t help either (just makes us aggravated, eh?). But if we are surrounded by folks who know when to be still and just let us vent, when to “hold us” and when to gently but firmly lead us to a different perspective (God’s perspective) then gratitude becomes more and more natural. I am completely surrounded by such a community (and I am grateful)! My prayer is that Papa gives you a community like this as well. (I did notice that it helps to initiate these qualities oneself!).

Childlikeness. Living in wonder, aware of and thankful for the small things in the moment, clinging wildly to Papa when we can do nothing other than cling and collapse, helps too, I think. I could write more but this puppy is too long already!

Surrender. I have written much about this, of course, and you know by now that surrender is surrender to God's goodness, not resignation to circumstances. The point here, though, is that gratitude grows best in surrendered soil. As long as I grasp for control and demand understanding I am blinded to the very things for which I can be grateful. My vision clears as I live in increasing abandonment to the One who is Good. Nuff said...

Gratefully,

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Amazing Power of Encouragement

2011-02-19T09:55:00.002-07:00

Arthur Gordon in his book, A Touch of Wonder, tells an intriguing true story that wonderfully illustrates the power of encouragement. Since the book is still packed away, I will have to trust my memory and count on your forbearance if I miss a detail or two!

The story: In the early 20th century, a group of gifted male journalism students at at a major midwestern university banded together to improve their journalism skills. Their philosophy was to hone one another to perfection by ruthlessly critiquing one another's work. To that end, they called themselves "The Stranglers." At this same time, a number of equally capable women journalism students also formed a club to improve their literary skills, but they chose encouragement as the basis of their approach, seeking to draw out one another's strengths and critiquing only what was absolutely necessary. The called themselves, for whatever reason, "The Wranglers." Now it came to pass that several years later one their classmates did some research on the successfulness of his fellow students. His findings about the journalism students was stunning. Whereas none of the men in "The Stranglers" ever achieved any real success in the journalism field, several of the women had achieved national notoriety and some even international acknowledgement. Coincidence? Somehow I doubt it!

I love this story and haven't found many that illustrate any better the importance and power of encouragement. Perhaps the sheer power of encouragement is why the Holy Spirit is called "The Encourager," (a plausible translation for "Comforter" or "Advocate") in John's Gospel. Perhaps, too, that's why Spirit-breathed prophecy is described as for the purpose of "strengthening, encouragement and comfort."

But some of what passes for encouragement in our culture today is, in my opinion, not really encouragement. Rather it is more along the lines of “feel good” niceties that the person him/herself often doesn’t believe. “It will all turn out okay,” they say, or perhaps even quote some scripture without real conviction in an attempt to make the other person "feel better." But encouragement, although it may touch the emotions, isn't primarily about feeling better, it's about "living better," living more courageously.

Encouragement then is about supporting another person by giving her/him courage. And courage isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision to do what is wise, good and right, often in the face of feeling afraid. Fear is a feeling, courage is a choice.

So to encourage someone is to give strength to their “chooser” (the heart). Many times it may indeed cause the person to feel better, but that’s not its real purpose. The goal isn’t for the other person just to feel better (feelings are fickle) but to strengthen the core beliefs, values, will, etc. of the other person so that s/he will live courageously and with confidence in God's nature and Word.

Encouragement therefore must be built on truth and given with conviction to be truly effective. This means that when we say something to encourage another person we speak it from a place of deep conviction and assurance. We may indeed point out strengths in the person or point to hopeful things in their situation but we will find our words far more effective if what we say is really true. And because even Scripture can be given without conviction (or even used mindlessly so that crushes rather than strengthens), we will do well to be sure we really believe the passage we are sharing and that we really can see how it will work out in the other person's life (at least to some extent).

But having said all of this, I don't want anyone to be discouraged from being an encourager! It's really not that hard for God to take our hearts and help us to focus on strengths, on truth, rather than feel good words, especially if we keep in mind the real purpose of encouragement (to put courage into the other person). And since God is the God of all encouragement (a better translation of 2 Corinthians 1:3b), and His Spirit is "The Encourager" and lives in us, I think the yielded and tender-hearted person will find amazing opportunities to "speak truth in love" and see the power of encouragement released on the people around them.

Longing to learn to give courage!

Tom, one of Abba's little children

The Proverbs 31 Man

2011-02-11T09:28:00.004-07:00

No, this title is not a typo. Many of you have heard references to a “Proverbs 31 woman” more than once (often in Mother’s Day sermons for those of us who are or used to be church-goers), but I am writing today about the Proverbs 31 man. Yesterday, in a coaching conversation with two P31 women, something was triggered in me that led to my sensing a need to address the importance of us men becoming P31 men. During the conversation, Judi (thanks, Judi!) mentioned how God had shown her the importance of the husband’s role in the formation of a P31 woman (see Proverbs 31:28-29). That immediately set off all kinds of thoughts in me! One of my deepest convictions is the importance of others in helping us reach our God-intended potential. This means that P31 women reach their fullest potential when the men around them are P31 men.

None of us can becomes all that God intends, or realize our identity and destiny, in a relational vacuum. A P31 woman becomes so in community, a P31 man becomes so in community. For those called to marriage, God wants this to happen through the marriage relationship, augmented by a supportive community around the couple and their family. For those called to be single (or single for a season because of circumstances) there is still a need, in my opinion, for a caring community of both men and women to help women and men "flourish into" their destiny. So I write today to the men about the qualities of a P31 man. Please note, though, that this isn’t a “to-do” list but an invitation for you as a man to begin a dialogue with God about how He wants to lead you into growth as a P31 man. Note also, ladies, that the same qualities will work for you in your relationships as well.

Here are some of my discoveries as I looked more carefully at Proverbs 31. (You will probably want your Bible open to Proverbs 31 as you read this).

First was the rather surprising discovery that this entire chapter is really the sayings of the mother of a man we know only as King Lemuel! That King Lemuel dared to quote a woman, even his mother, is truly remarkable given the general disdain for women in OT times, and it leads to my first observation about a P31 man: A P31 man has great respect for women. He may have learned this respect from his mother--that is probably God's intention--but God has other ways for men to learn to respect women (I wish I could take time to elaborate on this one!).

So to my men friends I say, “If you struggle to respect your wife or perhaps women in general, then get healed, my friend!” Over the years I have observed that healthy, truly strong men are never threatened by strong and capable women, even women who are overly aggressive because of their being repressed and disrespected by men. I have also discovered that insecure and broken men are almost always threatened by strong women, healthy or not-so-healthy. Dear friends, respecting others is so very important to our becoming a community of healthy Jesus follower! You can only help bring healing to a broken woman or man if you are able to affirm their strengths while helping them address their brokenness. Many men try to “fix” broken yet strong women by crushing their strengths, by crushing everything about the woman. This is obviously harmful, not helpful, and comes out of the man’s fear no matter how much he quotes some supposedly biblical principle (you get my point, I think). Can you tell I am passionate about this one? :-)

So, husbands, if your wife’s quest for her destiny threatens you, please get help! God knows how to blend the destinies of a man and a woman, and you will not reach yours while thwarting hers and she obviously won't reach hers if you are obstructing it because of weakness and fear. So, brothers, whether your wife is called to be a strong and visible "Deborah" (Judges 4-5) or an equally strong but behind-the-scenes Dorcas (or Tabitha, see Acts 9:36-41), know that a P31 man will do all in his power to help her become who she is God-created to be!

My second observation about a P31 man is that men can be a P31 man throughout every stage in his life and can be present in every role a man might possibly fulfill: son, husband, father, etc. We see this in verses 28-29 where we read of the children blessing their mother along with her husband. What we see here, then, is a father and husband modeling the character and actions of a P31 man to his children, so that his sons are taught by example to bless, release and encourage the women in their lives. P31 men start out as P31 sons, and that means that parents can begin to groom their sons in this P31 life long before the sons become husbands and fathers. So a P31 man who is a husband and father is intentionally contagious :-), seeking to infect not only his children but those in the community around him with his healthy attitude towards women.

I found a third observation in verse 23: "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes a seat among the elders of the land. This speaks of moral character and wisdom, noticeable by the community around the man. A P31 man has prioritized character above achievement, wisdom above success, others above his own aspirations--I could go on, but you get the picture. (As you know, the Bible always places character and relationships above achievement or gifting.)

Finally, I have hinted at my fourth observation: a P31 man knows the power of encouragement and release in helping others achieve their destiny. (see verses 28-29). From the place of His own wholeness, the P31 man chooses encouragement and release as two of his primary "tools" for facilitating maturity in those around him. I could write a lot about this, but I trust you already the importance of genuine encouragement for helping people grow. (Perhaps I will write next week on the power of encouragement, just in case!). And as for the power of release, I know that this is a rare quality ("control" seems to be worshiped even in the Christian community), but I have never met anyone who achieved maturity by being controlled rather than released. Sigh...I could write more about this, too, but maybe later. This is already a long entry.

So there you have it: random thoughts on the qualities of a P31 man. I have written this as a sort of Valentine's Day gift to women, I guess. My beloved Jettie is now in heaven, so I think it's okay to give a gift to others. And I write this most of all as an honor to her. She was truly (little thanks to me) a Proverbs 31 woman (a Tabitha, not a Deborah) and it was her strengthening me and patience with me that enabled me to see the little I do see about becoming a P31 man.

Pressing in to Papa with hope of becoming...

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

Standing in the Smoking Rubble

2011-02-05T09:43:00.003-07:00

Jeremiah stood in dazed shock as he gazed upon the smoking ruins of his beloved Jerusalem. Even knowing ahead of time what was surely coming to this wicked city could not prepare him for the trauma of actually experiencing it. And on top of this great loss the few survivors continued to mock and reject him and his message.

Jeremiah's great pain was compounded by his limited understanding of God's character and nature (yes, he was captive to his time and culture). Thus his lament in Lamentations 3:1 ff is one of anger against God because his understanding of God left him believing that God caused everything in life, and his life had been filled with failure, rejection and loss. So we read some really angry words about God in this lament: "He has dragged me off the path and torn me in pieces, leaving me helpless and devastated. He has drawn his bow and made me the target for his arrows. He shot his arrows deep into my heart. My own people laugh at me. All day long they sing their mocking songs. He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink. He has made me chew on gravel. He has rolled me in the dust." (Lamentations 3:11-16 NLT) Wow! This man was angry, and his anger flowed out in angry accusations against the God who had called him to his admittedly rather miserable life! (Jeremiah's frankly expressed anger should make some of us feel not so bad at our secret outbursts of anger at God as we perceive Him).

It is Jeremiah's anger, rooted in a misunderstanding of God's nature, that makes the "rest of the story" so remarkable. Here in the smoking rubble of Jeremiah's circumstances and lament, we read a brilliant statement of reconciliation to the God Jeremiah did not understand but nonetheless still trusted. Many believers are quite familiar with the words in Lamentations 3:21-26. After Jeremiah describes more of his bitter state ("Everything I had hoped for from the LORD is lost! ...I will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss." vv. 18b, 20), he breaks into the following remarkably hope-filled song.

Yet still I dare to hope when I remember this:

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh every morning.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in him!"

The LORD is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.

So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.

I read these words this week, led by Holy Spirit to do so, I trust, as I stood again in the smoking rubble of my life, trying to understand not only my own recent loss and failure to lay hold of healing for Jettie but wrestling as well with the struggles of many others whom I love. As I read these words I found many parallels to what I was feeling, yet I also rejoiced in knowing that God has now revealed Himself more completely to us through Jesus so that we know He is not the cause of evil. Knowing that God in His grace is far kinder than the God Jeremiah perceived, made it easier for me to once again give up my need to understand (a subtle form of the need to control) and settle once again into waiting for God's kindness to be revealed (it's always present, but we often cannot see it, so now I wait for my vision to be cleared by His grace!).

Perhaps some of you, like Jeremiah, have wondered if God was against you. Nothing is further from the truth, of course (Romans 8:31 comes to mind), but our misperceptions about God in the midst of painful circumstances can me it feel like that! My prayer for you and me, though, is that the brilliant breakthrough that the angry and bitter Jeremiah experienced will shine in our hearts even more brightly than it did for this brokenhearted prophet. God is good, all the time. His kindness never ceases, His mercies are refreshed every morning, and even when we rail against Him, He refuses to stop pursuing us with goodness and love. I thank God for this prophet!

Oh, Papa God! How truly amazing you are! Even as I stand in the rubble, smoke clouding my vision, your brilliant goodness gives hope. How can I not hear your invitation to trust you and wait quietly for the goodness that is yet to come?!!

Tom, one of Abba's little boys.

When Things Go Awry

2011-01-29T18:45:00.005-07:00

It was not an entirely good day for me today, and I will probably ramble in this blog, but I sensed that God wanted me to write anyway.

I lost my "peace" today, and the result was not pretty! I pinched my left index finger with some pliers I was using (big blood blister), I lost my temper more than once, at one point even consigning a washing machine to perdition, and generally went blustering about most of the afternoon and evening as I continued to try to get my new house fully habitable.

But in the midst of all my blustering God was remarkably close, and I knew it. How can that be? I was filled with anxiety and that led to my anger, etc. Isn't anxiety a sin? Doesn't God withdraw from us when we sin? If you are thinking that way then you don't yet get the good part of the Good News, my friend. :-)

Hmmm, where to start... Okay, let's start with anxiety/fear. I know that it came because at some point today I subtly but consciously made a decision to seize control of my life. I also know that it was partly due to the grief that hovers under the surface, ready to pounce on me at unpredictable times in unpredictable ways (especially today perhaps since it's a Saturday, the day that Jettie died). I also know that I am tired from traveling, fighting off a cold, etc. And so I got in quite a tizzy today as things piled up on me. But God was close at hand, even in my fear and anger. Yup, He lives right inside of me, folks, and He doesn't take a vacation when I lose my cool or take control of my life. And like any good Father or loving Friend, He enters into the painful things that cause my angst, waiting for me to calm down, slow down, come to my senses so that I will pause and listen and let His pursuing love catch me.

But isn't anxiety a form of unbelief and isn't unbelief a sin? Yes and no. Yes, our fears come upon us because we haven't yet fully learned to trust God, and yes, Father is always inviting us to live closer to Him so that we don't get afraid. But to categorize that kind of fear as sin misses the point of the relationship God desires with us. God wants you back when you turn from Him and do your own thing because of fear. He's already taken care of sin so that He can have you back the moment you turn around (and remember, He never really "leaves" since He lives inside you by His Spirit!)

I haven't found it helpful, when anxiety is great within me, to focus on my failures or add the worry about sinning to my other worries! Besides, all of our sins (past, present and future) have been forgiven already so that our way to Father's heart is always open. (Confession is important, so don't panic and start quoting 1 John 1:9! But confession is for our benefit--to remove the relational separation we experience because of our sin.)

So Papa was close to me all day today, even in my fuming and fussing (and even in my swearing!). Yes, He desires better for me, and I will walk in that more and more as I live in His love and learn to respond more quickly to His overtures the next time I get all wound up.

"when anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:19 (Not "you told me I was sinning and to knock it off!")

I'm just saying...

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

How Did Jesus Learn?

2011-01-22T09:16:00.004-07:00

The little boy ran to his father's workshop, tears streaming down his face as he held the tiny bird in his trembling hand, "Daddy, the little sparrow died! Daddy, it hurts. Why did it have to die?"

The father paused in his work and gathered the little boy into his arms. "I know you are sad, little one, and I am sad with you. But God caught the little sparrow when it fell, little one, and He will catch your tears and help you not to be sad anymore. Why don't you ask Him what He wants to say to you about this?"

The little boy stayed for a while in his daddy's embrace before he answered, "Thank you, Daddy! I feel so safe in your arms. I was afraid, Daddy, and sad, but I am safe in your arms. And I think I will ask Abba what He wants to say to me, too."

Later, as the child was alone, He stilled His heart and said to His Abba, "Daddy, the little sparrow died! Daddy, it hurts. Why did it have to die?" And His Abba answered Him, "I know you are sad, little one, and I am sad with you. But I caught this little sparrow when it fell, and not a single little creature is ever forgotten by me. Don't be afraid, little one."

Years passed, and the time came when the child, now much older, stood by the lifeless body of His daddy. Through his tears, He heard His Abba's words, "I know you are sad, little one, and I am sad with you. But I caught your daddy when he fell, and He is with me now forever. Don't be afraid, little one. I will catch your tears, and I never forget those I love."

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Luke 12:6-7 NIV)

How did Jesus learn the remarkable truths that He shared with such absolute confidence? How did He learn that His Abba noticed even the death of a sparrow? How did He learn that His Abba would always provide for us? We sometimes forget that He learned these things the same way you and I get to learn them: by living life with Abba!

I wonder if Jesus knew that His Father cared about the death of a sparrow because of an event in His childhood similar to the one I just described. I wonder if He knew about Father’s provision because of all His years as a carpenter, learning by experience to trust that what God's word said about His Abba's faithfulness was true. I wonder if He knew about Father’s compassion for the sick because of conversations He had with His Abba during the years He wasn’t yet released to heal the sick and felt His heart breaking as He watched people succumb to the devil's attacks. Yes, I think that is the case. In fact, I am sure of it. God's word gave the foundation and language for truth, but Jesus learned about His Abba's heart and nature (the truth) by going through life in Abba's embrace, experiencing truth rather than just recognizing it as fact.

Why is this important to you and me? Because we learn the same way--that will never change. Because learning these kinds of life lessons, although aided by instruction, requires time living "loved and listening." Jesus was tempted to worry, just like we are. Jesus was afraid and tempted to question His Father's care, just like we are (Hebrews 4:15). But it was His ongoing experience of His Father's character that led Him to the perfect trust that kept Him without sin.

Trying to live by principles and instruction without the experience and time with Abba just doesn’t work (for many reasons!), yet many western Christians seem to think that instruction alone (or instruction plus good feelings) will change them. Jesus never intended for His teaching to be sufficient in and of itself, but rather intended for it to bring His hearers closer to His Father. Instruction provides the foundation and the framework for us to recognize and understand who God is (and sometimes what He is doing) but it cannot replace our experiencing who God is as we live out our lives with Him. Even in ordinary life this is how it works. Someone may say to us that they can be trusted or that they are capable, but we don’t really know that it's true--we don't really know them--until we see them live it out, as we experience over time the truth of what they say. Think about this, and I am sure you will not only "get it" but also hear Papa speaking to you about what this means to you.

For me, what it means is that John 1:18 takes on new meaning to me now. Jesus "lived in the Father’s lap" (a literal translation) continuously while He was here on earth, and it was in the Father's embrace that He learned the truths that He so confidently taught others. We can do the same--indeed, I am convinced that it's the only way really to "learn."

Leaning into Father’s embrace,

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Written Law Kills...

2011-01-13T09:43:00.005-07:00

"The written law kills, but the Spirit gives life." (2 Corinthians 3:6, NIRV)

Many years ago, my sister was part of a women's Bible study composed of both long-time and new believers. One day one of the new believers, a fairly young woman, I think, shared with the group that she was in a very (physically) abusive marriage and asked for the counsel of the group about what God had to say about her situation. From what I recall of the story, at least some in the group told her that she needed to "submit" to her husband and trust God to give her grace, etc. My heart breaks even 30+ years later as I finish this story: the young woman went home so depressed that she took her own life. "The written law kills..." I have yet to hear another story that better illustrates how true Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 3:6 are!

I still cannot think of this story without grief and anger. No wonder the Apostle Paul was so vehement in his attack on legalism and so vigorous in his defense of the Gospel of grace! And we all know that this story, although extreme, represents all of the kinds of death that living by the law always brings, even when advocated by sincere people. "The written law kills..."

So how can we avoid falling into the trap of legalistic thinking? And how can we avoid falling off the other side into "cheap grace"? Goodness, those questions are way too big to be answered in one little blog entry! Indeed, much of my early writing in this blog (about intimacy and living loved) is part of the longer answer to this question. So today I simply want to throw out a few simple thoughts about how to approach scripture and not end up in death-dealing legalism.

In a nutshell, any interpretation of scripture that violates the character of God as revealed in other places should be suspect. Biblical passages are always understood in context, and the largest context of all is the nature and character of God as revealed throughout the entire Bible and especially in Jesus. (Remember, the Bible is not a rule book or book of principles but a revelation of God's character as seen most often in the stories of His interaction with people).

As a specific example of how this approach works, let's go back to my sister's tragic story. First Corinthians 13:4-7 reveals God’s character (God is love), and one of the phrases there says “Love (God) is kind.” Is it kind to tell an abused woman, “Submit to the abuse, live in this relationship, or if you sever it, you can never marry again!”? Good grief! Does this sound kind to you? Yes, there is suffering in this life, but nowhere in Scripture are we told to deliberately expose ourselves to pain that we can avoid. When it is unavoidable we can be assured of His grace to endure (I think of Paul's and Peter’s words to slaves, etc.), but if there is a way to escape, it’s healthy and “biblical” to escape it. Remember, God’s preferred method of changing us is kindness, not pain. When pain is unavoidable because we live in a fallen world, God will give grace and even use that pain, but we should never think that He needs pain to mature us nor that we need to help Him out by seeking out pain! Any good parent understands this! Discipline is the necessary but less preferred approach to maturing our children. And we are imperfect parents at best, yet we know this.

How this principle of interpretation plays out in my life is not subjective, however. People can go down strange paths when they use their "feelings" about what God is like to interpret Scripture! So how this works in my life is that when I run across something that seems at odds with the larger context of God's nature, I stop and ask Him, "What am I missing here?" Often His response is to tell me to check my assumptions and also check out the other contexts of the passage, especially the original context in which the passage was given. Interestingly enough, when we do this regarding an abusive marriage, a very strong case can be made for divorce as a discipline for an unrepentant abuser. This to me sounds much more like the heart of a gracious Father. (Before you get all nervous or upset about this statement, check out the compelling research of Dr. David Instone-Brewer, Divorce and Remarriage in the Church. The author explores the texts usually used to condemn women to staying in abusive situations in light of the cultural and theological context of the original hearers of the New Testament. His discoveries and conclusions may surprise you.) Please note that I am not devaluing marriage or suggesting that we don't attempt reconciliation. I am talking about situations where repentance is not forthcoming (defining repentance here as something lived out and not just talked about) and where the abuse is continuing.

"The written law kills, but the Spirit gives life." Freedom from the Law is scary, isn't it? In some ways, it's far easier to live only by principles rather than under the gentle but compelling leadership of Holy Spirit. But life is not found in laws or principles, life is found in living loved and surrendered to, and saturated with, God's Spirit. And when we live in that manner, grace is not scary nor is it cheap. Rather we see life springing up where death once reigned. I choose life!

Treasuring His word (with humility, I trust),

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

The Freedom of Simplicity

2011-01-09T16:27:00.002-07:00

Many years ago Richard Foster wrote a book entitled, The Freedom of Simplicity, and I have borrowed his book title for this week's blog.

I have continued to learn lessons as God has led me through my grief (today marks 3 months to the day that Jettie graduated), but I am weary of writing about me, and I have found that I am at last able to think fairly clearly again and wanted to share from my heart about something I think is becoming increasingly important for believers as our world heads towards economic collapse: the freedom of living simply.

But first, for those who want a really good article on grief (triggered by the loss of a family pet), check out a recent blog by Wayne Jacobsen by clicking here. And for a great article by my friend, Steve Hill, about the primary place of relationships (not theological boxes), click here.

The apostle Paul, writing towards the end of his life, writes some amazing words about the freedom he had discovered in living simply. In Philippians 4:11b-13 he says, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

I could write a lot about this passage, but today I just want to point out that Paul's ability to live content in any circumstance stands in sharp contrast to what many of God's people today. Many believers I know are looking at the increasing signs of financial collapse in our world with the same kind of fear as those who don't know the Lord. Others are "stockpiling" and "hedging" so that they can be okay even when collapse happens (few with this mentality seem to be stockpiling so that they will be able to share with others--hmmmm.) Others are teaching that no matter what happens God will be sure that His people will be financially prosperous (something I find hard to believe since even in the present circumstances that isn't the case, and many who are prosperous seem unaware of how to live generously).

What's up with this fear and/or self-orientation? Paul's words tell us that it is possible to learn to live contentedly regardless of whether one has abundance or barely enough. But what is it we have to learn? Paul tells us, doesn't he? Earlier in this same letter he had told the Philippians what the simple focus of His life was, the "one thing" that formed the center of everything in His life: "I want to know Christ..." (Philippians 3:10a), something that is echoed in 4:13 where Paul's ability to be content grows from the strength He finds through Jesus.

So how does this relate to the phrase, "the freedom of simplicity"? Just that the inner simplicity of making relationship with God the one pursuit of life (rather than pursuing financial security or any other distracting thing) brings with it freedom from less important things, things that Father has promised to care for anyway. And growth in truly knowing Father, Son and Holy Spirit, always brings growth in childlike trust. The more you know Him, the more you will trust Him, period! And trust, of course, is the secret to living without fear regardless of circumstances.

But I will be the first to admit that I am not there yet, not where Paul was when he wrote these words. But I derive hope from the fact that this was written towards the end of Paul's life and he says, "I have learned." This means that living life itself, as it's lived out in relationship with Jesus, will bring us to increased simplicity and therefore increased freedom from fear/anxiety. Or at least that's what I think :-)

I could write more, but I close with my own prayer to Father, "Papa, please help me to simplify my inner life, so that my outer life may also reflect increasing simplicity and the winsome peace that it brings. May my increasing simplicity in every area of life be a compelling invitation to those around me to consider life simply lived in you!"

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

I Love My Life!

2010-12-31T09:19:00.006-07:00

The words slipped out before I realized what I was saying! I was talking to one of my dear friends this past Wednesday, and I heard myself saying, "I love my life!" And I almost wept...and I did weep later as I thought of it. Why?

Because that phrase used to be one that I used a lot, and I meant every word of it. But the events of this past 18 months stole that phrase from my vocabulary. Instead, more than once I heard myself saying just the opposite: "I hate my life!" (and I meant every word of that at the time, too!). So when "I love my life" spontaneously slipped from my lips this week, I knew that it was more than just a chance occurrence. Papa was wanting me to know that He has been healing some really deep wounds in me (duh!!).

I don't want to focus on me regarding this, though. Rather I want to thank God for holding onto my family and me so tightly over these past few months, holding onto me when I couldn't even think clearly enough to want to hold onto Him. And I want to thank Him for "shouting in our pain" over and over until we heard His voice in the storm. And I want to thank Him for surrounding me with so many loving friends that I won't know until Heaven how rich I truly am. And I want to thank Him for setting me free from the need to understand, replacing it with a renewed hunger just to be His little child. As I wrote to Papa in my journal yesterday, "it has been your patient wooing, healing and loving on me that have brought me to true understanding of intimacy with you again—thank you."

And so it is, with my future not really any clearer than it was a few days ago, I face this next year with hope and yes, even joy. I am still grieving, and I will for a long time to come, but I now grieve with clarity about Papa and His love that I didn't have before, and I will choose to step into His embrace when it gets dark the next time.

Romans 11:33-36 seems like a good way to end this note and this year:

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! 34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?”35 “Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?”36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.

My prayer for you, all of you and each of you, is that you too will be able to say, "I love my life!" Yes, there will be times when those words may be squeezed into silence for a while, but may the overall theme for all of Abba's children be permeated with this phrase.

I love my life (His life for me and in me),

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

"As for me, I will always have hope."

2010-12-24T11:38:00.006-07:00

It started yesterday morning in yet another typically distracted time with Papa. I finally realized two very important things: first, that my greatest loss during this past season wasn't my beloved Jettie but the disruption of the amazing intimacy with Papa that He had brought me to over the past few years; second, that He is inviting me back into that intimacy right now, and I don't have to wait any longer to start that journey. And what better time than now in this season of wonder and marvel? In my typically transparent way I paste some of yesterday's entry. Don't be concerned about how bleak it sounds in places--the story gets better.

Papa, the other part of this, of course, is that if I look anywhere but to you for what only you can supply I am short-circuiting your plan for me (or delaying it, at least). Yet as always, I don’t want to view our relationship as a duty, so please, Papa, draw me close to you and woo me away from things that don’t matter. Ora Rowan’s hymn again comes to mind.

Ah, Father! I go back to find the first Ora Rowan entry for this year and it’s from May 16, and I weep and weep. So much loss, Father! Yet what I was mostly writing about there was intimacy with you, and I know all of it’s still true. I just don’t know how to get back to where I was because I am so stuck in grief, so lost, Papa. I know you know where I am, but I don’t seem to know where I am. Yes, Father, as I re-read the entry for that date, I see how lost I am. My failure to lay hold of healing has left me bereft of any ability to get back to that place. When Jettie died, everything seems to have died with her…

Yet I will always have hope. And I see now more clearly than ever how I have substituted human relationships for intimacy with you. Yet how can I change all this? I am miserable and feeling so lost so much of the time. How do I ask, how do I posture myself, to be so inundated by your love that you really do become “all I need”? And what do I do with all this grief?????

Father, my greatest loss in all of this is the journey itself, I think. But I know you are holding onto me, and I trust that at some point this whole thing will indeed result in my being “deeper.” But right now, as you know, I am a mess, and the surrendered/saturated life seems impossibly far from me. And so I wait, still painfully easy to distract, still smarting from my loss.

That was yesterday's entry, and I must admit that nothing changed noticeably throughout the day, excerpt perhaps the "grief of the season" got deeper. But in the back of my mind (deep in my spirit?) God planted a two-part seed from the morning, the quote from Psalm 71:14 ("I will always have hope.") and two of the stanzas from Ora Rowan's hymn:

What has stripped the seeming beauty
From the idols of the earth?
Not a sense of right or duty,
But the sight of peerless (matchless) worth.

Not the crushing of those idols,
With its bitter void (emptiness) and smart (pain);
But the beaming of His beauty,
The unveiling of His heart.

And light began to dawn on me in a way that I haven't experienced since Jettie's passing: there is nothing, not even my deep grief, that hinders my re-engaging the journey of intimacy with Papa. I know this is a no-brainer, but for some reason the painful journey had caused me to lose sight of the obvious (my guess is that this was due to my loss of trust in Abba because things didn't turn out how I thought they should--but that's a subject for another time). So it is that this morning with blinding clarity, I saw the way back to Father's embrace (which has never left me--His arms have always been around me, of course), and this morning's entry ended with a new commitment to the Psalm 27:4 life God calls all of us to. In short, I see His beauty again, and it compels me to His embrace and steadies me in my grief.

What makes this rather remarkable in some ways is that, according to experts on grieving, just the opposite should be happening. Christmas is supposed to trigger the worst sense of loss for those who lose loved ones. Perhaps because so many are praying, perhaps because the wonder of the season is so undeniably present--I don't really know--but for me, "I will always have hope." And another of my favorite passages now rises up before me, expressing the now reawakened longing of my heart: "Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you." (Isaiah 26:8-9a) And so the beauty of His love, the kindness of His face invites me closer, back to His heart with the promise of even deeper love because of my brokenness!

I have written in this transparent manner not because I want this blog to be focused on me, but because I sense that there are others whose "loss" has left them in a fog, obscuring the loving face of Papa. May my journey be an encouragement to you: "As for you, you will always have hope" and that hope is God Himself.

Tom, one of Abba's little boys

You can access a previous blog where I wrote about Ora Rowan by clicking here.

Still More Reflections On The Grieving Process

2010-12-19T13:28:00.005-07:00

"When do you stop counting?" My sister, whose husband, Jerry, died from cancer less than four weeks after Jettie’s passing, asked me this a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know the answer to that question—maybe never, eh? But I did ask Father why I keep remembering even when I am trying to move on, and the following came to me (now confirmed by others who have walked this path). Why do we count? Why do we have a hard time not remembering things we want to forget in our grief? The answer is that our “internal self” keeps track of things! We may wonder why “today” is so hard and why grief seems to be especially hard “today,” and the reason is often that our internal self (sub-conscious, spirit, etc.) is aware that “today” is an anniversary (Saturdays are often hard for me because Jettie died on a Saturday), or that “Christmas is coming” or that it’s simply time to process more grief because Holy Spirit says so! Perhaps that's why grief seems so unpredictable to our conscious minds: our spirits and inner parts of our self are busily keeping track, processing, considering, grieving. Once I realized this it became easier to work with what was happening instead of fighting it!

This is just one of the many things I continue to learn on this journey, and although I am hesitant to keep writing about grief, it seems important for me to do so, especially during this holiday season because such seasons are often harder for those mourning the passing of a loved one. So here are a few more things I am learning about grief with my comments.

During the early stages of grief your judgment about your ability to make good judgments is not trustworthy! During my journey I have already found myself looking back at some early decisions when I was sure that my ability to make decisions was solid only to now ask myself in wonder, "What I was thinking!" Sigh... so I learned that during deep grieving, especially at first, we aren’t even able to decide about our ability to decide, no matter who we are. So what can we do? We can listen to other people, especially those who love us and know us well and perhaps especially when they disagree with us!
So the common advice given to grieving folks not to make major decisions that will be hard to recover from if they are bad ones is solid counsel. But if you do make a bad decision, don’t beat yourself up about it. Come to Papa and ask Him to help untangle it. (But if you heed the first point, you won’t need this one).
On the other hand, it’s normal to think about the future, including wondering about another life partner if that’s what God has for you, even while you are grieving. My thanks to my friend, Tony K., for reminding me of this early in my journey. I was feeling so guilty about thinking about my future instead of just being sad all the time, and his counsel that this was a normal way of coping with grief and part of the healing process was like water in the desert. On the hand, it’s probably not wise to start deciding much about the future because of numbers 1-2 above! Listening to God, listening to others, and waiting for Papa's timing seems a better option to me.
Don’t put deadlines on your grief (thanks to my friend, Bobby B., for this one). The depth of the sense of loss seems to be closely related to the depth (quality and duration) of the relationship. Because Jettie and I had such a good relationship for such a long time, my grief has been, and may continue to be, deep and long. Ours was a rare love indeed, and we had been deeply happy for a long time (not perfectly so—I am tough to live with at times). So I am not telling Papa that I need to grieve a long time based on this, but I also won’t be surprised if I grieve a while longer than I would like!
Understanding everything won’t help, nor is it possible. I am discovering that the reason I want to understand things is that I want to regain some sense of control in my life. This is a perfectly normal reaction to the total loss of control that has happened to me. I am finding that asking God to help me understand some things—the things I need to understand as He defines them—is good, but demanding to understand grows out of fear and a need to control things none of us can control. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a good passage to hang onto even (or more accurately, especially) when your world falls apart and nothing makes sense. Again and again as I have begun the "Why journey" Father has simply invited me to trust Him, rest in Him, allow Him to embrace me, and in His embrace whatever clarity I need comes. (Not that I don't find myself still resisting His embrace at times).
As you progress through your grief, you will begin to hear God’s voice again (beyond His whispered encouragement and love, which for me at least, was always there). That has meant for me that I can now tell the difference between when I am feeling my loss and when I am headed into self-pity. Hearing God's voice helps me make better decisions about what to do with the powerful emotions associated with grief. None of us can control the fact that emotions come, especially at first, but as we progress through the journey we do become better able to make choices that keep the emotions from leading us the wrong way because His voice begins to be clear again. Thank you, Papa, for this one!
I am finding that there is a lot of help out there for grieving people (as you know) and that the "common threads" among them are the most helpful. Whether the source is secular or Christian, there are some common observations about grief that, although worked out differently in each person's life, are true and therefore helpful. (Some of these reflections I am making had their beginning in such sources). Bottom line is again to seek the counsel of others. Grief was never meant to be experienced in isolation (although isolating oneself is often what one wishes to do!).
Finally, I have discovered that grieving is highly visible and well modeled in Scripture. I wasn’t able to see that very well before. Perhaps in a later blog I will elaborate on this one.

So there you have it: yet another "view from the valley." I pray that my experience with grieving, which continues to this very moment, especially as Jettie's favorite time of the year (Christmas) approaches, will be an encouragement to some of you.

I invite you to nestle ever deeper into Papa's arms with me, allowing Him to pull you close even when you aren't sure you want that!

Tom, one of His little boys

The River of God's Sovereignty

2010-12-06T15:02:00.005-07:00

Well, I am late again, and I am writing from yet another "slough of despond," but I wanted to write nonetheless. I am sitting in a hotel room, alone, in South Padre Island, hoping to work some things out with Papa regarding grief and the future. But for now, I write...

As I have mentioned previously, tragedy tends to cause some people to say some rather odd things about God in their attempts to comfort the bereaved. Nothing seems more odd to me than the statement, variously worded, that suggests that God somehow orchestrates the death of someone we love. The attempted comfort takes various forms: “Well, God just needed her in heaven,” or “Well, all our days are determined by the Lord,” etc., but the meaning is the same—somehow God is portrayed as pulling levers and pushing buttons causing every event, good and bad, that happens in our life. But going down that road leads to a god who kills babies through abortion, kills little children through disease, war and famine, etc., and that is not a good road to travel! (Please remember, too, that death was never God’s idea nor His plan for us, so death itself was never in His original purpose for His creation.)

A god who causes everything that happens is not the God described in Scripture. That God is sovereign doesn’t mean that He makes everything happen! That blasphemous picture of God is called determinism, and that’s the god of Islam, but not the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob! So what does it mean that God is sovereign? It means that He takes everything that happens within the context of the freedom that He grants to His creatures and causes all of it to fit into His ultimate purpose (Ephesians 1:11 comes to mind, along with Romans 8:28-29). So we live in a world where bad choices (starting with Adam and Eve) have allowed a huge amount of evil things to happen. But it is also a world where God is always working redemptively (and usually invisibly) to cause all things to work out for His ultimate good purpose: the revelation of the love and goodness which is His glory. How God does this is beyond understanding, of course, but the Bible tells us that lots of things happen that are not God’s will (it’s His will that no one should perish, but some will perish, etc.), yet in the end even those things that are not His will somehow will be fit into His overall purpose (my head hurts when I think about this too much!).

Why is it so important to understand this about God? A few things come to mind. First, God’s desire for a relationship with us requires Him to allow us the freedom to make real and genuine choices. Relationships can never be coerced or forced. You may submit to a dictator, but you won’t love him/her! But with the ability to choose relationship with Him comes the ability not to choose that relationship and the evil that follows such a choice. You cannot have freedom without allowing for the possibility of evil.

Also, common sense tells us that you cannot be in loving and trusting relationship with a god who causes bad things! Thankfully scripture reveals that God is not like that at all. (Who could love a god who “hurts us for his glory”?). Understanding that God is good, absolutely and completely good, invites us to trust Him even when we don’t understand what’s happening around us or to us.

Finally, God’s desire that we be like Him in His goodness also requires that we be truly free to make real choices. My friend Steve Schell recently helped me to see this. Only when we choose to be good are we really good (like our Father). Coerced goodness is not goodness at all. Love cannot be forced, and nothing is more like Papa than love! So the very fact that we are created in His image means that evil is a possibility because free choice allows for it. But that doesn’t mean that God does or causes the evil, as I trust you can see.

Thus we find ourselves in a world where, because freedom is genuine, freedom results in a world with lots of bad things (like a beloved wife, mother and grandmother dying prematurely through cancer). But we also find that our loving Father, in some way we cannot comprehend, redeems everything so that it’s good in the end. I can love and trust a God like that!

Two final pictures as I close. First, there is a discussion in The Shack that describes this well. Papa says to Mack, “Mack, just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don’t ever assume that my using something means that I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.” (p. 185)

Second, I like to picture God’s sovereign purpose like a huge river, flowing to a distant and beautiful destination. Everything in all of time and creation is being carried along on that river, and people (and other creatures) on the river have complete freedom to do whatever they wish while being carried along in its flow. They can bump into one another, they can fight the flow, move with the flow, go from side to side, etc., but they cannot escape being carried along with the river to the final destination. This is not by any means a perfect picture, but it helps me at least! There is a river of God’s purpose, flowing through time and eternity, that carries everything along to a good end even while it allows perfect freedom within the context of its flow. I choose to rest in that River, even when things bump into me or even submerge me for a while along the way.

Gratefully living in His River, looking for grace’s colors,

Tom, one of Abba's little children

The View from the Valley Continues

2010-11-27T18:28:00.007-07:00

I promise not to write about grief forever! Indeed, I had planned to write about "The River of God's Sovereignty" this time, but I find that my brain is not working so well after driving several hours today. So I will risk giving you yet another glimpse of the "guided grief" that God is offering me. This is "raw stuff" right from my journal this morning. I will follow with a brief reflection and then that's it for this time.

Papa, was it you this morning who whispered to me as my thoughts ran towards Jettie, “You need to let her go”? You have said that to me before, but this time the context made it make even more sense. I was headed into regret, as you know. Father, I know that you don’t mean for me to let go of the memories and the legacy she left for us, but I do know that it’s time to let go of regret and the sense of loss. I suppose that grief becomes selfish at some point if I don’t recognize that for her, things are better by far and that her legacy will endure forever. Papa, I wonder if I had known how badly she was suffering whether I would have let her go even sooner. I cannot imagine the stress she was facing as she fought so hard to stay with us, but much of that was her own choosing, I guess. Still, if I had known that we would fail to lay hold of her healing…I wonder. All along I said that I wouldn’t make her a guinea pig while I “learned faith.” So given all of this, why is it so hard to let go, I wonder? And yet I cannot deny the great sense of loss that hangs over all of us, and so I grieve until you lead me to a different place.

Papa, will I ever start hearing you again like I did before? It is rare that I write any words from you here, but perhaps that is a good thing since so much of what I thought I was hearing during the journey needs to "come under review." Yet I know you are speaking. I look to you as best I can.

Tom's reflections: just a short time after I wrote these words I went for a walk, and God clearly and in unmistakeable ways spoke to me. I cannot find the words to describe how faithful He is in all of this even while I wrestle with the things I let you in on in the paragraphs above. You will find Him just as faithful, I know, and I hope that my transparent ramblings will help you to see how His kindness is unfolding in your life just as it is in mine.

Stay lost in His love,

Tom, one of Abba's little children

Guided Through Grief

2010-11-21T17:07:00.002-07:00

It's been 6 weeks now since my beloved Jettie went to be with her dear friend, Jesus, and I am still grieving, of course. I told my son, Josh, today that it is getting better. At first, it was like being in a hurricane with 100 foot waves crashing over me without any space between. Thankfully, during that season I was mostly numb, living in that numbed and surreal world that follows the death of a precious loved one. Now, the waves are only 25 feet high, and they are spaced out quite a bit so that I actually can see ahead and catch my breath before another one comes! Hey, that's progress!

Perhaps the most precious discovery in this journey through the valley of grief is that God is guiding the entire journey. He has always been powerfully present, of course, even when I was so numb that I could feel almost nothing, but now I am beginning to hear His voice clearly again and know His presence in palpable ways--so good to come back to that point. And because I am hearing Him again, I have been able to hear Him promise to guide me through the grief process. Who better than the God of all comfort, who better than the "man of Sorrows," who better than the Comforter to be our guide through grief?

As just one example, on November 10, I wrote the following:

"You are showing me the importance of allowing you to lead my grieving process. You are helping me to move away from regret and from mourning Jettie’s losses. You are leading me to view the time of grieving as a time of recovery, not a time of suffering. You are reminding me that your Spirit is the Encourager/Comforter, so that you, Holy Spirit, know how to comfort/encourage perfectly. You remind me that others have faced worse things and thrived, etc. Thank you, Papa.
"Papa, I cannot disobey your nudge right after I wrote about you leading me in the grieving process, can I? Yet I am so broken when I look back one year (as I sensed you nudging me to do). Yet through my tears and fears I hear you reminding me of what I wrote in my blog about your promises and that makes me hear you say, 'It’s all still true.' “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37, referenced in last year’s entry) is still true, even if we failed to lay hold of its full meaning for us with Jettie. This hurts a lot, Papa, and I am pretty sure you won’t lead me back too often until the rawness of my heart is healed, but it was good to obey you this morning (of course)."

And this has been followed by many, many more times where God's hand has been so obvious as I have allowed Him to lead me. But what's been even more amazing has been how God has guided this process even when I was not aware of it or even aware that I was going where He wanted me to go (I am still somewhat bewildered at times). I am finding that the "chance happenings" of life contribute to my process of healing as well: a conversation with a friend who describes his loved one's last days triggers an outflow of sorrow for me that turns out to be healing, packing things for our move and the "accidental discovery" of something personal of Jettie's brings another gusher of tears that is healing, a song that has memories, etc. I am filled with wonder as I think back over the last few weeks and see how God has been so present and participating in my sorrow. Amazing!

I will stop here. Just wanted to give you a glimpse of our amazing God as seen from the sometimes dim depths of my pain and sorrow. The glow of His care is perhaps even more radiant "down here in the depths." My hope is that you will catch some this glow for your heart as well.

Stay lost in His love,

Tom, one of Abba's little children

Receiving and Giving Comfort

2010-11-06T16:31:00.003-06:00

I am a rich man, a very rich man, when it comes to expressions of love and encouragement. I continue to be flooded with words of encouragement and compassion as I walk through this dark valley (which became even harder this week with the death of my sister's husband from cancer--he was a dear friend to me).

As the words of encouragement have come, I have noticed that I appreciate them best when I listen more to the heart behind the words rather than just the content. People can say some pretty odd things when they are giving comfort, and if one were to focus on the content of these he/she could become rather frustrated at times! But not too long ago, as I was voicing some of my frustration about this to Papa, He told me to listen to the hearts of those giving the encouragement. No surprise that everything changed to the positive when I heeded His counsel, eh?

As for giving comfort, I have a story along with a few thoughts. I start with the story.

I once read that the great composer, Ludwig van Beethoven, went to comfort the widow of a close friend of his who had recently died. Because of his deafness Beethoven was not comfortable with engaging people in conversation, so when the widow opened the door to him, he quietly went to the piano and sat and played and played. Then without a comment, he left. The widow later said that his visit was one of the most encouraging experiences she had had in her grief. I love this story and can picture it easily, especially because so many have played their songs for me.

This story illustrates the importance of the heart in giving encouragement. The widow caught her composer friend's heart in the music he played. Comfort to the grieving is a heart thing, dear ones, not a head thing. Trying to give explanations or the facts as you see them rarely gives comfort to the one receiving them. On the other hand, sitting silently with the grieving person, touching them appropriately, reminding them of something pleasant from the past, listening to their anguish without feeling a need to "fix them" or their theology--these things speak volumes. And if you listen to Papa, He will give you many other creative ways to share your heart, I think. I know I have been the grateful recipient of many, many heart to heart messages, and I am sustained in my grief by them.

Here are a few other observations about this that I list in rather random order, just for your consideration.

First, I am quite convinced that God doesn't take people, rather He welcomes those of His children whom death takes. Carrying out the logic of God "taking people" even for good reasons, leaves us with a cruel God indeed! (Think about it!). Related to this is the faulty idea that, because God is sovereign, everything that happens is His will. People who believe this make every death His will, everything that happens, etc. But this again leads us to a very cruel God who "kills babies and children," takes grammy away from her grandchildren, etc. Actually, this kind of god is the god of Islam, not the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. There are lots of things that happen in this sinful world that are not God's will, as you will realize as you reflect on what happens in our sin-twisted world. You see, God's sovereignty means that He is able to take all things, even the worst of them, and by redeeming them make them fit into His amazing story so that in the end it will totally reflect His glory (goodness). But lots of individual things that happen are not God's will except in the very general sense that He chose to creative as free to choose. I could write more, but not now. The point is that God's knowing is not the same as His causing, and that His sovereignty is seen in His redeeming everything not in His causing it.

Second, death is not healing! I am not sure where this rather strange idea started, but in scripture death is always presented as an aberration from God's original intention and as our enemy. Some have suggested that Jettie's death was her healing, but having watched her die I can assure you that what she experienced was not healing. Please don't feel bad if you said something like this to me! I know what you meant and I heard your heart. But death is what happens when healing doesn't happen (I am not in a place yet to hear Father's counsel about why healing didn't come, of course). But what we mean to say when we call death "healing" is that death, because it is a defeated foe, is the doorway to perfect and eternal healing. And because God is always redemptive, He can take everything, even the times when healing doesn't come, and turn it into something good for us.

Just a few thoughts--I will stop here. I am very much in the throes of grief, and those of you who have experienced what I am going through (and even worse), know especially how hard it is at times to think clearly, so I trust that what I am writing makes at least some sense. I also hope you hear my heart, most of all.

From the valley, deep and dark but rich with Father's grace and the love of His people,

Tom, one of Abba's children

But What About All Those Promises?

2010-10-29T12:15:00.005-06:00

After his wife, Joy, died from cancer, C.S. Lewis wrote a classic work on grief entitled A Grief Observed, which flowed from the journaling of his grief. I sense that this blog may at times be an expression of my grief similar to that (although not nearly so well written or thought out as his, of course).

Having said that, I just couldn't bring myself to write anything at all until now. The shroud of grief does strange things to us, and one effect is that for me, at least, it paralyzes my motivation. It also so far sometimes keeps me from wanting to go to painful places (which we should not approach except as God leads anyway). But I will try to approach one of those places today.

One of the things I wrestled most with after Jettie died was the confusion I felt because of all the clear promises of healing that Jettie and I (and many others) sensed were ours for Jettie. Did God change His mind or just plain old "fib" to us? Did we hear God so poorly that we missed the obvious warnings that death was coming instead of life? I am convinced now that the answer to these questions is absolutely not! God did promise to heal. Because He always wants to heal, what else could we expect Him to say (Jesus healed all who came to Him)? So even when God knows we aren't yet in a place of faith to "move the mountains of sickness" He will promise to move them.

Furthermore, it has become clear to me that God, like any good parent, always urges us to reach beyond where He knows we will get. We who are parents know how this works. From a very early age we are encouraging our kids to reach beyond their capacity. For example, when they start to walk, we deliberately get farther away than they can walk, knowing they will fall yet saying, "Come on, you can make it!" So when God's people face mountains of opposition, even if He knows that this time the mountain won't move, He will still say, "Come on, you can trust me for this one!"

One of my favorite examples of this is where Jesus invites Peter to walk on water, knowing very well that Peter would sink and need rescuing. Instead of saying to Peter, "You can't make it, you will sink halfway here," He said, "Come!" and then rescued Peter in the midst of Peter's failure of faith. It seems to me that this is what has happened in our case. Even though God knew that our trust level wasn't to the place of fully receiving His power to heal, He urged us on, ready to catch us and redeem the situation when we fell. Jettie is certainly better off by far, and even in the indescribable pain of those of us left behind, God's presence is doing remarkable things.

But does this leave me in a place where I feel like a failure? It did at first, of course, but Papa quickly moved in to correct any notion that I am responsible for the impossible (that's His realm). Instead, in the safety of His constant, constant, constant loving embrace He invites me to get to know Him better than ever so that next time trust will reach higher than before.

And so I grieve, O how I grieve, and it hurts beyond my ability to describe (Jettie and I had a remarkably good marriage and she was my best and most treasured friend while she was here). But in my grief, through the confusion, I hear the invitation to know Him ringing in my heart louder than ever before. What else can I do, then, than pursue Him through the pain?

Holding more tightly to His promises than ever,

Tom, one of Abba's children

You Are the Most Amazing Woman!

2010-10-16T16:15:00.002-06:00

This is the tribute I shared at Jettie's two memorial services...I think it speaks for itself.

You Are The Most Amazing Woman!

I can’t believe you are gone, beating me to heaven by what I trust is many years! But I know you are now more alive than you ever were here on earth, and so I write this tribute to you in the present tense. “You are” seems far more appropriate when I talk about you now than “you were.” And yes, we all know how uncomfortable you would be with any attention being drawn to you, so let me assure you that we know that it is your pure and childlike trust in Jesus that we see most of all. It is the Lord Jesus whom you love with delicate passion who ultimately receives honor for who you are, my beloved! But I cannot help but remember at this time how truly remarkable a person you are. And in this moment it seems fitting to let others see you through the lens of our many years together.

You are, beloved Jettie, the most amazing woman! In over 41 years of marriage I very rarely saw you angry, at me, or anyone else. You have a patience and a gentleness and a level of self-control that is as rare as a 200 carat diamond. You were thoughtful and grateful throughout this 14 month battle, even in those terrible last days in the hospice center when the enemy stripped you of dignity and of that which was so precious to you: your ability to serve others. We never heard you complain, even as life was being stolen from you. I never heard you complain throughout the entire 14 months. Instead we saw you rally yourself, even at the very end, to be sure that we knew you loved us, and we heard you say “Please” and “Thank you” for everything and “I love you, too” until you could speak no more. And even then your eyes communicated love and gratitude, and concern for us.

You are the most amazing woman! Throughout our 41 years of life together you constantly took thoughtfulness to increasingly higher levels. Indeed, just about everything I know about thoughtfulness I learned from you.

You are the most amazing woman! During our many years together hospitality flowed from you like a river of welcome, embracing all who came within the sphere of your love and care. You defined hospitality to us in the highest of terms, and I will always remember the sheer joy I saw in you as you cooked, cleaned, planned and prepared to bless folks with God’s embrace through your hospitality!

You are the most amazing woman! Serving was your primary love language, and only you of all people would have been concerned about serving us even while you were fighting for your life! Of all the things the enemy stole from you over these past few months, your serving was perhaps the most devastating to you, and to us as we watched. Yet you continued to serve, working when anyone else would have stayed at home, doing as many of your usual tasks as your ravaged body would allow. Never have I seen anyone, beloved Jettie, who epitomized the foot-washing heart of Jesus better than you. Yet it was our great privilege to at last be able to serve you in small ways over these past few months. Few husbands have had the privilege of caring for and serving their brides like I got to. Few children get to experience the joy of giving back to their mom like our sons and daughters-in-law got to. Yes, at least for a few brief moments we finally got to return a tiny sliver of the care you have poured out on us and others for so many years. And be assured, my beloved, that your example of serving will urge us on to live as servants to the end of our time here on earth.

You are the most amazing woman! Your careful attention to detail blessed everyone around you during your time here with us. Excellence is so natural to you that once something was committed into your care, no one needed to have a second thought about it being done well. This carefulness extended to every area of your life and to everything you did. I marveled often at your persistence as you balanced the check book to the penny. Your carefulness made others around you look really good! When you were beside me, whether at LIFE, in the various churches we served or in the West Texas district you always managed to make things work with excellence. No surprise then, that you will be forever known in the Midland Foursquare Church as “Wonder Woman”!

You are the most amazing woman! Many people aspire to humility. You seem to have been born with it! While others would struggle with not being “up front” and the need to be noticed by others, you chose just the opposite. You are the quintessential “behind-the-scenes” person, my beloved, and there is a remarkable genuineness to your humility. Even during these past dark months, when I would say to you over and over, “I am so proud of you,” you would be puzzled by my praise—amazing!

You are the most amazing woman! I don’t know of anyone who defines “quietly passionate” better than you. Everything about you is gentle and quiet, but that doesn’t mean that you lack passion. During your time on earth your quiet passion was perhaps seen most obviously in your loving worship of your beloved Jesus, but you also brought a “fiery stillness” to your relationships with others, your love for our sons and grandchildren and even to our intimate times as husband and wife. You remain an example to the many who are quiet by nature, my dear Bride, demonstrating that passion doesn’t have to be loud or showy to be fierce!

You are the most amazing woman! Being a friend was so natural to you and something you did with great loyalty and selflessness. Your moving to Heaven leaves me without my dearest and closest friend. How many other husbands can really say that, I wonder? And you brought that selfless friendship to others here on earth as well. You make friends slowly, but once the friendship is established there’s never a doubt that you are “friends forever.” I can only imagine what it was like for you to step into Heaven and embrace your Friend, Jesus. And by now I am sure you have moved on to greet the many friends who preceded you into the Eternal Kingdom. And I can’t help wondering how many new friends you will make in the eons ahead! And each of them will find what we have found here on earth: you are an amazingly kind, gentle and caring friend!

You are the most amazing woman, Jettie, and our lives are also forever marked by your gentle strength. Throughout this recent terrible/wonderful journey we saw everyone around us marvel at your strength. The journey has been punctuated with medical personnel saying, “I have never seen…”–always in reference to your strength of will, your endurance and ability to persist against all odds. But you can rest now, dear Jettie, and surrender your strength to the One who makes you strong!

You are the most amazing woman! It goes without saying, at least for those who know you well, that you are one of the most loving persons anyone will ever encounter. And in the past few months those of us who find you so easy to love got to return just a small portion of the love that you lavished on us. We love you, babe, and will never stop loving you as one who loves us so well, loves us so like Papa God loves us.

Rest well in Papa’s embrace, honey. I will see you in the morning, but until then I will tell as many as I can, to the glory of the Lord Jesus, that I know the most amazing woman!

Home at last

2010-10-11T13:54:00.002-06:00

For those who may read this blog but not see my Facebook page, just a note to let you know that Jettie went peacefully into the arms of her beloved Jesus this past Saturday night around 8:45 p.m. Like her life, her departure was quiet, gentle and peaceful.

When the pain is less, I will write a tribute to my bride who is (she still lives) one of the most remarkable people I have ever met, the epitome of quiet strength and gracious servanthood that marks the best of God's followers.

Your prayers for us as a family are welcome.

Tom, one of Abba's children